


The Resistance

by studentwriter666



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, OTP Feels, Realistic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-04 23:00:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 63,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13374888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/studentwriter666/pseuds/studentwriter666
Summary: Reylo fan fic that starts off where The Last Jedi ends. Realistic and true to characters!





	1. Chapter One: Nothing

Still panting with exhaustion, her chest rising and falling rapidly, the sweat pooling on her face, Rey stood in shock. Kylo Ren staring back at her, beseachig her with the dark pools of his eyes to accept his offer, to join him. 

Around them lay the scattered bodies of Snok’s praetorian guard.

She could feel her heart sinking, sinking with the pain that she failed him, with the knowledge that her heart was broken before she had even known or understood her true feelings.

Suddenly the scene vanished, as if wiped away from her vision, and what replaced it was a set of familiar closed lids. His head angrily turning from one side to the other against his pillow. Eyes closed she could see the small movement of his troubled mind turning his eyes; tear stained eyelashes shaking beneath the movement of his distraught sleep. His forehead glistened with sweat, his mouth quivered.

Abruptly his eyes sprung open with hate and fire spewing from his dark irises. “GET OUT OF MY HEAD” he roared, sitting up and reaching out with a tense hand and grabbing her throat.

Rey clutched her throat gasping for breath as she awoke, sitting up in her creaky wood bed on Endor. The connection had been broken as soon as she had awoken, but her throat was still on fire from the constricting clutches of his mind. Her fingers reached up and gently stroked where she had felt his fingers mentally wrap around.

This was why she was afraid, afraid to sleep at night. Although Snok’s death had indeed severed their connection, at night, when her mental shields were down, she could feel him. He wasn’t always asleep, at times training with his lightsaber or sitting in silent contemplation. She had never been able to enter his mind again since that day, but she still was there. Never able to catch him in a decisive moment to help The Resistance, and now Rey feared she now never would. She hadn’t known he knew she was there. He never gave any indication, even as he sat silently at his desk, fingers clenching and unclenching around the arms of his chair, the leather of his gloves straining. She would hover with her mind just in front of his face, close enough to feel his hot breath on her lips. Looking into his agonized eyes she would reach out in her sleep with everything she had, with every ounce of power she felt within her from the force to get inside, and yet she had been barred. Now she knew, he had been there with her the whole time. 

She shook with the knowledge, thinking what that could possibly mean, when the door of her small room suddenly crashed open with a thud.

A furry figure ducked into her doorway and cried out.

“Yes I’m sorry Chewi, I must have fallen asleep. Is General Organa still expecting me?” She wiped the sweat from her brow, getting out of the small bed and throwing on a woolen cloak.

Chewbacca cried back at her before turning around and beckoning for her to follow him.

Rey rolled her eyes with a smile, grabbing lukes retrieved lightsaber, now hers, and tucking it into her belt before rushing out to join Chewbacca.

It was raining outside in the canopies of the abandoned Ewok settlement that the remnants of The Resistance had taken up as a hideout. The wood was rotting and many of the small homes had to be rebuilt, but it had begun to feel like some semblance of a home a month after the few members of The Resistance left had escaped Crait aboard the Millennium Falcon. They had been chased at first through the planet's atmosphere by the First Order, before being able to jump to lightspeed.

Rey looked up at the towering treetops, rain trickling past the leaves and falling onto her face. It was a sensation she was still getting use to after the dry sands of Jakku. She pulled her hood on and rushed to catch up with Chewbacca.

***

“Something has been troubling you.” General Organa stroked her chin while clutching the end of her cane.

Rey looked away, unable to meet General Organa’s eyes. “I’ve told you everything General.” Rey sat opposite Organa, her legs crossed atop her chair. The two were situated in the largest room of the abandoned settlement, now the meeting place and headquarters of general Organa.

“You have, yes. But despite all that has happened, despite Luke’s passing and our retreat, I cannot help but feel that the heart of your troubles lie with what transpired with Ben.”

Rey looked back into the aging generals eyes before her vision blurred with tears. “I told you what happened. I lost him. He belongs to the dark side now. I should have known it wouldn't be possible.” She wiped away her tears with the back of her arm. “There was nothing I could have done. Nothing.” Her voice lowered to a whisper. “I come from nothing. I am nothing…” Her mind echoed his words.  
Organa, placing her weight upon her cane slowly arose from her seat and walked over to the nearest window, her back to Rey, as she looked out at the rain and the familiar surroundings of her youth. “Have I ever told you about my father?”

“Darth Vader? Yes I’ve heard about him. He was a Jedi who betrayed the Jedi order and joined the Si -”

“Yes, yes, we all know that story. But did you know he too came from nothing? The son of a slave on Tatooine. He did not even have a father. He was borne from the force but was raised with nothing, in nothing, and amongst nothing. Anakin was lured to the dark side, not only by his inner weakness but through fear. He feared so strongly of death, the death of his mother, and later the death of mine; this then drove his mind to be twisted and warped. But, he was not lost, he never was. It took years and Luke to bring his back to light.” Organa turned to meet Rey’s gaze. “You are not nothing, and I can’t explain your continued connection to my son…” she bent down before Rey and gently grabbed her hand, holding it securely between her own, “But Rey, I believe that the force brought you two together for a reason, and I believe it is in you, like it was within Luke, to help return Ben to the light.”

Rey bent her forehead to meet Organa’s, closing her eyes with the matronly intimacy of the moment.

***

Ren paced forward and back in the large chamber aboard the Star Dreadnought, the homebase of the First Order’s Fleet. The chamber was lined with sleek black and packed full of high ranking officials in the army, including General Hux.

Suddenly his voice, a booming base, shook the chamber. “Snok once spoke to me of a signal, emitted from the outer unknown regions of the galaxy. This signal, first discovered by Darth Sidious, was almost pinpointed before his passing. It is where Snok hailed from, and it is where I will now travel. It is the source of the the dark side of the force. Upon my return I will have brought with me the full force of the dark side and perhaps find allies whom we may need to quelch the last of the damned resistance.” He stopped his pacing and faced his subordinates. “In my absence I leave general Hux in charge.”

A small murmuring broke out amongst the officials. It was no secret that Kylo Ren and General Hux had had their disagreements as of late.

Kylo lowered himself onto Snok’s former throne. “Now leave us.” He eyed Hux to stay.

The chamber slowly emptied along with the dull noise of marching boots. Hux, watching the procession leave, stepped forward toward Kylo as the last of the officials left. His arms linked behind his back, he bowed for Kylo to say his peace.

“I trust you will keep the First Order along its intended path, and finish off the last of that thorn in our side lead by my mother.” Ren grumbled.

“Of course.” Hux replied, still surprised about his new status in the army.

“The Jedi Order once believed that Darth Vader was part of a prophecy. A prophecy that spoke of an individual, strong in the force, that would bring balance to the force. It was believed Darth Vader was that individual, but he brought destruction to the force.” Kylo smirked, “As he should have. But I now believe that one member of the rebel resistance, the girl, Rey, is that prophesied individual. I want her captured.”

Hux bowed, “We will destroy her in your absence master Ren.”

“No!” Kylo growled, standing up and looming over Hux. “No,” he repeated more calmly, “you will capture her.”

“But sir, that would require we isolate her from the rest of the resistance.”

Kylo placed his face inches from Hux, “You will do as I say. You will capture the girl and imprison her until I return.”

“But-” Before Hux could utter another word he buckled to his knees, clutching his neck for air, a gurgling sound escaping his now blue lips.

Kylo released him and turned, returning to sit on the throne.

Hux collected what dignity he had left, stood, straightened out his suit, and bowed again at Ren, before turning on his heal and marching out of the room.

***  
Kylo starred in the mirror at himself, eyes focusing on the puckered red scar slicing down his cheek and to his neck. He glowered. She had been getting stronger at night. At first, it had been a faint tickle at the back of his mind, then he could feel her at the edges of his being, hovering over his shoulders, peering into his eyes, lips inches from his own. He hadn’t wanted her to know he felt her, it kept him in control, but last night, last night he had felt her mind prying into his dreams, nightmares, a frightened boy fending off his master, the searing pain of a lightsaber on his cheek, the feeling of a warm hand in his, and then the rejection of her dark eyes as she refused to join him. He couldn’t lay there and let her see in, he had to throw her mind out.

An angry heat rose in his chest before he let out a roar of rage and threw his fist into the glass of the mirror. “NOTHING!!!” he roared again, sending his fist into the mirror again and again, “NOTHING!”


	2. Chapter Two: I Will Find You

Kylo strummed his ungloved fingers against the dashboard of his ship. He’d chosen the ship specifically, it was small, so as to go about easily undetected, and did not require many to run the ship. He’d only brought a reprogrammed droid from the First Order’s army. He’d reprogrammed it himself before departing from the fleet, turning the droid into a companion of sorts; bluntly spoken and a better flyer than himself.

“Sir we are not going in the direction of the Outer Rim.” The droid called behind him.

“Yes I know RD-12. We are taking a detour first.” His mouth tensed, fingers stopping their strumming and clenching into a fist.

“Where sir?” The droid took a seat next to Kylo at the helm.

“I don’t yet know.” He slowly rose to his feet, punching in a set of coordinates and bringing up a hologram of the region in the galaxy they were currently in. Pointing to a section of circling planets, “Here, just keep the ship moving in the direction of this system here. I will inform you of more specific coordinates as soon as find out where that stupid girl is. Now leave me in solitude until I leave my chambers. I am not to be disturbed.” He turned and marched off, closing the doors to the cockpit behind him.

His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides as he marched to his room, locking the sliding doors shut behind him. He threw off his cloak and and stripped himself of his remaining clothes before stepping into the small enclosed shower. He hung his head letting the steaming water hit his face and soak his hair. “Where are you,” he whispered.

It had been Kylo’s plan to do just as he had told Hux, search the outer limits of the galaxy an leave the capture of the remaining Resistance and Rey to the First Orders fleet, Hux at the helm. And yet, he knew inside that was the wrong path. He had seen, the following night, within himself, through the force, a vision of himself and Rey, fighting once again side by side. Fighting as one like they had that night, their bodies twisting and turning as if the fight were a choreographed dance. He yearned for what he had seen, an equal at his side. He knew the journey he was about to embark upon was not meant to be taken alone.

Ren combed his fingers through his soaking hair, brushing it out of his eyes, and turned the heat on full, enjoying the sting of the scorching water on his skin.

Ever since the vision he had been searching for her. The Resistance meant nothing to him, they were a problem easily fixed under Hux’s leadership. It was Rey he wanted. If she could reach out and find him, he would do the same. Night after night leading up to his departure from the First Order fleet, Ren had harnessed the force to find her, reaching out across the vast expanse of the galaxy for that familiar mental signature, a soft troubled glowing green light. He hadn’t been able see her as he once could, but he felt her presence, and he could feel himself getting closer to her. First it was the region, then the system, it was only a matter of time before he found the planet and sought her out.

He shut the shower off and quickly dried himself, slipping on plane black cotton robes before sitting crossed legs upon his small cott. She shook his hair of remaining droplets and closed his eyes, opening his mind. “Rey,” he whispered without noticing.

***

She’d found an old blaster burnt tree, a casualty of earlier battles, and was now using it to practice with her lightsaber. Lunging and parrying, thrusting and blocking, Rey screamed with pent up frustration. Her forehead was dripping with sweat as she continued on and on with the immobile enemy. She soon closed her eyes, feeling mentally where the tree was and attacked it again and again, circling it, her eyes remaining closed.

“Is it me you picture?” Asked a familiar deep voice from inside her head.

She tried not to let her offensive attack falter as she attempted to close her mind to him and ignore his words.

“Did you really think you could spy on me without me knowing?” Kylo’s voice rumbled in a bitter laugh, “and why shouldn’t I do the same in return.”

“I refused you!” Rey yelled in between pants as she let her eyes fly open, dropping her lightsaber and letting her back fall against the charred tree, sliding down until she was sitting on the damp earth. “You’re lost, let me be!”

“We both know you don’t believe that.” His voice echoed in her ears, drowning out the soft rustle of leaves and faint calls of nearby critters. Rey had ventured out as far from the new Resistance base as she could, hoping for solitude.

“What is it you could possibly want!” Rey yelled back, unable to quelch the remaining adrenaline within her from her training.

“A companion.” He whispered. She could practically feel his warm breath brush against her ear. A shiver ran down Rey’s spine.

“I cannot.” Rey shook her head. She was shaken, this was the first she had actually spoken to him since that day. She could feel what had been their prior connection returning, growing anew. She could not let it return. He could track her, track her and the Resistance to Endor.

She could see him suddenly, hair tricklingly wet, brows set stern, lips tense, but eyes imploring. A bare hand reached out. She flinched. His fingertips gently brushed her forehead as he tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. “I will find you.” He whispered.


	3. Chapter Three: This is What Love Gets You

“It’s not hopeless!” Poe stood, his chair sliding back behind him. The remaining members of the Resistance sat crammed in the meeting hall, a single roomed wooden shack; the biggest of the the abandoned Ewok settlement.

Lieutenant Connix cast her eyes down in shame. She’d only spoken what half the small group had been whispering in hushed tones for weeks. The distress signal had been sent out as the remnants of the Resistance lay stuck on Crait and yet no one had come. No one had answered their signal, despite confirmations that it had been seen. Morale was low. Hope was fading.

Poe turned to General Organa for some wise words, something, anything to bring back the spirit that had been lost with their retreat from Crait.

The wrinkles around Organma’s eyes deepened as she shut her eyes in thought. Opening them again slowly as the silence hung in the air, everyone waiting for what she would say next. “We have allies. We must. The rebellion, the rebel alliance, and now the resistance, we have always had allies.”

Chewbacca cried out in agreement. Her worn face turn to give him a half smile.

“We are sitting ducks here. It is only a matter of time before we are found. There are a few ships here in flying condition-”

“Yes!” Yelled out Poe as he followed her train of thought. “A small contingent of us will seek out our allies, while the remainder regroup at… at..”

“At the Anchorhead Base on Tatooine.” General Organa smirked. She pulled out a small device, punching in the coordinates and showing the group a hologram of the base.

Finn pushed through the throng of people, away from Rose’s side near a far corner. “But wasn’t that base destroyed during the Battle of Yavin?”

“Only partly.” Organa smiled, the plan now manifesting clearer in her mind. “There were lower chambers that remained untouched by the bombings, although they have since been abandoned. There are more supplies there than Endor, smaller ships, more fuel, and lots of weapons.” Everyone’s ears perked up. “It was the base from which the alliance would purchase weapons off the black markets of Tatooine; if my recollections are correct, there should be quite a stockpile left. Although dated, the weapons will help.”

Finn shook his head, placing both hands palm down on the table. “That’s all? Regroup and find allies? Where is the offensive? Where are the attacks? The First Order is weak! Rey told us about Snok’s death! Now, now is the time to attack while their leadership is left scrambling!” 

A murmur carried throughout the crowd. Organa shook her head. “We are too weak. We would not even survive discovery at this point. They may not have Snok, but General Hux and Kylo Ren have taken command of the First Orders vast arsenal. We are no match right now. We need to disband and regroup.”

The door of the room suddenly burst open, hitting the wall with a loud thud. In the doorway stood Rey, her cloak soaked from rain. “He’s found me. You have to go. All of you! Everyone! Now!”

***

General Organa looked into Rey’s eyes sternly, clutching both of her arms. “Are you sure about this?” She asked seriously as the whirling of engines blared in the background.

Standing on watch outside the meeting, listening in, Rey had felt a jolt in her mind, a sudden flicker, for a split second, of herself, standing watch outside the shack in the treetops. The word, Endor, hung in the air. He had found her. She felt it, in that split second, and she felt the the tug of their connection slacken, he was on his way.

The remaining Resistance members quickly had run off to pack their belongings and split off into groups. It was decided that three small groups, led by Poe, were to be sent off in search of allies. The remainder would retreat to Tatooine and re-establish the base as their new stronghold.

Rey had chosen to stay behind and throw Ren off their tracks. It was a decision she only now whispered to General Organa.

“We are matched. Our strength in the force is equal. His vendetta against me has grown since that day, but I cannot allow my shortcomings to compromise what is left of the Resistance. I must stay.” Rey stood firm, her jaw set in a hard line. She knew this was something that needed to come to pass. Her fingers instinctively touched the lightsaber hanging from her belt.

Unfortunately Finn had been passing by just at that moment, heading towards the Millennium Falcon where Poe, BB-8, a wayward Porg, Chewbacca, and Rose awaited him. “You’re what?” He stopped mid step, whirling around to stand next to Rey and Organa.

“I, I’m staying. I am going to try and buy you all time to escape. It’s my fault he is coming.” Rey hung her head, clenching her fist.

“No! We almost lost you once we can’t lose you again! If you’re what’s left of the force we can’t-” Finn’s voice rose with panic.  
Poe, peeking out of the ship in search of his missing companions heard Finn’s outburst and ran over, joining the small grouping.

“The force is everywhere Finn, in me, in these sprinkles of rain..” She stretched out her palm calmly and watched as water filled her hand, “and the force is telling me I have to do this.” 

She looked up, meeting Poes eyes. He understood, he knew what it meant to take risks for the ones you loved. Recognition passed from his eyes to hers and he gave her a nod of recognition.

“Let’s go buddy.” Poe patted Finn’s shoulder before turning to return to the Falcon.

Finn stood, shocked that no one else was trying to stop her. A tense moment passed before he finally began digging around in his pocket, pulling something out and thrusting it towards Rey. “Here, take this. It’s a tracker and a communication device. Never let it leave your side.” He gave her a half smile.

Rey beamed in return. Finn was the closest companion she had here, and his approval meant everything to her. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Now go! I sense he’ll be here within the day, you need to leave before he catches you in orbit.”

Finn held out his communication device, the other half of the one he had given her, holding it for her to see he tucked it in the pocket of his jacket, closest to his heart, patting it in place. “May the force be with you.” He turned and joined the others aboard the Falcon.

“He would probably call you a silly kid who thinks you know too much. He would probably be against all this, but, in a way, I think I trust Ben as much as I trust you.” General Organa smiled. “Now we have left a small ship hidden away near the far left corner of the settlement. Should you need it it is there.”

“Thank you” Rey whispered. She watched as Organa turned and boarded her own ship, headed to Tatooine. It took off and joined the rest of the small fleet.

The last ship to leave was the Falcon, headed to Kashyyyk. Rey had promised General Organa she would catch up with them once her business with Ben was finished.

“Ben” Rey whispered. She watched as the Falcon took off. She was alone.

She didn’t entirely have a plan. She wasn’t sure exactly why he had come to find her, or whether it would require a fight. She wasn’t sure she was truly ready to fight him again. She paced the small opening the ships had taken off from, smirking as a plan emerged. If he had come for her, she wasn’t about to make it easy for him.

***

Rey sat cross legged on the damp earth of the same clearing. The night had fallen on Endor, bringing with it an eerie loneliness. She’d built a large crackling fire, flames flickering higher than her stature. She was waiting for him. There minds had not connected again since that brief glimmer, but she could feel with every fiber of her body a pull, stretched to breaking the further they were apart, and now growing calmer into a comfortable tranquility the closer he got.

She threw some sticks onto the fire which illuminated the whole clearing, keeping the other hand firmly upon her lightsaber.

Suddenly out in the darkness, yards and yards away she heard the faint snap of a twig. Rey let out a sigh in preparation and closed her eyes, reaching out with the force for him. Abruptly a twig snapped close than she had expected. Rey’s eyes sprung open.

Across the licking flames of the large bonfire a dark figure stepped out from the blackness beyond.

“Foolish” The deep voice echoed. “Remaining here defenceless.” He took a slow and deliberate step toward Rey, gloved arms reaching up to pull back the black hood of his cloak.

“Are you sure you would like to do this again? If I recall correctly you already received one memento from the first.” Rey jumped to her feet, releasing her lightsaber and pointing it across the fire at Kylo Ren, at his scar.

He took another slow step towards her, untying his robes and letting them fall to his feet. “I don’t believe you are as sure of yourself as you believe. Why else would you have placed all these ridiculous traps around this clearing.” He smirked, silhouettes of the flames dancing on his pale complexion, orange and red mirrored in his eyes. 

Rey faltered. She’d been hoping they would give her a minor advantage, but he knew.

“I plucked it right from your mind.” His foot raised to take another step closer.

“Stop!” Rey yelled across the fire. She could feel the clutches of his presence on her mind. He was stronger, much stronger.

“You fear me more. Now why is that?” Ren smirked, taking a step towards her once again. Rey stepped backwards in response. The corneers of his hard set mouth twitched upwards with pleasure.

Rey shook her head, trying to send him out of her mind. Suddenly Ren’s steps continued, and his slow advance picked up slightly. They were now circling the fire at a slow pace.

“Hmm. You think I’m stronger. Funny since you play the victor constantly.” His arm flicked out in a quick motion, releasing his lightsaber as he continued his advance, his game of cat and mouse. “Now let’s take a closer look.”

Rey almost fell back as Kylo ambushed her with the full force of his mental abilities. Like a worm burrowing into a carcass, he was bypassing any gates she had mentally established.

“What’s this. You think my…” His voice broke to a whisper and his advance stopped.

Rey knew what he had seen in her mind. She gulped, regaining herself, standing legs apart in a defensive position. “I think my rejection changed not just any plans of domination you may have had. You’re heart it-”

[Music Recommendation! Play this as you continue reading: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1k5zo0w6N8 ]

Suddenly Kylo jumped over the flames of the bonfire and flew at her. Rey threw her lightsaber up to block his attack. Their lightsabers collided with such a force that threw Rey’s one knee down to the ground. Her arms quivered as she tried to push him back.

“MY HEART WHAT?” He spat the words out as he pushed back against her.

Rey’s chest heaved faster and faster. She mustered her strength and threw him back. “It betrayed you!” Rey lunged at him. He blocked, faltering in the process, coming close to the flames of the bonfire. “With your father!” She attacked. “With your master!” She blocked his lightsaber and kicked him in the chest. “And now with me!” She attacked again, letting out an angry scream in the process.

He blocked, again and again, face in painful concentration.

“But you don’t see!” She yelled. Her lightsaber connected with a tree as he ducked. She jumped back as the trunk fell, missing the fire. She lunged at him again. “What you don’t see is that the problem is you! Not us! It is the dark side! It has warped your mind until you’ve thrown off all those who have loved you!” Tears of anger and pain began streaming down her face as her foot made contact with his chest again, sending him back onto the ground. She stood over him, lightsaber pointed at him, the sounds of their panting and the crackling of the roaring fire filling the air.

His lightsaber had been thrown back, out of reach. Kylo looked up with spite and anger. “US? THERE WAS NO US!” He reached out with the force, bringing the lightsaber back into his waiting hand and lept forward. Grabbing the hilt of the lightsaber with both hands he swung with the full force of his despair. Rey ducked, landing a searing blow to his leg.

She reached out with her mind. All she found were lies. “STOP LYING TO YOURSELF!” She screamed, beads of sweat stinging her eyes. Rey stepped forward to land another blow but Ren raised his foot, bringing it crashing into her ribs, sending her flying across the clearing.

Rey landed with an audible thud, but before she could regain herself Ren had lept towards her, bringing a knee down on her chest, pinning her to the ground. He turned the light saber off, keeping it in his hand before grabbing her now loosened hair with the fist of his other hand. Rey cried out in pain. He brought her head up so that she could look into his eyes. His sweat soaked face danced in shadows and light from the fire next to them. 

“This!” He spat out, forcing her face closer to the fire, “THIS IS WHAT LOVE GETS YOU!”

The flames began burning Rey’s cheek. She began crying and screaming out in pain as the fire scorches her pale skin. He hands weakly clawed at his fist locked around her hair. She let out another cry and he pulled her face away from the fire, before raising the other arm, wrapped around the lightsaber and bringing it down on her head.

He’d knocked her unconscious and her body fell limp to the ground as he let go of her hair, letting the strands stream out from between his gloved fingers.

Ren ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back out of his eyes as he struggled to even his breathing from the fight. He allowed eyes to pan over her defenceless figure. 

Moments passed before he finally slowly stood, reaching out an arm and bringing Rey’s lightsaber flying out of the forest and into his waiting hand. He attached it to his belt along with his own before bending down and gently scooping Rey up into his arms. Cradling her, he walked off in the direction of the ship.

Light shone out into the night from the open door of his small ship. RD-12 stepped into the doorway at the top of the ramp that led down to the forest floor. “Did you find what you were looking for sir?”

Ren looked down for a brief moment, before walking past RD-12 onto the ship, ramp rising behind him and doors buzzing shut.

“I did.”


	4. Chapter Four: I Will Go With You

Rey’s eyes flickered open and took in her surroundings. She sat on a small bed, four metal walls surrounded the room. A washroom off to the side.

Remembrance rushed back to her in a flood. Dark set eyes, anger, the whirling of lightsabers, searing fire. She reached up and gingerly touched her cheek. Healing bandages had been applied over the small bit of burned cheek. She sat up in a flurry and began looking for her lightsaber, to no avail.

“You didn’t think I would actually leave it with you.” Murmured a tired voice in her mind.

She reached out with her mind. She was aboard a small ship, there was no other living soul aboard, but his. She sensed a single droid. Rey’s brows furrowed together in confusion. She had assumed he would come for her with soldiers, with artillery, with anything but what she felt before her.

“I always found it funny that this, this tension in my chest seems to lesson when you are physically near. Never mind where you are, do you sense it too? Quite odd.” His voice was calm, deep, and emotionless from within her mind.

Rey sensed he was down the hall from the small room. She looked around the room for something, anything to use as a weapon, ignoring his words. She grabbed the small lamp next to the bed. Checking to see if the doors were locked. They were not. She crept out of the room, clutching the lamp.

She caught sign of her blurred reflection in the reflective metal walls of the ships hallway. Her hair lay in tangles past her shoulders, dirt and sweat still stained her clothes from the fight. She let out a sigh of frustration, unsure of how to proceed. She hadn’t been in shackles, the door had been unlocked, her wound tended to. Why had he brought her here.

She crept around the corner at the end of the hall, entering a cramped dining area. Kylo Ren sat at a table, his back to her, looking out at the large window that made up the far wall of the room. He was dressed down from his usual ebony splendor, wearing a simple grey tunic and darger grey pants. No food sat before him, the table was clear. She took note and saw no lightsaber at his side.

Suddenly his hand reach up, and the lamp flew out of her hand and into his. He gently placed it on the table. “Please have a seat.” He remained where he sat, looking out at the darkness of space. The seat next to him slid out from the table.

Rey sighed and complied, finding no use in a fight, especially in such a small room, and with no useful weapons at hand. She took the seat and looked at his profile, dark tresses dangling into his eyes.

Ren finally turned his head and looked her in the eyes. She couldn’t fathom what lay in his expression, a quiet contemplative contenance. Gingerly she probed his mind, it was closed off to her. He was stronger mentally in close proximity.

“Strange isn’t it? I find I can close you off much easily when you are nearer to me, if I try.” The corners of his mouth twitched up slightly. “I can feel you in there, a soft green glow almost, just brushing against the outer limits of my mind where I have barred you. It feels as if, it feels as if your mind were the soft brush of lips against one’s ear, preparing to whisper.” He placed his arms out on the table, turning them palms up, showing her he was unarmed.

“You faltered on Endor.” She let slip bluntly, crossing her arms and leaning back in the chair with comfort, sensing no danger from him.

His eyes narrowed, bare hands tensing into fists. “You can’t even begin to imagine what powers you can unlock with the force. A lightsaber flies into your hand, a collapse of rocks hover in the air, you speak to me across a galaxy, they are merely the start.” He turned his body in the chair so that he faced her more directly.

Rey shook her head. “You asked me once. You know my answer.” A brief pang of pain enveloped her heart as she remembered his face, imploring her to join him, and the rejection that washed over the hopeful expression as she said no.

Ren looked away, picking the image out of her mind. “Yes, yes I know.” He kept his face turned away from hers, and his voice grew horse. “I heard everything I needed to hear on Endor…” Silence hung in the air.

Rey raised her hand as if to reach out and lay it on his arm, but recoiled it. “So is this your master plan? Kidnap me with a small ship and one droid, torture me with sarcastic banter?” She sat up straight.

Ren pushed his chair back, standing up, linking his arms behind his back and slowly walking over to the large window. Rey’s eyes followed his movements cautiously.

“I do not care for the Resistance. They are now but a minor problem easily dealt with by Hux.” He raised one hand to the glass. Rey could see his features mirrored back at her through the window. His eyes were glazed over with thought. “Darth Vader was not the fearsome warlord we tend to think of. He was a slave. He was a slave as a child, he was a slave to the Jedi Order, and he was a slave to Darth Sidious. I, I will not be a slave.” He turned to look Rey in the eyes. “Snok’s death was not merely a gesture to spare your life. I refuse to forever be in the shadow of another and I fear now without a master that realizing my true abilities may be hindered. You too are without a master, as I have discovered.” He smirked with satisfaction at the thought of Luke Skywalkers demise.

Rey sent the lamp flying across the room, aimed at his head. Ren ducked and it shattered against the window. Deep rumbles erupted from his chest in a laugh as he stood back up. “I see myself in you more and more.” Rey glowered at him. “As I was saying, we are masterless, and I feel within you a hunger, a hunger for guidance, a hunger for knowledge, on the ways of the Jedi, on the ways of the force. I too have this hunger. To Snok I was but a ploy, given a sith title and made to do his bidding without being taught my true potential, potential he feared, and rightly so.”

He walked over to Rey and bent down before her in a gesture of supplication. “It is believed that in the unknown regions of the outer rim lies the origin of the force. Those tattered books you saw with Luke were nothing. This is the real fount of knowledge, not the scribbles of a lost religion but the real, the tangible. Join me. I know you will. I know not your reasoning, but I have seen it, you and I, fighting together once again.”

Rey looked down at him, trying to grasp what he was telling her. She believed he had seen her at his side in battle, that she felt was true. But she sensed deceit. He spoke the truth about her hunger for guidance, and believed he sought the same, but the two were not comparable. She sought the light and he the dark. “I don’t know what to say.” She almost whispered. “You speak as if my mind is already made up, and you act as such, attacking me and kidnapping me here aboard your ship.” She stood up, looking down her nose at him. “I need to think.” She couldn’t allow this to happen. She feared the poisoning of her mind by his ever increasing utilization of the dark side. She feared what care she felt for him would leave her weak to manipulation, but she knew the same applied for himself, there were feelings left in the shell that once was Ben Solo.

Rey turn to leave but Ren reached out, grabbing her hand, stopping her retreat. She turned to him with surprise. There it was again. Their hands together, an energy, a power, a connection they did not understand. She looked down at their hands, still clasped together, then back up into the dark pools of his eyes. “This,” He whispered in her mind, lips never moving, “This is what I seek to understand.”

Rey gave a small exhale. Their hands joined together felt like adrenaline coursing through her veins. It was an ecstasy. She tentatively reached out with the other hand and interlocked it with his. She closed her eyes. They were one mind. She saw herself in his eyes. She felt him feel her hesitation. She felt the necessity of this quest boiling within him. Their hands squeezed together as they probed each other mentally. 

His hands let go of hers, but his fingers never left her skin. He ran his hands up her arms, resting them on her neck, his thumbs resting on her chin.

What connection there was grew stronger and a ripple ran down Rey’s spine. Through her mind she felt his eyes open. His face was inches from hers. He pulled her body gently closer, hands remaining on her neck. She could feel her body betraying her with want. He felt it too. Eyes still closed she reach up, grabbing hold of his wrists, and pulling his hands off of her, letting go of him altogether afterwards.

Her eyes sprang open then, and as they did the table, chairs, lamp, all suddenly came crashing down to the floor of the small room. Rey’s hand shot up to her mouth with surprise and embarrassment as she looked about the room past Rens hulking frame, and back at her shaking hands. She pried her eyes away from the scene and looked up at him, he was shaking too.

He wanted her.

She did not need the force to tell her that.

Rey abruptly spun on her heels, unable to take the tension in the room, unable to look at the overturned table and chairs, symbols of her weakness. She stalked off, sharply turning the corner and marching back to the small room she awoke in. 

Behind her she heard the crashing of chairs against the floor, a sound of chaos. Her steps quickened and she raced into the room, doors whirling shut behind her.

***

She’d been laying on the bed in silence for hours. He hadn’t disturbed her and she hadn’t dared to venture out. She’d began to count the small metallic panels that made up the rooms ceiling. She’d purposefully left her mind a blank, unwilling to play the now familiar mental tug of war with him.

“Hey! Rey! Are you alive?” Came a familiar voice from the hidden communication device Finn had given her.

Rey sat up beaming, crossing her legs on the bed she pulled the device out from under her tunic. “Finn” She whispered, her mood instantly picking up. “Are you alive?”

A chorus of laughter came across the other line, including a Wookie cry.

“Yes” He laughed, “We all are.”

“Finn,” Rey held the device closer, and lowering her voice even further whispered, “Where am I ?”

There was a brief silence as Finn tracked her coordinates. “You aren’t too far from Tatooine actually, in the Outer Rim. Wait, what happened?” His tone was suddenly filled with worry.

“I sort have, may have, been kidnapped by Kylo Ren. But, it isn’t what it sounds like. He is practically alone, and isn’t on official First Order business. He left the fleet to find the source of the force…” She leaned back against the wall and drew her knees up, wrapping her free arm around them. “He left Hux in charge.”

“That explains it!” Came Poes triumphant voice.

“Wait what is happening?” She reached out mentally to ensure she wasn’t being listened in on.

She heard a short scuffle as her friends on the other end fought to be the one to share the news. After a grumble Rose came on the line. “We landed at Kashyyyk not too long ago and basically-”

“After much daring and bravery on my part” Chimed in Poe. She could hear BB-8’s grumbling in the background, “and BB-8’s”

Rose came back on, “Yes after much bravery we freed a large group of Wookie’s enslaved by the First Order. We have allies in them. We also heard from General Organa. She said that upon arriving at Tatooine they received intelligence that leadership amongst high ranking First Order officials were being questioned. That there were talks of a mutiny. Either way, they are too distracted by internal struggles to launch any kind of offensive. It’s perfect, we will have time to gather more allies at Tatooine.” 

Poe came on the line, “If you’re with Kylo Ren, and he’s left the First Order for this, this mission, then that is why things are going off kilter over there.”

“Wait. Are you alright? Are you hurt? Can you escape? Do we need to come get you?” Finn’s voice picked up with anxiety.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I’ll keep him distracted until the Resistance is ready for attack. I’ll be alright. I promise. It would be best if you did not try and contact me again, I’m afraid he’ll find this thing.” She looked at the small device in her hand. “Just, just be safe. I’ll contact you soon.”

“Rey.” Finns voice was suddenly serious. “If you can kill him, do it.”

Rey hung her head. That was the one thing, the one thing she feared she would not be capable of. “May the force be with you.” She whispered before turning the device off.

She ran a hand through the tangle of her hair, fingers getting stuck in knots. She glanced over at the open doorway of the small washroom. Quietly she got out of the bed and peaked in. A small enclosed shower sat tucked into one corner next to a tiny toilet, sink, and mirror. On the edge of the sink sat a neat bundle; a folded towel, and a fresh pair of clothes that looked to be his. Rey sighed and began undressing to wash off the remnants of the fight.

***

He figured he’d let enough time pass. Or at least he told himself. In truth, Ren was eager to hear what she had to say. He had every intention of dropping her off on some reputable planet if she refused, planning to see her again on the battlefield where the intensity of physical contact was replaced by the contact of their lightsabers. But. If she accepted, he had every intention of using it, whatever it was, he thought, that was between them, from the force, and from elsewhere. Using it to draw her to him, to the dark side, landing the final blow when they found the source of such evil.

He’d been sitting on the only chair that had survived his minor burst of anger, and stood up, marching with determination towards her room, formerly his own. He stopped before the double doors, using the force to slide them open.

She sat on the bed, wet hair still trickling droplets onto the clean set of clothes he had set aside for her that she now wore. She was in a pose of meditation, eyes close.

He took a step to enter but the doors abruptly shut in his face.

“Care to try that again” She yelled from behind the doors, humor in her voice.

He scowled before clearing his voice. He raised a hand and firmly knocked on the double doors, annoyed with her.

“Yes?” She yelled back.

His scowl deepend. “Let me in,” he grumbled. He paused, waiting, but nothing happened. “Do you have any idea of who I am you pitiful child!” He roared, losing his temper.

The doors whirled open, Rey stood on the other side, her eyes alight with faint mischief. “I will go with you, without a fight, and with complacency...Ben.” She smiled, before closing the doors again in his face.


	5. Chapter Five: Where She Joined the Light She too Would Face Death

An uneasiness had hung in the air. A thick tension. Rey and Kylo had barely spoken for days as the ship flew aimlessness, Ren attempting to use the force to pinpoint the location of such power, to fill in the missing piece of the map Darth Sidious had created before his death, before it could be completed.

Rey had almost barricaded herself in the small room that now belonged to her. She was willing to go along with his plan, not to help him however, but to buy time for her friends, for the Resistance, but after connecting with Ren so completely, so overpoweringly, she feared becoming any closer. She feared not only the poisoning of her mind, but feared that if a decisive moment came, and she had to make the decision to strike him down, she never would. So she’d shut him out completely, acting the part of a prisoner. 

He’d left her alone, sending in the droid to deliver food and keep her company. Eagerly asking the droid to report back after every interaction.

The two had closed themselves off from each other, but within such close proximity, barricading each other had become physically draining; it was weakening them. Neither had the strength they once did. It had started the night Rey had agreed to join him. Their walls built up instantly, and from then on, every hour, they had grown weaker, until two days had passed in this way. It was why Ren had yet been able to locate the source. His unwillingness to push her too far away soon became overpowered by his frustration at the weakening of his mind, of his abilities. The only thing that gave his life meaning, purpose. That made others lower their eyes to him.

Ren had thrown a cot down on the floor of the small escape pod attached to the ship. He lay on his side, back to the entrance, looking out at the clear walls of the pod at the passing stars. Exhaling he turned onto his back, finding no comfort still. Everything ached, the edges of his mind trembled with exhaustion. He could not allow this to continue any further.

“Please” He whispered to her in a moment of weakness, reaching out with the last remnants of his mental strength. “I cannot sleep, I cannot think, I cannot eat. I know you feel it too. Please.” His jaw quivered with tension. He felt as if, had he been standing, he would have collapsed.

His eyes closed in pain. It had been getting worse. He’d never felt this before. He couldn’t fathom.

Soft footsteps echoed down the hall, and Rey, clutching the sides of walls, came into view. He had not seen her much as of late, and her appearance shook him. She looked much more pale, the petal colors of her cheeks gone. Eyes were not alight with their usual mischief or fire.

She arrived, standing in the doorway holding on to the frame. “Why?” Her face twisted slightly with pain.

He sat up, mustering the last of his physical strength. “I do not know, I don’t understand.”

She stepped closer. “I’m afraid.”

Ren reached out his hand. He hoped that if they were to continue barring each other mentally, physical contact would be the only thing to stop the drain upon both of them. His conviction had grown upon seeing her face just now, seeing her like that.

Rey reached out, pausing with hesitation, before letting her fingertips graze his. The split second of contact sent a jolt through them, galvanizing their bodies. Rens eyes panned over Rey, the color returned to her complexion, to her cheeks, her lips. Rey looked from Ren to her hand, still outstretched but out of reach from his.

A hunger grew in his eyes and with what strength the moment had given him he reached out further, grasping her hand and pulling her to him. Still sitting he pulled her into an embrace, holding onto her waste, head resting against her stomach as she stood in between his legs. It suddenly all flooded back, again that ecstasy, that power, the life and force flowing back into their bodies. It was like a breath of air after drowning. The small patch of greenery bursting through black volcanic rock. It was the sun streaking the horizon after a storm.

Rey held him back, arms gingerly holding his head, fingers tangled in his hair. She looked out at the stars, her breathing heavy.

“You are, and will always be a monster to me.” She whispered, unable to untangle herself from him. Unwilling to.

“I know.” He mumbled, his face buried into the folds of fabric draped around her waist.

“But we need this don’t we?” She asked, looking down. It was the most vulnerable she had ever seen him, clutching her like she was life itself. She knew this moment of weakness would never last. She knew what strength, what power meant to him, what meaning it gave him, she had seen it.

“I think we do.” He sighed, the last of the pain and tension leaving his body. He gripped her tighter. She smelled of clean linens and Ithorian roses. He shut his eyes tighter.

“I hate this.” Rey’s fingers clutched harder at the black locks of his hair.

“And you think I don’t? Do you think I enjoy this mental tug of war? Do you think I enjoy needing the help of a peasant to keep this physical draining at bay? Do you think I enjoy being a feeble weakling clutching at my enemy like a child to their blanket during strikes of lightning in the night sky?” Abruptly he let go and gently pushed her away, holding her at arms length, realizing the folly of the situation. Realizing his failings, his weakness.

“Come.” He said bluntly, the vulnerability gone from his baritone voice. He took her hand and and led her around the cot, swinging his legs to the other side. He tugged her down onto the cot next to him so that the two of them sat looking out at the clear wall of the pod. He kept a hold of her hand, and looked out at the vast blackness, unwilling to come to terms that each day was bringing about a new way in which he needed her.

Rey turned her head so that she could look at him. He felt her eyes on him but just couldn’t look back into those hazel pools. “I will help you fully, to find, this, this source. But my allegiance does and forever will lie with the Resistance. Before myself, and before you. Once we find whatever we are looking for I am leaving, whether you allow me to or not.” 

“Go. Rest. Build what barriers you require, tomorrow we will join minds and search.” His tone was devoid of emotion. At his side, his other hand clenched and unclenched with tension.

Rey turned to look back out through the walls. “Do you think I can stay a little longer?”

He turned to look at her with surprise, noting the rapid rise and fall of her chest, the submissiveness of her hand in his. “Of course.”

***  
“Stop!” Rey smiled, opening her eyes. “You’re getting sweat all over my hands.” She swatted his hands away.

She sat across from Ren in a pose of meditation, legs crossed. Their knees just barely touching. The small dining area had been cleared and they sat in the centre, preparing to join minds in search of the source.

“What do you want from me, my hands sweat, it is a natural human process what-” Ren glowered at her with mock anger.

“Shush” Rey smiled, trying to compose herself. She took his large hands and placed them palms down so that they were resting on her knees. He looked down raising a brow questioningly. She rolled her eyes before placing her palms down over top of his hands. Closing her eyes in concentration. He did the same, a hint of a smile lingering on his lips.

The galaxy suddenly lay before them behind their closed lids. Like a hologram, but every detail was present. Every crack in every asteroid.

Rey’s mouth opened involuntarily in wonderment. She hadn’t seen anything like it before.

“Here” Ren whispered, closing in on a specific region of the mental map before them. “Feel it, find it. I’ve come this way but my mind alone is not strong enough.”

Rey exhaled, closing in on to the spot he described. Moons and planets orbited an empty space. She brought herself closer but could feel something pushing her mind back. “It doesn’t want to be found.” She said softly as she continued her concentration.

Together they pushed back the mental resistance, coming closer and closer to the cloaked planet until it suddenly came into view below. Pitch black clouds enveloped the dark planet. Swirls of hurricanes dotted the surface above stormy seas. What little land they could see was desolate save for the remnants of a crumbling temple made of red stone, since turned muddy with weathering and ash.

Rey’s mind pushed further, coming to the entrance. Fallen stones lay in heaps. The place had looked untouched for millions of years. It was in complete ruin, and yet, as she peered through the doorway, there was only blackness, she did not see the tumbled stones that should have been visible on the other side.

“No” Ren said angrily, trying to hold Rey’s mind back as she tried to enter.

She mentally pushed him back and entered the dark, suddenly feeling his presence leave her altogether.

***

“Rey! Rey!” Ren cried out with concern. As soon as she’d mentally shaken him off and entered the temple his eyes had flown open, having felt her hands slip from atop his. She was convulsing on the floor, shaking and turning, her eyes looking out but seeing nothing, gurgling sounds escaping her lips.

“RD-12!” Kylo yelled, he needed help stabilizing her. The droid came equipped with internal medical equipment.

The droid came rushing over. Hovering over Rey’s convulsing body, unsure of what his master required of him.

“Sedate her!” He screamed, trying to cradle her head from thrashing against the hard floor of the room.

An internal storage unit quickly sprang out of the droid revealing an array of medical equipment. RD-12 pulled out a syringe. Holding Rey’s arm steady he injected her with the sedative. Her body instantly went limp.

Ren worriedly lowered his ear to her chest, assuring himself her heartbeat was still present. He threw off the extra cloak he was wearing, his body had become warmer with the intensity of his worry. Kneeling before her he placed his hands on either side of her head, fingers spread out, and lowered his temple to hers. He closed his eyes and looked inside.

As soon as he entered her mind his head filled with the sounds of her agonized screams. He could hear her all around, but couldn’t find her. He called her name again and again, wincing with every scream. It felt like wading through pitch black waters at night. There was no up or down, merely a tugging all around his body. He searched but saw nothing. An idea sprang to his mind, and in this mental limbo he reached his hands out, attempting something he had never done in the physical sphere. Sparks began to fly from his fingertips, illuminating patches of the darkness around him. He spotted her in the distance, the faint flicker of a pale cheek. He yelled with exhaustion as he used the internal force to bring her to him. She was convulsing just as her physical body had been. 

He grabbed hold of her. Gathering his strength he tried to envelope her being, her mind, and push her out of the place. He held her as he body thrashed against hers and suddenly she vanished. But he remained.

As soon as she had left, the chilling black around him grew silent until a figure appeared abruptly before him, glowing red around the edges of the tall frame. 

It was Snok.

He smirked down at Ren. “Foolish boy. You know nothing of me, of my species, of the dark.” He was plucking the questions right out of Ren’s mind.

Ren was paralyzed, his body frozen before Snok. Only his eyes could move, but there was nowhere to look but into the menacing eyes of his former master.

“It was never my intention to rule the Last Order. We sensed an awakening, a conflict, and I was sent to quelch it, but it seems I was mistaken. It is why I am here now. It is why I sent you in search of this place.” Snok began circling Ren. “For the first time in milleniums, the dark has the potential to succeed, succeed in the face of a single ray of light. I was sent to turn you but I felt your resolve for the dark slipping away. I used the girl, hoping you could turn her, hoping that the potential to have a companion at your side would force you to take control, to bring her into the folds of the dark.” Snok stopped circling him, his rustling robes stopping their swaying. “My death was written in time long before you knew of the girl, long before your conception. However, things are not as they should be. You are losing the fight to turn her.”

He bent down so that his piercing eyes were inches from Rens immobile frame.

“It is your destiny to rule. I feel you want no part, but it is the path chosen for you, and the one you must take. Turn her and she will rule at your side.” Snok turned to look off into the distance of the darkness. “Time stands before me like the branches of a tree, there are too many potential paths…” He brought his angry eyes back to Rens, “and only one leads to the dark. It is the path you must take.” 

He reached out, grabbing hold of Ren’s frozen shoulder, and squeezed it, digging his fingers past the mental fabric and to the soft flesh. Ren wanted to scream out in pan, but he couldn’t.

Abruptly he fell to his knees, finally able to move as Snok released his grip and turned to leave, but not stopping and turning around, the hint of a smile around the edges of his grotesque mouth. “Ah, I forgot to add. What time has told me, what is also solidified. If the girl chooses the light, she will die.”

Rens eyes sprang open. He was on his back on the floor of the dining area, RD-12 anxiously sitting next to him. His shoulder flared with pain. After the brief shock of waking up he instantly searched with his eyes for her.

“I moved her sir, to her bed.” The droid stood up, reaching a hand out for Ren. Ren grabbed it and stood up. “She has since woken up.”

“How, how long have I been here?” He straightened out his tunic, mind still hazy.

“A little over an hour sir. I thought it best not to move you.”

“Thank you RD-12” Ren called behind him as he rushed to Reys room.

Her doors were open. She sat on the bed, knees drawn up so her chin rested on them, legs crossed at the ankles. Her eyes were cast down. He could feel the anxiety emanating from the room.

Her eyes lifted to meet his as she heard the so hard, determined sounds of his footfalls.

Without hesitation he walked into the room and knelt on the floor before the bed, never letting their locked eyes falter. “What happened.”

Rey shook her head, closing her eyes eyes. “I felt evil. I felt hate and anger all around me. It felt as if thousands of worms were burrowing under my skin and trying to find their way to my heart.” She opened her eyes, looking back at him with conviction as she placed her hands on his shoulders. Ren winced slightly. “Ben we cannot go to that place. I don’t know why, but something felt terribly terribly wrong. It was not as you described at all.”

He stood, looking away from her. “I know. I know.” He had gotten what he needed, guidance. He now knew where his allegiance stood, whether he truly wanted it or not. His was the path of the dark, with Rey at his side. He could not lose her to the light.

“Did, did you know this would happen?” She whispered, unwilling to believe he had foreseen the agony she had endured whilst in the dark.

Ren looked down at her imploring hazel eyes. “I did not. I, I would not have allowed that to... I didn’t know.”

“Are we done?” She shifted so that she was kneeling on the bed.

“No.” He choked out the word. In a sense, yes, yes they were done. He’d asked her to stay for the remainder of the quest, but things had not gone as planned. He’d only needed her mind. What he’d seen, the two of them fighting side by side must have been a mistake. But he could not let her go now. He had to do something, anything, to keep her. She couldn’t be allowed to return to the Resistance; where she joined the light she too would face death.

Suddenly the ship rumbled, shaking Ren off balance so he fell to the floor. Alarms began blaring, and he could hear RD-12’s panicked cries in the control room.

It was an explosion.


	6. Chapter Six: Do You Think I Wanted This

“Supreme Leader!” Yelled RD-12 from the command room.

Ren regained his footing and bolted for the command room. He could hear Rey’s footsteps close behind him.

RD-12 sat at the primary wheel of the ship, frantically clicking buttons on the panel before him. Just beyond the ship in the distance was a cruiser from the First Order, six starfighters hovered around the ship. It was a smaller model, typically used to transport a small battalion, six starfighters, and typically higher ranking officials.

“Sir they are attempting to make contact.” The droid said worriedly, handing a headset to Ren.

Ren thrust himself into the seat next to RD-12, angrily pulling on the headset. He could feel Rey standing behind him with concern, her fingers wrapped around the back of his chair. “Put them through.”

“Kylo Ren.” Came a familiar icy voice on the other end.

“Hux what is the meaning of this!” They had clearly been fired upon, but there was no mistaking Ren’s ship as anything other than one belonging to the First Order.

“Decisions have been made in your absence. Your leadership is no longer required… Ben Solo.” He spat out, a hint of delight in his tone.

A roar erupted from Rens lips.

Rey could hear the metal of the ships walls creak as his anger shook the ship.

Hux laughed on the other end. “Now, we know the girl is on board. We are preparing a ship to leach onto yours and board. If your ship moves even a parsec, we will blow the whole thing.”

There was a sudden thud at the back of the ship.

“It would appear they are prying open our main entrance sir.” The droid looked nervously at Ren.

“RD-12, prepare for battle if it comes to that. But man the controls. Do not move the ship.” Ren stood, his brow furrowed with anger and determination. “Come” He spat out walking past Rey. She followed.

He ran to a small compartment in the storage area, just past the decompression chamber that stood between them and the oncoming troops. He threw Rey her lightsaber and pulled out his own.

Another thud shook the ship.

Ren continued his frantic preparation, whilst Rey stood in shock.

“Stop!” She yelled suddenly.

Ren paused as he finished pulling on his gloves. Worry, anger, strength, and determination marred his features. “What. We don’t have time for that.”

In the state of shock Rey’s mental guards had faltered. He’d picked the thought right from her mind. “You aren’t letting them take me?” She stood, her stance for battle, legs apart, arm clutching tightly onto her lightsaber, but her eyes were locked on Ren imploringly.

“No. No I am not.” He shut the door to the compartment and walked past her into the dining area, still cleared from their meditation. It was the best spot for defensive positioning. Not only was it open enough to allow them to maneuver with their lightsabers without slicing cuts into the walls of the ship, it was close to the escape pod. He took position in the centre of the room, one leg slightly before the other, chest rising and falling rapidly with the mounting adrenaline coursing through his body.

Rey took position next to him, releasing her lightsaber, wincing at the loud thud that meant they had breached the entrance and were now making their way past the pressure chamber. She looked to Ren with doubt. A lone ship, two fighters, and one droid. “Why?”

He released his lightsaber, the glow of red reflecting off the walls of the room, it wash brighter than hers. “You know why!” He yelled, beating his chest, preparing himself for the onslaught.

The ships alarms stills buzzed in the background, now mingled with the whirling of their lightsabers, and the thud thud thud of the inner doors being broken down.

“Rey!” Came a sudden muffled voice from inside Rey’s tunic.

Ren glowered at her before returning his gaze towards where the enemy would enter.

Rey pulled out the small communication device from the folds of her clothing. “Um a little busy here Finn.”

Suddenly the last of the ships barriers exploded, and smoke filled the air of the ship. Rey tossed the device to the side of the room, it skidded and stopped against the wall. She grabbed her lightsaber with both hands, closing her eyes and reaching out with her mind to feel the amount of troops sent in to retrieve her.

“There's ten.” She calmly said inside his mind. He gave her a curt nod.

“Rey! They are sending a small battalion out to capture you and kill Ren! We intercepted one of their transmissions! You need to get out of there!” Finn yelled, the faint sound of the device barely breaking through the chaos all around the small ship.

Through the smoke stepped a cluster of soldiers. Rey had never seen them before They were dressed somewhere between stormtroopers and the praetorian guard she and Ren had faced off against. They were armored in white suits with detailed red markings. Instead of blasters they carried melee weapons, weapons completely new to her. They looked like variations on swords.

“Mandalorian Iron.” Came his voice in her mind. “The only metal able to withstand blows from a lightsaber.” An audible growl erupted from between Ren’s clenched teeth before his arm thrust out and the first row of soldiers flew back.

“Rey! Rey! Did you hear me! You need to get out of there!” Buzzed Finns frantic voice.

“Yes thank you Finn but I’m afraid you’re a little late” Rey yelled before jumping up, her lightsaber aimed at one of the soldiers. His sword flew up to meet her blow.

And it began.

The dull room was alight with smoke and the glow of lightsabers. At first the two fought side by side, but it became clear that that formation wouldn’t work. The soldiers were there to disarm and capture Rey and there to kill Ren. No matter how hard the two fought to stay together, they kept being separated by the different motives of the soldiers.

A slicing blow knicked Ren shoulder. He roared with anger, using one hand to choke the soldier, while he tried to stave off another with the other hand. The soldier fell dead on the floor and he sent his lightsaber through the other.

Four dead, two injured, four attacking.

Ren spared a glance at Rey. Her right arm was soaked with blood from a wound he couldn’t see. She’d been cornered by two soldiers who were trying to disarm her by weakening her. They’d both brought down their swords, and with both hands she clutched her lightsaber, sweat streaming down her face, her strength was wavering. She was struggling to keep them at bay as the two collectively pushed against her.

“WATCH OUT” Rey screamed.

Ren ducked and a blade flew by his face, just missing his ear. He jumped back so he was closer to Rey, his back to the large clear walls at the back of the room, Rey to his right. He sent his lightsaber slashing the back of one of the soldiers attacking her, raising the other with the force and sending him across the room into the remaining two attackers.

Rey jumped out from the corner. Running forward she leapt up, bringing her lightsaber down into the helmet of one of the masked attackers.

Abruptly she was pushed back, Ren taking her place to meet the blow of the remaining soldier. He kicked him in the chest, sending his body landing with a thud against one wall. He stood, panting with exhaustion, droplets of sweat trickling off his damp hair, and brought the lightsaber through the soldiers heart.

Rey was next to him instantly, looking for signs he was seriously wounded. He brushes her off and grabbed hold of her bloodied arm, looking for the source of the bleeding. “Hold still dammit.” Ren growled, adrenaline coursing through him still from the fight.

Rey swatted him away. “You’re the one covered in blood.” She crossed her arms raising an eyebrow, wincing with the pain that emanated from her right arm.

Ren looked down. He was. Splatters of red covered almost every inch of him. “Not mine.” He shrugged before lifting Rey up with the force and pinning her to the wall. She squirmed as he grabbed her arm, inspecting it. There was a large gash where her shoulder met her arm and one just past the dip of her elbow. They weren't deep, but the blood had the potential to make any weapon slip from her hand. He let go of her arm and ripped off the sleeve of his shirt. He brought his face inches from hers, feeling the warm breath escaping her lips from the rapid beating of her heart. He leaned in even closer, “You’ll be fine.” 

She dropped to her feet and he thrust the torn sleeve into her hand. He spun on his heels and stalked off to the control room.

“Nerfherder” Rey mumbled, following behind him, tearing the sleeve apart to wrap around her arm.

Suddenly the ship violently shook again. They’d been fired on. The ships alarms began blaring even louder.

“Sir, it appears as if they have fired their own ship. The one attached, to make room for another to lock on. For more soldiers to arrive.” RD-12 fiddled with the control panel, in even more of a panic.

The ship shook again, but not with an explosion.

“Sir they have locked on.” The droids shoulders slumped in a slight indication of dejection.

“We’re going to have to try and jump to lightspeed.” Ren spat out, knowing full well they had the potential of being shot down as soon as they moved, but also of being tracked into lightspeed.

“Wait!” Rey yelled. Pointing out the large clear window before them. Seven small ships suddenly appeared, surrounding the First Order’s ship. “It’s the resistance! They’ve tracked me” She smiled.

The Resistance fleet instantly began shooting at the starfighters. Rey screamed with delight as the first starfighter was shot down, hitting the edge of the First Orders cruiser.

Ren let out a loud, deep, angry sigh. Those were still his ships, his men, being shot down, no matter what had been decided in his absence. His ears perked to the sound of footsteps and his head turned in the direction of the entrance. “They’re onboard. Alright. RD-12, you man the ship, listen to every word the girl says. Rey, man the blasters. Try and keep the ship intact to the best of your abilities.” He handed her the head set and pointed his chin in the direction of the small hole that led down to the cockpit that manned the blasters, at the belly of the ship.

She grabbed it and turned to leave but paused. “Can you take them?”

“We’ll see.” He had to do everything, everything he could to get them out of there in one piece. It wasn’t a matter of capture, of choosing a side. It was a matter of survival. Although he hated the scum that had arrived, he knew they had saved their lives, at least for the moment.

Rey tossed him her lightsaber, giving Ren a hint of a smile, before opening the latch that led down to the blaster cockpit and disappearing out of sight.

***

Rey jumped into the seat and began fiddling with the controls. Explosions rained before her as half the Resistance fighters splintered off and began attacking the cruiser, testing its shield to its limits. Starfighters buzzed by and one landed a blow, clipping the wing of their ship. “RD-12 avoid being hit at all costs do you hear me? Now follow that starfighter.”

As soon as the ship buzzed to life the cruiser began firing on them. RD-12 dodged, zigzagging from left to right. Resistance fighters and starfighters chased each other past the ship. Shots were being fired in every direction. 

One starfighter, trying to avoid a resistance ship suddenly ducked in front of them, and Rey fired. The ship was going too fast, and as the starfighter exploded, their ship burst through the flames and debris, shaking their ship. “Keep her steady!” Rey yelled into the headset, aiming at another starfighter, trying her best to keep locked on as RD-12 kept swerving to dodge the cruisers blasts.

She thought she caught sight of Poe for a split second, but the ship passed.

Their ship was rocked again by another blast, the cruiser wasn’t letting them stay out of reach, it was advancing at best it could considering its size. The resistance fighters kept blasting on it, some were dropping bombs on its surface and finally one managed to make a direct hit the instant the shields faltered.

Fiery explosions, and glimmers of red ammunition illuminated the space of the battlefield.

Resistance fighters landed another blow, when suddenly the cruiser started an all out assault on their ship, aiming all cannons in their direction. Rey tried shooting the blasts before they could make contact with the ship, but there was a direct hit, and the ship shook again violently. Smoke began filling the air.

Rey grabbed the fabric from her tunic, holding it up to her mouth and evacuated the cockpit, feeling out with her mind for him, for any breath of life.

He needed her.

***

Smoke had completely filled the room. He slipped on blood everywhere he stepped. Every twist of his body opened up the cuts littering his skin. His clothing was in tatters, barely hanging onto his torso. He’d had to close his eyes, using the second sight of his mind to find his enemies. Again it had been ten, but the smoke, the confusion, the blasts shaking the ship, had given him a small advantage. Ren had managed to cut down five of his opponents, but now the smoke had begun to suffocate him.

He lunged into the dark plumes of gray. The problem was they could see the lightsabers, Rey’s green in his left hand, and his red in the right. He jabbed, and parred, deflecting blow after blow as they circled him.

The ship suddenly rocked violently throwing him against one wall. He yelled internally knowing it was a direct hit.

He swung the lightsabers again, feeling their oncoming attack. Swinging one and then the other he alternated, cutting them down as they came in his way, but their armor was strong, and their weapons were not faltering.

Abruptly a blade made contact with his thigh and his legs buckled. He fell onto his knees, the blade still sticking out from his leg. He yelled in anger, a louder gutteral sound that shook fear into his attackers, before dropping Rey’s lightsaber and pulling the blade out, throwing it at one soldier, while ducking backward to avoid another blow.

The lightsaber flew across the room, coming to life in Rey’s awaiting hand. She lunged into the smoke, fending off Ren’s next attacker, before thrusting out her hand and helping him back up.

They stood back to back, now circled by the three remaining soldiers. Where one bent forward, the other dipped back. Where one blade came down, another came up. They knew exactly how, and when the other would move, would shift, would turn. Their fight was a dance, but it was no use, they were too weak, every breath was scorched their lungs and they were struggling.

“GET BACK!” Ren yelled, pushing Rey into a corner with his free hand, before he thrust it out, roaring. Sparks began flying from his fingertips then suddenly streams of power sprung out.

Rey clutched her ears to stop from hearing the screams of the soldiers.

The ship shook again violently with another blow. A corner of the ship had been blown off. Suddenly all the smoke left the room, sucked out into the gaping hole that had been the main control room. Rey could finally see clearly and a sword swung by her face. Ren again had crumpled to his knee, the force of his powers weakening him, and the injury to his leg faltering his stance until he couldn’t stand.

The third opponent had used the brief moment of distraction to close in on Rey, swinging before kicking the feet out from under her. She fell hard on her back. He brought the sword down, aimed at her head, but Rey rolled to the left avoiding the blow and letting out a slight scream as it collided with the ground next to her face. Her lightsaber had been knocked from her hand.

The screams suddenly stopped and Ren threw Rey her lightsaber just in time for her to block the next blow, sending the soldier faltering back before she thrust the saber into their stomach.

Rey’s head fell back with exhaustion. Tears began streaming out from her closed lids. 

The ship was going to blow.

She opened her eyes to find Ren standing over her, his bloodied hand reaching out to help her up. His black hair was matted with sweat and blood. His tunic had fallen off and his torso was riddled with red. His chest rose and fell rapidly, the other hand clenched at his side.

She grabbed it, pulling herself up, in shock at the death and sensory overload around her.

He pulled her into him softly to that their chests rested against each other. He brought his hands up and rested them on either side of her face and lowered his head so that they were on eye level. “Listen to me. You need to get it together alright. Grab the lightsabers and prepare the escape pod for ejection.”

She reached her hands up so that they rested over top of his and gave a faint nod, pulling herself away and doing what was asked.

Ren rushed away to gather what he could from the small cargo area. Food, clothing, more weapons, anything he could get a hold of. He checked the control room, RD-12 was gone, along with most of the room. Out in the distance the fight raged out. Starfighter numbers had dwindled to two but the cruiser was still somewhat intact and fully functioning. He raced towards the escape pod, spotting Rey’s small communication device along the way, he brought his foot down, crushing it into pieces. 

The small pod, cleared of his cot, was booted up and ready to eject. A large clear wall overed one side, with cushions covering the other walls. The walls were harnessed on either side against the cushioning to strap down wto evacuees at a time. Once launched it was meant to seek and drop down to the nearest planet.

Rey was still in shock, pacing from side to side in the small pod. As soon as he appeared carrying a bag of supplies her pacing stopped.

[Music recommendation! Play this as you read on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-2hUmoaPfU ]

“Why!” Rey screamed, unable to take the chaos all around them, the sounds of explosions, the sounds of alarms within the ship, the carnage in the small room, the blood of others covering her.

“Why what!” He said angrily. They didn’t have time for this, they didn’t have time for any of it.

Rey waved her hand around. “All of this! Why didn’t you let them take me! Why didn’t you let Snok kill me! I don’t understand what we’re doing here!” The tears were streaming down Rey’s bloodied cheeks, leaving streaks in their wake. She was shaking.

“YOU KNOW DAMN WELL!” Ren yelled, throwing the bag of supplies down at Rey’s feet and stepping into the pod, angrily turning to the control panel next to the doors, which whirled shut behind him.

Rey grabbed his arm forcefully, turning him to face her. She shook her head, “It doesn’t make any sense. It’s not supposed to be like this.”

“You think I can help it! DO YOU THINK I WANTED THIS. THAT I WANTED TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU!” His face was turning red with frustration as he stood breathing heavily, looming over her.

Another explosion rocked the ship. Ren quickly hit the eject button, and the small escape pod shot out. His footing faltered and he fell into Rey where she stood against the cushioned side of the pod. He braced himself, throwing his hands out on either side of her head, so that she was caged in front of him.

Her eyes looked up at him with anger, anger and confusion, still glistening from her tears. “I hate you,” she whispered placing her hands gingerly on either side of his face and bringing her face close enough to his so that their lips almost touched. “I hate you” She whispered again before softly letting her lips collide with his.

He thought he knew her, he thought she would never, could never return his feelings. He kissed her back hungrily, his generous lips moving against hers with the full force of his want for her.

The ship, exploding in the distance, lit the escape pod with a fiery orange glow as it floated away.

His body pressed her further against the walls of the pod, tangling his fingers into her hair, lips unable, unwilling to leave hers. She felt like fire, like life itself. The force flowed from one to the other in a pure blinding light of ecstasy now familiar to them.

Ren pulled away, catching his breath and kissing a line down from her mouth, across her jawline, and down her neck, nipping at the tender skin. A small gasp escaped Rey’s lips as she pulled him even closer, fingertips now clutching at the bare skin of his back. His hands released her hair and trailed down to her legs, grabbing hold of her thighs and pulling her up. She locked her legs around his hips in response. 

His hands hovered hesitantly over her tunic and his kissing stopped to look questioningly into her eyes. Biting her lip she gave a small nod. Instantly his fists were full of fabric and he tore it right off of her, letting the shreds drop to the floor. She brought her mouth back to his, ardently kissing him with every fiber of her body. She held herself up, arms now locked around his neck, as his hands explored her soft skin, riddled with cuts and bruises.  
The sensation of his rough hands against the bare skin of first her stomach, trailing up her sternum, and then gently around her neck, made the breath catch in her throat.

He wanted to be gentle. She was the most precious, the most delicate thing in the galaxy to him, but he could feel her mind, they could feel each others. An unspoken hunger, an unspoken want and desire was all their minds could project. It was all that made sense in that moment.

Her legs unlocked from around him and her feet dropped to the floor. Peppering his chest with kisses, her hands began tugging wantonly at his pants.

His hand covers hers, stopping her. The other gently grabbed her chin, tilting it up so that she was looking into his eyes. “Do you want this?” He whispered, lips brushing against hers, before laying a soft lingering kiss.

“I do. Nothing seems to make sense but the fact that I, I want you. I need you” She brushed the matted locks of hair from his eyes, letting her fingertips softly brush against his forehead. “I love you.”


	7. Chapter Seven: We Are At An Impasse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Eight

Rey closed her eyes, a smile playing on her lips as she placed her palms down on the damp rock of the cave. “It’s as if I can feel every heartbeat of every critter. I can feels the leaves growing. I can feel the small ripples of water on every patch of swampy water.” Everything was in such vivid detail around her. 

“I feel it too” Ren mumbled, his mind distracted as he snapped a small branch in half and tossed it into the small fire. As soon as the two had crash landed Rey had been overwhelmed by the force emanating from the planet. But with no way of escaping, all Ren could focus on was trying to find a way off of the forsaken swamp planet and returning to the First Order to take his rightful place. 

He looked at Rey, the small flames dancing in twisting silhouettes on her face as she sat in meditation. Many things had been left unspoken, such as who was to join whom. Like how long it would take for the incompatibility of their situation to tear apart the uneasy peace and respite they had created in the confines of the escape pod, holding each other, exploring eachother, making love as the stars passed by.

Something had broken within him. Some defence he had built up. He’d never been touched, comforted, held in such a way his entire life. It was a sensation wholly new to him, and it confused him and frustrated him.

“I feel the confusion and frustration surrounding you in an aura of orange, dancing around the edges of your being like the flames. It’s been there ever since we landed.” Rey shifted closer so she was sitting next to him, legs crossed, her bandaged arms resting against his.

“Yes and I feel yours. The purest green, bright and brilliant enough to match any greenery on this damned planet. It is happiness and wonderment. It’s usually there, but now it’s dazzling.” He turned his face away from the flames and looked at her, smiling, a sensation new to him.

She reached out slowly, taking his hand. He involuntarily flinched, before letting her take it and holding it between both of hers. “This is new to you isn’t it? Intimacy and love.” She stroked the back of his hands, a hint of a blush spreading out across her small rounded cheeks.

“And isn’t it new to you too?” His face turned back to the flames, tossing in a twig with his free hand.

“It is. But, it feels natural. It feels right. I don’t think it feels the same for you.” She brought his hand to her lips.

“The unfortunate circumstances of my bloodline can be thanked for that.” He grumbled, but closed his eyes with calm at the sensation of her soft lips against his skin.

“But, but you had a mother, a father, a master that loved you.” Rey turned his hand, holding his palm to her cheek.

The fire snapped and crackled in front of them, filling the heavy silence that followed.

Slowly Ren retracted his hand. “I do not wish to have this conversation now.” His teeth were clenched as he tried to control his temper. He hastily stroked her hair, trying to give the illusion of calm. “I am going to see if I can find anything to help us.” He stalked away.

They’d made shelter in a small cave, the least damp place they could find. All around was marshy swampland. The sky was completely blocked out by thick foliage. Moss hung from tree branches and the faint call of birds nesting in the high treetops could be heard. Between patches of swamp were small walkways of stone. Ren could feel the place had been inhabited, at some point at least, and he went in search of something, anything to help them, and distract himself from Rey’s words.

He jumped from one stone to the other, angrily slashing the foliage around him with his lightsaber, bits of twigs, leaves, and moss rained down around.

Back at the cave Rey winced. Given her connection with the planet, each sliced piece of greenery felt like a slap in the face.

He’d wandered out quite far from the cave leaving a trail of tattered foulage in his wake. It felt like walking in circles, everything looked the same.

Suddenly a twig snapped behind him. His head turned instantly in the direction but he saw nothing. 

The rustle of leaves.

Again nothing.

He could feel a presence, a presence half there, but he couldn’t see it, whatever it was. “Show yourself!” He yelled, turning and turning in place but seeing no one.

The rustling of branches suddenly revealed a familiar, semi-opaque figure, surrounded by a green glow.

“You.” He stood shocked. Without making the decision to, he lept up, bringing his lightsaber down onto the figure of Luke Skywalker.

The image blurred like a splash disturbing the mirrored image of a moon on water, but returned.

“Relax kid” Luke smirked, taking a seat on a fallen log. He was dressed as Ren had last seen him, dark robes of interlocking fabric, every bit the Jedi master he was.

“What are you doing here” He growled. He knew it was no use fighting the man, but he despised him. The master that feared him. The master that gave up on him. The master that betrayed him. He’d felt his death the moment the figure had disappeared on Crait, but knew it wasn’t fully his own doing.

“I told you I’d be seeing you, did I not.” Luke laughed, smoothing out his robes.

Ren roared and slashed at the transparent figure until he’d exhausted himself, the sweat pooling on his brow.

“Finished?” Luke said calmly, folding his hands on his lap.

Ren brushed his hair back from his forehead, still panting. He flicked off his lightsaber. “Yes.” He’d had an overpowering desire to find then destroy his old master, it felt strange seeing him now, in such a way, and speaking to him with calm.

Luke beamed, “Fantastic. How are you? How is Rey?”

“Cut the crap old man. What do you want.” Ren took a seat opposite Luke on a large moss covered boulder.

Luke’s face grew serious. He hunched forward looking in to Rens eyes “She is going to die kid. There is nothing you can do to stop that.” 

Ren stood to his feet in a burst of anger. “You don’t know that!,” he spat. He wanted to tear him apart. He wanted to tear the whole damn swamp apart. The whole galaxy apart. 

Anything, anything to save her. His only plan now rested on her love for him, clinging at what little hope his mangled mind could muster, he hoped that her feelings could, would, be enough to tear her away from the light.

Luke’s eyes grew sad. “You were right kid. She is the chosen one. But her prophecy is not to hold your hand and go tralalalala to the dark side alright. If you look inside yourself, you know this to be true. She will bring balance. Exactly how, it is unsure, whether it is to come up against the dark, or diminish it, it is unknown. But it is her Ben.”

Ren turned to look away, unable to hear the words coming from his former master, unable to bear it. His gloved hands clenched at his sides. 

Luke continued. “I know you. I know you Ben. Without Snok, the dark side truly means nothing more to you than power. And that is all you ever wanted wasn’t it. But you’re confused kid. Power is not the same as respect. A legacy, a name, pushing you constantly, an absentee father, hey I get it. But ruling the First Order, letting the dark succeed, it isn’t going to fix the mistakes of the past. The past can never die. What you’re doing, what you’ve done, is step into the vicious cycle of our lineage. Anakin skywalker, my father, your grandfather, thought he could save the ones he loved by turning to the dark. He was wrong. He was seduced by power and love. When I was training Rey, I could feel it, your connection to her. It empowered her. You gave her that kid. You gave her that trust in herself, in her abilities. You gave, but don’t take away now. Try as you might Ben, she must die.”

Ren turned his back to Luke, shaking his head, unable and unwilling to process what he was hearing. He couldn’t meet the imploring eyes of his former master. His hands wound into his hair and he gripped at it with frustration. “No” He whispered at first, his vision becoming blurry from the tears that threatened to escape. He pulled at his hair, feeling the truth in the words his master spoke, but fighting against them “NO” He yelled, pulling out his lightsaber and slashing at the nearest tree, again and again.

The tears spilled over as his lightsaber kept making contact with the tree, slicing deep marks into the trunk.

“Ben..”

He stopped instantly, hearing her voice behind him. Bits of bark rained down on him. He turned his head, but Luke was gone. A concerned Rey taking his place. Her eyes looked on at the scene with worry.

He felt frozen, turning back and staring at the half destroyed tree in front of him, chest rising and falling as he tried to regain his emotions.

A soft hand slipped into his, gently pulling the lightsaber free and disarming it. She dropped it to the ground and stood in front of him, blocking the view of the damaged tree as best she could with her small frame. She brought her hand up to his cheek, and he closed his eyes, savoring the comforting sensation.

“Ben, what on earth are you doing.” Rey said softly. 

He pulled her into his arms, resting his cheek on the soft tresses of her loose hair. She held him back, feeling the turmoil within him from the proximity of their touch. She was afraid. She could feel the potential destruction emanating from his body, his mind. The potential for chaos and death that the man, holding her softly, had.

She loved him. She’d finally admitted it to herself and to him. She had known his feelings long ago, and so had he, but it was her who had fought against them. Embracing him the way she had in the escape pod, feeling a closeness she never had before as their bodies intertwined, it had felt right, it had made her whole. But since landing, she couldn’t help but feel immense guilt and confusion. She felt like she had betrayed the Resistance in some way. But she still hoped. She still hoped to turn him to the light, that it would be her love that could sway him. She couldn’t let the worried words boiling within her to be left unsaid any longer.

She peaked up at him. “You love me?” She whispered against his chest.

He stared off at the marsh fog closing in around them, the trees turning into silhouettes. “More than you know.” The words caught in his throat. He wiped violently at his eyes, detesting the pitifulness of crying.

She pulled away, holding him at arms length, staring up at him until he unwillingly met her eyes. “Then why. Why do I feel you still leaning towards the dark? I thought things would have changed in your mind, but they haven’t. Since we landed here yesterday I can’t help but feel, feel so much more than I did, and I feel scared. Of you.”

He let out a long, deep, heavy sigh. “It is no longer my choice. It is something I must-,” his voiced cracked as emotion gripped him, “I must do.”

Rey shook her head, taking a step back. “Ben no. No you don’t. Everyone has a choice.” Her eyes began to well with tears, “Stop that! I can feel you shutting down on me!” She was right. Without any way to truly tell her that his decision to join the dark rested on her life, he found her pleas futile, and began closing her off. Closing himself off emotionally, mentally. The mental barriers he’d first put up to keep her out were built back up. She began beating on his chest with frustration. “Don’t you dare push me away like you have everyone else.”

He stepped away from her. “Trust me, I’m not trying to. There are things I know… I can’t- I love you but my path will always be in darkness.” He began pacing with frustration. 

“Why? Why is it that I have to compromise?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do Ben! It isn’t about choosing what I want, it’s about turning your back on the poison that’s infected your mind. It’s about freeing hundreds of planets from enslavement, from dictatorship, and restoring democracy and freedom to the galaxy. It’s about trying to end this war.” The tears silently trickled from her angered eyes. “Don’t you think it’s wrong? What the First Order has done. All the death and dying and pain, don’t you want it to stop!”  
He stalked up to her, arms shaking at his sides, and brought his faces inches from hers. “You said it yourself. I am a monster. There is no changing that. I am what you have, I am all you have.” He forcefully brought his lips to hers. He was fighting it. He was fighting, the truth in her words and the truth in Lukes.

She pull away, untangling herself forcefully from his lips, his arms, and turned to leave.

“Stop.” He called, unable to even bear to see her walk away from him in anger.

“Ben I don’t think you can have it both ways.” Rey shut her eyes, tears spilling out past her closed lids. “I don’t think either of us can. We are at an impasse. If what you’re telling me is true, that you could never be turned, I don’t see any way we can have each other and both stand by who we are, or who we think we are…” 

His brows furrowed “You hate something you do not understand. You can’t fathom what the dark can do. If together we harness its power as it was truly meant to be, then we can restore order. It doesn’t have to be tyranny.” He grabbed Rey by the arm, imploring her to see his reasoning. Rey shook her head. “You will turn.” He growled, fingers pressing harder into the bandages on her arm.

Rey pulled away from him forcefully and walked off. Ren threw his arm out, to stop her with the force, but she was quicker. She threw him back without even turning or missing a step. As he fell back against the damp soil of the swamp floor, he watched as she disappeared into the mist.

***

She’d lost track of how long she’d been wondering around the swamp in anger, feet now soaked from many mistaken steps into pools of water.  
She’d calmed down as soon as she’d walked away from him, the trees, the leaves, the creatures around her had calmed her, turning her frustration and pain into calm contemplation as she walked on without direction.

“I can do it. I can.” She whispered to herself.

Abruptly her foot caught on the root of a tree and she went flying forward, catching herself with the force inches from the stagnant water she was about to fall into. Still hovering above the water she looked up to see a small island surrounded by marshy water heavy with fog. On the island lay a small run down hut. Rey sent herself flying back, upright. 

Carefully stepping over the root she hopped across the mote of water and went in for a closer look at the little dwelling.

The home sat half covered beneath the roots of a large tree that tangled itself around the round hut. There was no mistaking it for what it was, what with its small door and chimney, little windows too. 

Rey bent down to peer through one of the windows, when suddenly a jolt of electricity ran through her body and she fell limp and unconscious to the ground. She’d been hit by a stunner.

***

She couldn’t feel her body, or open her eyelids yet, but slowly the fuzzy noise filtering into her ears became clearer.

“Do you think she’ll be alright? I mean, guys I don’t think this was a good idea. Look at her, she is out cold”

“Hey look Finn, she’ll be fine. We had to stun her, she’s clearly been brainwashed by that angry man child.”

The cry of a Wookie rang out in agreement.


	8. Chapter Eight: Hands That Would Kill Him

Fire. She felt it scorching her arms. Her legs. Her heart. She felt leaves shrivel up and melt away. She felt the terror of small critters as they fled. She felt the smoke choking the life out of the peaceful, swampy, planet.

A yell, a loud guttural yell full of anguish. It reverberated through her head, shaking her from the inside out. A sting of pain rising in her chest. The sound, like claws slashing her heart.

And then she saw him.

Slithering flames of orange and red surrounded his large frame as he yelled, turning one way and then the next in a state of chaos, anger, and confusion, shooting the flames highers and further with every outward thrust of his hands.

The agonizing yell tormenting her mind was coming from him. His face was a primal red, scar pink and puckered, hair soaked with sweat dripping down his face, mingling with the angry tears that spilled out of his tortured, blood shot, eyes.

She felt it.

She felt everything. The rejection, fear, anger, loathing, frustration, hate.

The hate.

He’d searched for her. He hadn’t known what to say, how to make the chasm between them lessen, but he had searched for her, but the moment he had felt her mental signature leave, seen the the Falcon, a symbol of past rejection for him, leave, he’d erupted from within.

He scorched the earth as his anger fed the dark within him. She felt it. She felt it all as a fire torching her too. She knew he saw her face, another person he had loved abandon her, in every destructive flame. In every destroyed piece of forest. In every charred piece of life.

He was burning it down. All down.

“Rey!”

She threw her eyes open and tried clutching at her chest, but her body couldn’t move.

A familiar face hovered over her, eyes full of deep concern.

“Finn! Why, why can’t I move?” She looked around in panic, feeling the moisture on her eyelashes. Her heart was racing a mile a minute from what she had seen, what she had felt, what she was feeling.

He gently wiped the tears from her eyes with the sleeve of his white tunic. “You’re on the Falcon. We had to stun you.” He cast his eyes down apologetically, “Sorry about that, but you should be able to move again soon.”

She was fighting back the turmoil bubbling inside of her as she processed what had happened.

“You kidnapped me?” Her brows furrowed, her toes and fingers tingling to life.

“We uh, we saved you.” He scratched the back of his head abashed. “Didn’t we?” He watched as pain streaked across her face before she struggled to sit up. He immediately slipped his hand behind her back, pulling her upright so she could sit up in the small bunk.

“No” She whispered, the word catching in her throat as her emotions threatened to escape. She closed her eyes, struggling to stay seated upright as she evened her breathing. She opened her eyes, turning slightly to face Finn, “We have to go back.”

“No can do” Poe stood in the doorway of the small crew lodging space Rey had been taken to rest off the stunner. He leaned against the one side of the doorway, his legs crossed. “We lost a life trying to save you and that ship, trying to get you back.” He uncrossed his arms and stood next to Finn, looming over Rey where she sat in a bottom bunk. “You tried. You failed. He’s lost. Now we need you back.” His voice was firm and full of a new found authority.

Rey shook her head, “No. No I wasn’t finished, I was so close. I, I just needed more time!” She was crying now, burying her face in her hands as it began hitting her more fully. He thought she’d abandoned him. He thought she’d left him. She’d felt it. His mind was made up. There was no question of his loyalties. There was no hope for him to join her in light. Now. Now he was truly lost to her.

“Look, the orders came from General Organa. She’d felt a disturbance. She feared for your life. We tracked the escape pod and are bringing you back to our base on Tatooine.” Poe looked to Finn for some sort of explanation, but he simply shrugged, just as confused by Reys reaction. Poe crouched down next to the bunk, placing a sympathetic had on Rey’s shoulder. “Listen, Hux is hunting Kylo Ren to secure his own power, we couldn’t let you be a casualty.” He got up slowly and left.

Finn took his place, crouching down next to Rey as she sobbed into her arms. He looked her over, she was littered with wounds and bruises. He’d never seen her like this. So vulnerable. She’d always been so strong, so sure. “Rey” His calm voice washed over her. “I don’t understand.”

Her sobs finally ceased and she began wiping at her eyes vehemently. She stared down at her battle scarred hands. Hands that had fought with him. Hands that had held him. Hands that had loved him. Hands that would kill him. “He’s lost.” All emotion had faded from her voice. “If we’re going to do this,” she said, now with firm resolution, “finish this tyranny once and for all, it has to be Hux and it has to be him. It’s the only way.”

***

He stared down at the eleven figures below him through the slits of his hardened, blood shot, eyes. Dressed in all black, an ebony cape attached at their shoulders, a helmet to mask individuality, each’s armor was equipped for the betterment of a certain skill; close quarter combat, long range sniping, technical sabotage, the list went on. They bowed before him, down on one knee, head lowered. Obedient.

The knights of Ren.

Sitting amongst the smoke, the floating embers, the charred remains, he’d called to them. The only loyal subjects he had left. After Snok’s death Ren had sent them away, suspecting his hold on the First Order would be weak. They’d hidden out, training and waiting, waiting for the call of their master. And when he called, they came. He’d stretched his mind out to their ship in the Outer Rim, calling them to him.

Former pupils of Luke, they’d been spared Rens wrath. He’d felt it in them, the obedience, the hate, the closeness they had to all that was dark in the force. With the Jedi temple in ruins, they’d bent the knee first to him, and then to Snok. To ensure obedience, they had had their identities stripped from them, their vocal chords severed, and they’d endured days upon end of forced physically demanding training. Now they were Rens own personal lethal army, equaling the force of a hundred stormtroopers.

He sat upon an elevated throne, hands clutching at the sides, staring down at his army. He slowly stood, releasing the cape from around his shoulders so it fell behind him into a pool of black on the seat. He locked it arms behind his back, clutching his forearms. The rest of his body stiff with tension. His voice reverberated and echoed off the chamber of the ship. “We. We were tools. We were tools of an empire. An empire that is now nothing but the skeletal remains of something that once was. We were the tools of a master who cared not. A master who wanted nothing more than power. A master without a vision.” He paced back and forth in front of the throne, looking down at the Knights. “I will admit, I too had no vision. I was clouded by power, by the simple need to rule our galaxy. But there can be more. This empire can be more than an army fighting against those that oppose it.”

He paused with recollection, recalling how his plan was made manifest among the embers of Dagobah, while the scorched earth still burnt beneath his feat, and the air choked what little breath he could muster in between screams of angry anguish. Recalling how the final straw had broken any resignation he had against the dark, had stopped his teetering mind and shoved him into the abysse of hatred.

When he closed his eyes, all he could see were hers.

He continued with renewed vigour, galvanized by his hate for those eyes. “The Jedi once held power. They stopped any attempt by the Sith take hold of power. We, we will return the Sith from the depths of this galaxies memories. We will restore the Sith to power. We will take control of the First Order. We will destroy all who stand in our way. We will hunt out and find all those powerful with the force. They will be ours. We will destroy any and all planet that oppose us. And we will turn this empire into a Sith empire!.”

The knights roared with agreement, beating their chest plates in rhythm.

Ren smirked down at them, reveling in their chant, reveling in all that would become. He had yet to have a true vision of the future. He was waiting. His mind was now made up, there was no conflict left around the red edges of his thoughts. The future should be clear.

He dismissed the knights of Ren with a flick of his wrist. They all stood in unison and left the chamber single file, each off to their own stations of work. They were in the midsts of intercepting communications from both the First Order and The Resistance.

Calmly Ren meandered around the chamber, running a contemplative hand through the locks of his dark hair. He had no vision, but he had a hope. Three armies would meet on one battlefield. The dark rising, and the light to meet it.

And the light?

Cut down.

He left the chamber, and headed towards the door of the ship, pressing the release button for the latch, waiting patiently for the ramp to lower. He walked down, staying beneath the cover of the ship, sheltering himself from the downpour of rain. Strong winds blew, whipping his clothes and hair in a frenzie, sending the ocean waves crashing up against the cliffs edge next to the ship. Residents of the island had fled his arrival, even the porgs remained out of sight, sensing the evil, and so it was only him and the elements, battering the small island as if to fight off his presence.

He wasn’t sure what led him to choose this place, this planet to rest, recuperate, and strategize on. Perhaps some masochistic desire to be close to those he had destroyed, those he would.

He took a few steps forward, closing his eyes as the icy rain, like shards of glass, struck him. He held out a hand, watching the water pool in his palm. He tilted his palm and the water trickled down to the ground, before he took another step out from under the ships shelter, rain soaking him instantly.

Folding his arms again behind his back, he let the wind pull him along the worn in paths of the small island, until he stood, clothes and hair dripping, in front of a grouping of hive-like stone structures. Torrents of rain coming down around him in a deluge.

Without a rage even needing to bubble up, without a war cry, without any pain or adrenaline to spur on his powers, to fuel the force within him, he calmly extended his hand and suddenly the stones of one structure flew outwards in an explosion of rock. Hovering like the scattered pieces of a disjointed puzzle, before he moved on to the next, the stones from the previous falling to the ground, shaking the earth beneath him.

The corners of his mouth twitched upward at the delight of destruction, at the ruin of any remnant that once belonged to an order he planned to wipe out. He would erase their memory.

He turned to the last standing structure.

But he stopped.

It felt different, he felt an energy, a memory, compelling him inside.

The half rotted wooden door flew out with the blink of his eye, splintering to pieces as he brought it crashing against the rubble of the now destroyed structures. 

Lifting his foot her took a step in and was instantly struct with a barrage images. This place, the force living in between the stones, in the earth below his feet, was speaking to him. He knew why.

He looked around with contempt.

There was nothing of her left in the small stone structure, but it was as if he could almost smell her; smell the faint smell of ithorian roses. He took a seat on a small log positioned in front of an empty fire pit in the middle of the single room. Reb grimaced with angry contentment.

He wanted it. It was why he came here wasn’t it? The sting of memories, memories to fuel him, memories to spurn him.

He closed his eyes, rain trickling down the ends of his hair, streaming down his face.

She looked back at him with pleading, cheeks glistening from rain and sweat, firelight dancing across her pale skin. Slowly, hesitantly, she lifted her hand from beneath the folds of a blanket, fingers twitching with reservation until she extended them too, reaching out for.

“Ben” Came a faint whisper.

He could feel her along the edges of his mind as she’d been called to him by the memories he now dug up, begging to be given admittance, begging to speak to him.

He couldn’t.

He couldn’t let that happen.

His mind had already been made.

She was dead to him.

Her life would be his to take away.

He opened his eyes to find the structure in ruins around him, stones piled on top of the other in jagged piles, wind and rain once again assaulting him as he sat amidst the ruins of the past.


	9. Chapter Nine: She Had Seen It Before

She adjusted the goggles on her eyes as sand whipped by like a sharp caress. It was a familiar sensation, having felt the small stings of a sandstorm many times on Jakku. She tightened the cloth mask protecting her nose and mouth, smirking all the while. “Well come on! You aren’t going to let a little sand stop you!” She yelled over the roar of the sandstorm.

Finn turned around, seeing nothing but a darkness as the sandstorm blocked the sun. He could hear the faint calls of comrades seeking shelter. He grumbled under his breath. “This was a terrible idea before, and it’s even worse now!” He yelled at Rey clutching her lightsaber in his hands.

“Finn! It’s perfect now. I literally can’t see what’s coming. Trust me!” She laughed, closing her eyes and waiting for him to start.

“I’m going to slice off a finger!” Finn grumbled, flicking the lightsaber to life under his sweaty palms. He could hear her just in front of him, and see her outline very faintly against the darkened day.

“I’d like to see you try!” She waited, feeling out with her mind, touching her surrounding with the force. Suddenly she felt it, the lightsaber coming at her with full force, aimed at her left thigh. Before it could make contact she froze it in place. “Ha!” She called over at Finn, grinning ear to ear. She let go of the lightsaber, and felt as he retracted it. He was trying to trick her, he sent it flying from the left, then changed course and headed for her right shoulder. Again she stopped it before it could make contact, though this time she felt the faint heat of the lightsaber burning her tunic.

“How the heck are you doing that!” Finn laughed, relieved he hadn’t hurt her yet.

“Well come on! Don’t give up that easy!” Rey chuckled.

Finn began a full on attack, hacking wildly into the air before him, not truly seeing her. Every time the lightsaber came close enough to burn her clothing it stopped, and he would retract it back only to attack again.

All her concentration was being channeled into the force, into testing the limits of her capabilities. She wasn’t aware just how guarded she had been until a deep voice dulled the sound of the storm as it reverberated across her temples.

“Funny how fate would have it. The Jedi will die where their decline started.”

A shock ran through her whole body, and for a split moment she was paralyzed. 

The lightsaber came whirling towards her face.  
She couldn’t gather the concentration again to stop it so she threw herself back, falling against the hard sand on her side.

“Ben! Stop! Please listen! I can explained! I don’t want to have to…” Her thoughts projected out across the stars but she felt it before she could finish, he’d closed himself off the moment her mind sought his, the moment he felt the green glow of her mental signature register his words. Before she felt his presence leave altogether she caught a glimpse. Blood.

She’d seen it before.

“Rey! Are you alright? I think I’ve lost you.” Finn called, breaking her thoughts.

“Right here!” She yelled jumping to her feet and finding him. She gently grabbed hold of his arm, chuckling at the small jolt it gave him. “Come on, I give up, let’s go inside.” She led him through the storm back to the base, smiling to herself as he kept tripping in the sand.

She felt out with her hands, feeling the crumbled walls of the outer base that had been destroyed during the Battle of Yavin. There was a small hole acting as a discreet entrance located between two fallen pillars. She slipped in, pulling Finn along.

Rey paused just far enough in that they were out of reach of the torrent of sand that was blowing into the entrance. She pulled off the goggles and mask, unable to take the butterflies in the pit of her stomach fighting to get out. Finn followed her lead and took his gear off too, and his brown leather jacket, shaking it off of all the sand that had collected inside. He muttered something about hating sand under his breath.

“Finn, I have a confession.”

The two sat in a small plateau of the dug out cave under the rubble of the old base that led down to the tunnels of the current base. There wasn’t enough room to stand, only crawl, at this entrance.

“I’ve got a confession too” He gulped, avoiding eye contact. A sweat broke out on his brow. “But you go first.”

Rey looked down at her hands as she sat cross legged in the small alcove. “I’ve made contact with Kylo Ren again. Or I guess I should say, he’s made contact with me.” She clenched her fists and shut her eyes.

“What? Like now? What did he say?” Finn shuffled closer, throwing his jacket back on. Although the heat was just barely bearable out above, down below within the ground, it was much cooler.

“No, it started three days ago. He was showing me flashes of carnage, of blood and battle, of mangled parts and explosions. Then he spoke, today. I was worried. I was trying to stay concentrated, but Finn,” She placed an arm on his shoulder, hanging her head, “I think I let him find us again.” She was ashamed of her weakness, of the link, of the jeopardy she was putting them all in by simply being there.

The walls of the tunnel shook, sending small bits of dirt raining down on them.

“Hey now!” Finn yelled, holding her face between his hands. “Calm down. It’ll be fine. We’ll tell General Organa and go from there alright?”

Rey nodded her head, not truly believing what he had said. He hadn’t seen. What he had shown her had haunted her dreams, replacing his face.

Finn led the way through the winding tunnel they had to crawl through on hands and knees. Finally they popped out into the hidden landing bay. Above them were the bays doors, masked by sand. Inside was a flurry of activity as pilots tended to their ships. In a corner a circle of combatants practiced melee weapons with each other. Small groups sat with each other eating, others polishing their blasters. The whole landing bay was packed with bodies as the last of their known allies had arrived that morning. They were four hundred strong, with allies hailing from all corners of the galaxy, able to easily slip by the iron fist of the First Order since it became distracted by its own internal issues following the death of Snok.

Rey followed Finn as he dodged and grinned, and smiled and waved. She was dragging her feet all the while, feeling as if she was a smile child about to be reprimanded, and feeling still the in the pit of her stomach that something was wrong.

Suddenly a small group of familiar faces rushed up to her.

“Are we training today Rey?” Asked one of the humans, a young stowaway from Naboo. He was clutching one of the sacred texts she’d managed to steal from Ahch-To.

“Maybe later” She half smiled, before pretending to be very serious, wagging her finger at them, “don’t forget to read the last half of that volume! And if you do, I’ll let you all take turns with my lightsaber again, we can work on making new ones after that”

They all laughed, nodding and running off to train amongst themselves.

As soon as she had arrived to join the others on Tatooine, Leia had tasked her with training a small group of force sensitive individuals found amongst their allies. Rey had come to find that teaching came naturally to her, and that sharing the power and skills of the force was not only a calling to her, but that it was, somehow, strengthening her powers, bringing her more in tune than ever before. Everyone was on edge for the impending battle that had no date, so was Rey, training hours on end with her group of apprentices, trying with everything she had to prepare them. To not fail them.

She sighed watching them run off before running to catch up with Finn.

“Hey what was the confession you had?” She said as she joined his side keeping up with his brisk pace.

Suddenly he stopped in his tracks, looking around so no one was within ear shot, then he leaned in to Reys left ear. “I think I’m in love with Rose.” He whispered, his cheeks turning crimson with blush.

Rey flashed a toothy grin, throwing an arm around his shoulder and pulling him along. “And you’re only now figuring this out?” She laughed.

Finn scratched the back of his head, “Well yeah, I guess so” He laughed, relief in his voice. “Can you help me figure out how to tell her later?

Rey smirked, “Of course”

The two found General Organa in a small room, clutching her cane and looking over a hologram of what looked to be battle plans. She turned the projecting device off as soon as they entered, a strained smile on her aged lips. She wasn’t the young princess anymore, and the stress of being one of the sole leaders of the resistance was weighing on her. Yet her hope never faded. Everything she had done her whole life was built on hope.

“What can I do for you two?” She pulled out a chair and slowly took a seat, beckoning for Rey and Finn to take the chairs opposite her.

The two sat down, worry spreading like the horizon over Rey’s features. She didn't know how to start.

Finn gave her a nudge with his elbow.

She sighed. “Kylo Ren made contact with me a few days ago. Ever since he’s been showing me images of destruction on some battlefield. Today he spoke.” She paused, remember what she had seen, remembering his voice. Suddenly a nagging feeling started gnawing at the back of her mind. She dismissed it and continued. “He said something about the Jedi dying at the place their decline started. He wouldn’t hear me out any of the times. I, I’m not sure what to make of it all, but I sense he knows I’m on Tatooine.”

“Hmm” Organa pondered Rey’s word for a moment. “I had a feeling he would join. I thought perhaps it would be too ambitious.” She looked off, eyes sparkling around the edges as she held back tears, her face slightly contoured with pain.

“Join what?” Finn asked confused, leaning in across the table.

General Organa looked out at the rooms entrance, making sure no curious ears were present before turning back to Finn and Rey. “The First Order is coming here, we aren’t sure when, but we intercepted intelligence that leads us to believe they know we are on Tatooine. They are preparing for battle, and so have we, but we aren’t sure of the exact day. We are prepared though, and are waiting for them to arrive. We will stand our ground here on Tatooine.” Organa let out a deep, heavy sigh, “And now it would seem Ben is coming too. Whether to reclaim his army, stop us, or both, I am not sure.”

Rey raised her hand to her mouth in shock. Although she wasn’t surprised he would do such a thing, what she hadn’t expected was how soon. How soon she would have to face him. And it would, have to be her, the task could be allotted to no other.

“Rey,” the words pulled her out of her thoughts, “Tell me, was there anything specific in these images he showed you?” Organa asked.

“There were bodies and blood everywhere. I didn't see any fighting, just the dead, their blood mixing with rain as it pelted down in torrents.” It came back, that nagging feeling, a feeling telling her there was something else to know. 

General Organa’s head perked up. “Rain?”

Rey nodded, confused.

“It rains on Tatooine once about every hundred years. Rey tell me more, what did the ground look like? Was it sandy or muddy?” Her eyes were alight with interest.

Rey pursed her lips trying to remember. “Muddy, definitely muddy. Why?”

Organa leaned back in her chair, “That’s it, that’s how we’ll know. The rain.” She smiled to herself before turning back to the two. “The tunnels of this base lead down into a canyon. We planned on making that our battleground. The canyon is large enough for combat, but not big enough to allow them to use Walkers. The canyon floor is mud, not sand, because a small river flows through once a year, that, that right there is how we know what you saw is Tatooine. And the rain, the rain is when we’ll know they are coming.”

Finn cracked a smile, he slapped Rey on the back, “Woooohooo! We’ll be ready for them as soon as we see some clouds!” He rubbed his hands together with glee, practically bouncing in his seat.

General Organa reached across the table, taking hold of Rey’s hand, “Thank you. Truly. This will help us prepare. We can now pinpoint more easily when they’ll arrive.”

When I’ll have to kill him, Rey thought, giving the general a half smile before retracting her hand and hastily retreating the room.

Suddenly she paused in the shadows of the corridor.

She’d seen it before.

That’s what was scratching to be realized, she’d seen almost the same images before. On Takodana, in the basement of Maz’s cantina, long ago, when she’d touched Luke’s lightsaber, she had a vision. 

The vision, as if fresh, returned to her.

She lay on her knees in the mudd, a deluge pouring down all around her, an enemy raised their weapon to strike her down, when suddenly a red lightsaber appeared through their stomach, slicing upward through them as they yelled in agony. The body dropped to the ground with a thud and she jumped to her feet in shock and confusion. Bodies lay strewn around her and before her was Kylo Ren, his hulking frame covered in armour, the dark irises of his eyes hidden by a familiar mask, red lightsaber in hand, he was flanked by five soldiers. He rushed towards her, when suddenly the vision disappeared.

She braced her hands on her knees which threatened to buckle. 

There was never any hope of saving him was there. The force had shown her that.

It had been hopeless.

It was all for nothing.

Had she truly seen what was being shown to her she could have spared herself from all that had recently transpired. Her hate could have fuelled her, spurred her on to do what she would need to do in the coming days.

But how could she now strike down someone she, despite everything, still loved.

***

They had finally been coming to him, visions of battle. He couldn’t yet discern who would come out victorious. Even the faces of the fallen were a blur to him, yet he saw that losses would be great on all sides, except his own small army. He had seen blood gushing from a wound on General Hux’s neck. His hopes were high.

But lying on his back on the large stone slab situated on the outcropping of the Jedi temple, hair blowing in the breeze of the clear night sky, a final vision had come to him.

Rain pelted the soft features of her face, streaking down her cheek, mixing with blood from a superficial cut on her temple. Her eyes looked into his soul with pleading, as she shook her head weakly, mouthing his name with the last of her strength. Her body was shutting down. He could see it, almost as if time had slowed, eyes losing their glimmer, skin turning colorless, chest rising and falling with her last breath.

His own breath caught in his throat as he recalled the vision.

The night was silent except for the deep inhales of his strained breath and the crashing of waves against the cliffs edges below. His cloak blew beneath him in the breeze.

He reached up slowly, fingertips tracing a line down the scar on his cheek.

She had been right.

Firelight dancing in silhouettes across her face, she had spoken the truth. He would destroy all those who had loved him.

His father.

Luke.

And her.


	10. Chapter Ten: Darkness Rises and the Light to Meet It

Rey sat atop a large sand dune, pulling apart small bits of bread and tossing them into her mouth absentmindedly as she stared up at the approaching hoard of dark clouds, a sight she had never seen juxtaposed against the light sands of Jakku.

Down below pilots were testing out the odd navy the Resistance had amassed on Tatooine. Many allies did not have the means to join them with the most armored and up to date ships, and so the whole grouping was a mixture of vessels, many old and on their last days. Poe had been put in charge of organizing the fleet, which was proving to be quite difficult.

"Look we need to have someone take up the vanguard of the attack!" He threw his hands up in the air, his voice carrying up to Rey from her high perch.

A Wookie began yelling at him, flailig its own harry arms in response and taking an angry step towards him.

Rey chuckled as she watched Chewie run over to stop the fight that was about to break out, having a few choice words for both of them.

Further in the distance, closer to the ruins of the old base, she could see her small grouping of apprentices, practicing with each other using the weapons Rose had designed. Unfortunately they did not have the means nor materials to construct lightsabers from scratch, but she had designed for them, using scavenged materials, sword like weapons and light armor that they now vigorously tested against each other, honing their abilities to intertwine their force sensitivity with close combat fighting.

Their powers were still weak, but their connectedness was strong, the impending battle and fight for freedom was likely acting as a catalyst, driving them to become more in touch with their abilities.

Over the past two days since she'd spoken with Leia a sense of calm had come over her. A sense of acceptance of her fate and those around her. Everyone had been pushing themselves to prepare, and so had she along with them, but now things had slowed. Resistance fighters were now attempting to enjoy the few days they had left before battle, days that could possibly be their last, and that was what Rey was doing now. Sitting in the sand as she had done all her life, feeling it's warmth beneath her like the heat of a companion, she enjoyed the sight of community, of the family she had suddenly accumulated all thanks to a lost droid.

She stood up, mind in thought, and slowly slid down the sand dune, feeling the air cooling on her bare arms. she walked off past the training fleet and joined her pupils, watching their techniques and giving them some feedback, mostly regarding the use of their minds over their physical force. She was proud of their progress, knowing that she was yet the teacher they deserved but hoped to be in the future, if they survived the coming battle.

She left them to continue on and meandered past the base in search of the canyon.

It was quite wide, but not immensely deep, almost as deep as a walker was tall and expanding out in the shape of a long rectangle which narrowed at the ends, ideal places of retreat. Resistance members were currently in the process of finishing off small nooks along the sides of the canyons from which they could hide and shoot long range weapons from.

She looked down, her foot resting on the ledge, sprinkles of sand falling over into the open air of the canyon.

Trenches were also in the process of completion, ones similar to those on Crait, with tunnels leading back to the underground base.

She slowly lowered herself to her knees, and reached over the edge, placing her palms against the canyon wall, and closing her eyes.

Was it fate, she thought. Was there some design beyond her that had brought her here to this place, that had led her to meet the individuals she had met. Was the force more than an element at the heart of everything, was it a creator too, did it influence, did the light and dark ebb and flow, like the ocean against a shore, of its own accord?

***

Her eyes sprang open as she heard the alarm calls going off inside the base.

They’d arrived.

She could hear yelling all around as others were awoken from their slumber. Roll calls were being called out in various languages as contingents gathered their own together. Orders were being screamed. It was a flurry of chaotic preparation.

She threw herself out of the small cott in a panic and began pulling out the tan leather armour that had been made for her, tying it on in a rush on her arms and shins, a simple wool tunic of light gray and white underneath.

She hooked her lightsaber on her belt and ran out of the small room in search of her companions. 

The landing bay was full of frantic activity as well. The large roof doors had been opened revealing the dark tatooine sky above which threatened rain at any moment. It was the dead of night, and yet there was an eerie illuminating glow to the sky.

Ships were taking off already, flying out to lure the First Order to take up position in the canyon. Tired eyes were wide with anxiety and determination. Friends held each other for their last goodbyes. Helmets were being pulled on, communication devices checked. Tears streamed, jaws hardened, eyes alight, the emotions in the air were palpable.

She found them by the Falcon.

Poe was prepping Chewie and BB-8 over strategic maneuvers. Finn and Rose were locked in an embrace.

Chewie spotted her first, pushing Poe out of the way he picked her up in an embrace. She laughed, holding him back as her feet flailed above the ground.

“I’ll be fine I’ll be fine!” She chuckled as he called out. He put her down, laying a hand on her shoulder. With his head hanging he let out a soft call. “I think he would be proud too.” She replied back, an ache in her heart.

Poe threw an arm out to shake her hand. “I’ll trust you’ll do what needs to be done?”

She gave him a firm shake, nodding her head. “Only if you’ll take care of my ship.” 

They laughed, pulling each other in for a brief hug.

Rose lay her hand in silent comfort on Rey’s arm before leaving in a hurry to the control room where her expertise was needed. She would be manning controls under General Organa along with a small crew meant to oversee operations and commands at the base.

Finn stood, watching her go with a tear in his eye, before he turned to Rey with a half smile. “Are you ready to do this thing?”

She let out a deep sigh, giving a curt nod, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for this, for any of it, but if it means putting an end to this tyranny than I’ll make sure I’m ready.”

The turned to wave at Chewie, Poe and BB-8 as they boarded the Falcon.

Rey and Finn stood shoulder to shoulder and watched as the ship came to life, ascending upwards into the darkness.

Face turned up, following its ascent, she felt a raindrop hit her nose, her eye, her forehead.

The rain had started.

***

She could barely see through the rain, streaked with mudd, and combined with sweat which streaked down her face, stinging her eyes. She dodged a blow, slipping in the mud and falling to her knees. Using the sudden move she sent her lightsaber swinging, cutting out the legs from the attacking storm trooper. Their screams of agony joined the chorus of others on the muddied battlefield.

Rain poured down in a deluge, muddying the canyon floor, making it hard to move and see, an advantage for Resistance fighters who had equipped themselves with lighter more flexible armour. The dull glow of the night was interspersed with flashes up above from shooting and exploding ships as the two navies whirled in a dance to the death.

Below ground forces were neck and neck, with Resistance fighters holding their own, and striking down one stormtrooper after another, and yet, they just kept coming. They were outnumbered three to one, meaning they could not advance on the First Orders army of stormtroopers, for once one was killed, another would come forward to take their place. They’d expected this to some degree, and that’s why they’d taken their stand in the canyon, where their limited numbers could stand firm and keep back the attacking army without being surrounded. But ground fighters were growing weak and the battlefield was growing increasingly difficult to navigate through the mud, rain, and bodies.

Rey had lost track of time as she struck down one stormtrooper after another, always keeping an eye on Finn to her left as they tried to advance to no avail.

When they’d joined the battlefield shooters were already in the midst of a barrage upon the neat rows of stormtrooper after stormtrooper as they were lowered down from First Order ships on the other end of the canyon. Those ships were the number one target for resistance ships for not only did they carry troops, they carried commanding officers, including General Hux. But as more and more troops descended, flooding the canyon along with the rain, ground troops amongst the resistance fighters were ordered to march forward, shooters and shield wielding fighters in the front, and close quarter combatants in the back.

Now all manor of troops were littered across the battlefield as careful strategic planning crumbled beneath the rain and sher numbers of opponents.

Four bodies of white armor ran at her, catching the glow of her green lightsaber in the darkness. She’d become a target.

She threw out her left hand, yelling with a adrenaline, and sent them flying back. They tumbled backwards and she flew at one, jumping up and bringing her lightsaber down into their neck, whirling down onto one knee to dodge the blow of another, swinging and bring the lightsaber into their back as they tried to turn. Jumping to her feet and grabbing the hilt with both hands she stood firm to meet the blow of the third trooper, kicking them in the stomach before swinging and grazing off the top of their helmet and head. The four, having lost their weapon on the mudd pulled out a blaster. She closed her eyes, feeling out in the air as the trigger was pulled again and again. Swinging her lightsaber she blocked one blast after another, taking a step forward each time until she brought her lightsaber down, clipping off their hand.

The force of the movement sent her slipping again and she fell onto her back in the mud. The rain choking her she turned her head to the side. Next to her lay the lifeless body of one of her young apprentices, the young stowaway from Naboo. She rolled onto her stomach, tears streaming down her face, and crawled towards his body. A sob escaped her lips as she cradled his head gently between her hands. She pulled back, fixing his hair before softly closing his open lids.

Abruptly another explosion brightened the night above as a First Order bomber was shot down directly above the canyon. Flames flew out in all directions as another explosion ripped through the bomber as it began to descent to the ground in a fireball. Rey jumped to her feet, striking a stormtrooper out of her way, she ran through the mud towards Finn. He was surrounded by two troopers with batons. Running full speed she flew past the troopers and lunged at Finn so that they both fell into one of the trenches just as the flaming carcass of the bomber landed like an earthquake on the canyon floor, right where Finn had been. She landed on top of him, shielding his body as flaming pieces of the bomber came crashing into the trench, a scorching piece of metal flying by and nicking her shoulder before flying in the the dirt wall of the trench 

Rey let out a scream of agony, clutching at her arm.

Coming out of shock Finn wriggled out from under Rey who still shielded him, and gently lay her down on the trench floor as she fought back more screams of pain. He inspected the wound, “Rey the wounds been cauterized, you’re lucky.” The metal debris had been so hot, it had closed the wound as soon as it had made it, searing the skin and blood vessels shut as it shot by.

Rey nodded her head, trying to collect herself, trying to overcome the excruciating pain coming from her right shoulder.

“Wait what the hell were you doing?” Finn suddenly yelled, his words barely audible over the   
deafening sound of metal on metal, blasters, screams, machinery, and now the cracking of fire, coming from the battlefield above.

“Saving your life?” Rey shifted her body, sitting up so she was resting on her knees. “It was coming right for you, I, I had to.” She shrugged.

Finn wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his arm, making a face at her. “I can take care of myself,” he grumbled before the corners of his mouth lifted, “thank you.” He stood, keeping his head tucked into the level of the trench, and reached out a hand to help her up.

Rey smirked and extended her arm, taking his and standing up.

Suddenly the wind was knocked out of her

She felt nothing, her body going numb, she saw nothing, her eyes glazing over with darkness. A moment passed in emptiness before a set of familiar dark irises appeared, a puckered scar slicing down one side, glared out at her. She could feel the searing warmth of his mind suffocating hers in a red glow. She felt his breath raising hairs against her neck as he whispered with venom, “Let’s do what we must.”

“Rey!”

She threw her eyes open.

Finn was holding her up, gripping firmly onto her arms, staring frantically into her eyes as he struggled to keep her on her feet. “Rey, are you alright, what happened, what did you see?”

“He’s here,” she whispered. “He, he’s not coming to the battlefield, he’s at the base.” she spoke in a daze, staring out but not seeing, eyes open but glazed, and then the pieces fit together. “He’s at the base!” She yelled at Finn, grabbing the collar of his jacket. “Leia! Rose!”

Before she could say another word Finn had let go of her, crouching low he ran towards one of the tunnels in the trench that led back to the base. Rey followed, stealing a glance behind her to make sure they weren’t being followed before throwing herself down on hands and knees and catching up behind him in the tunnel.

It wasn’t a long crawl before the tunnel opened up into a larger tunnel that joined the maze of intertwining, twisting channels that made up the underground base.

Finn stood unsure, looking left to right, chest rising and falling with frantic breath.

“Left!” Rey called as she got to her feet, instantly taking off behind Finn as he sprinted for the control room.

It was almost completely empty save for lieutenant Connix frantically shouting orders into a headset as her fingers glided over a control panel.

“What’s going on? Where is everyone?” Finn looked around with confusion and worry, Rey at his back, panting from their sprint and aching from her shoulder.

“It’s not looking good.” She shook her head, bracing her arms out againsts the control panel. “Kylo Ren arrived with a small contingent of forces. He’s trying to regain control of the First Order, but, but if he does, if his forces join what’s left of the First Order, we have no hope of winning this…” Her voice trailed off in a defeated whisper.

Rey stepped forward, placing a comforting hand on her back. “Where are they?”

Connix looked up. “We lost transmissions to our ground troops. There was no other option but to send commanding officers and control technicians up to the old base to meet the two armies. I’ve lost communications with them too now.”

“Let’s go” Finn took a step towards the door, but Rey threw out her arm to block him.

“No. Go gather more ground troops and sneak them out through the trenches.” Her voice was firm with authority. They couldn’t help just the two of them, they needed more resistance fighters, plus she knew, she knew his better judgement would be clouded by his feelings for Rose, just as they had with her in the past. Finn stood firm, his mouth in a hard set line. “Trust me,” Rey pleaded, “I’ll make sure she’s alright.”

Finn let out a sigh, but gave her a curt nod before running out back the way they had come.

She stood for a moment, collecting herself. She was muddied and dripping wet from battle, cuts littered her arms, blood streaked down her forehead from a small cut, bruises riddled her body, she could feel a large one on her ribs from being kicked in the side. Her shoulder ached, and every move with her right arm sent ripples of pain through her body. She wiped the blood, mud, and rain from her face before checking she still had her lightsaber and sprinting out the door with determination.

She ran through the twisting corridors, choosing to come out from one of the hidden entrances of the underground base situated at the back of the ruins of the old. The rain was still pelting down without cease. The gray skies above were lighter, dawn would be breaking from behind the dark clouds soon.

The back of the base was empty of life. Up above ships flew, turning, dodging, twisting, as they evaded fire. There must have been hundreds of them filling the sky. Some whirled by alight with flames, others crash landed in the distance. Not far she could hear the torrent of noise coming from the canyon. 

She crept along the the large crumbling ruins of the base until she spotted them.

In the open space just in front of the base were the fallen remains of an Upsilon-class Command Shuttle, the very one she had spotted transporting troops and carrying commanding officials. It lay in complete ruin, one of its wings had been ripped off and lay several miles away on fire. Billowing columns of black smoke swirling up out of the wreckage. Small pieces of debris from the ship lay scattered everywhere. A large fire at the tail of the ship illuminated the scene before her.

There was a stand-off.

His ranking First Order officers in suits of black and gray, along with surviving crew members, crouched behind the intact wing of the shuttle, their blasters in hand.

Across from them, seeking refuge behind a fallen pillar from the old base was the small group of control technicians and Resistance officials.

In the space between stood General Hux, his arm wrapped around General Organa’s neck, the other holding a blaster to her temple.

“IF ONE SHOT IS FIRED I WILL PULL THE TRIGGER.” He screamed in his shrill voice across at the Resistance fighters.

Leia stood calm beneath his grasp. Her eyes flashed to Rey, spotting her peeking out from a corner.

She crouched lower, carefully trying to get closer. When she felt she was close enough without detection, without hesitation she threw out her hand. The blaster instantly flew out of Hux’s grip, flying across the space and into her awaiting palm. Hux’s face fell with concern, he was practically shaking with fear and anger, but as soon as he saw Rey step out into the void, pointing the blaster at him, his tension eased slightly.

He sneered at her as she stepped closer to him. He still held onto Leia, unwilling to let go the only insurance that he could get out of the situation alive. “Ha! I was wondering when you would arrive.”

“Let her go!” Rey yelled, her arm still steadily raised, pointing the blaster right at his head.

He pulled Leia in closer, using her as a shield. Rey could see the panic still in his eyes. He had run out of options without his blaster. She took a step closer. He took a step back, dragging the general with him.

Suddenly his mind was made up, rain pelting down, he thrust Leia at Rey and screamed, “Shoot! Shoot them!”

He jumped to the ground just as Rey caught Leia in her arms, dropping the blaster in the process.

Without time to think twice she thrust Leia behind her and threw out both of her hands, stopping their hit right before the first blasters shot could make contact with her chest. It hovered right before her and she sent it flying back at the First Order commanders as they began their assault on her. She was stopping one blaster after another in a manner of seconds.

Before the Resistance fighters could even move forward to advance and get them to safety a booming voice ripped through the night in the shadows beyond. “Attack! Both of them!” Came his deep voice, filtered through the baritone of his mask, making it inhuman.

She sent the stunned blaster rays out towards his deep voice in the darkness with the flick of her wrist.

Suddenly his red lightsaber appeared, meeting the blasters rays so that not a one touched him.

Before another move could even be made, before another hand could even be raised to shoot or stop a shot, the sound of a blaster went off and a scream of agony echoed out across the empty space.

Leia had tried to flee in the sudden flurry of activity, making a run for the pillar and other Resistance members, but what no one had seen was General Hux, using the sudden distraction to crawl and grab hold of the blaster that Rey had dropped. As soon as Organa had made a run for it, he’d shot her.

“NOOOO” Rey screamed, instantly running towards her crumpled body in the wet sand. She fell to her knees in front of the general. 

Around them battle had begun. Four fighters in black armour had stepped forth from the darkness beyond the glow of the alight shuttle and split off, two turning to attack the Resistance fighters, and two turning to attack the First Order officials. 

But all that was lost to Rey as she pulled Leia towards her, cradling her body, supporting her neck against her arm. Her body was almost limp, the blaster had hit right in her stomach and blood was seeping out onto the light gray of Leia’s dress. Leia raised her hand weakly and Rey grabbed it, clutching it tightly in her own.

Eyelids barely able to remain open she looked up at Rey, the rain streaming down her face. Rey could feel Leia’s body going limp in her arms. Slowly Leia opened her mouth to speak, “Darkness rises and the light to meet it.” She whispered with her last breath. Her eyes closed, mouth drooped, and then her head fell limp.


	11. Chapter Eleven: Balance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final Chapter

He did not even have time to blink before the shot was fired, striking his mother in the stomach.

His mouth opened in anguish but no sound came out, only Rey's frantic plea as she raced across the sand towards the crumpled figure.

He watched as Rey, bloodied and battered, collapsed to her knees in the wet sand, gradling Leia, her chest heaving with sobs.

Fire, at the pit of his stomach erased the calm mask he’d managed to produce over the coming days. He didn’t know if it was lingering scraps of love for his mother, for the last pieces of a family he himself had set out to destroy, or whether it was the anguish emanating from Rey. Dodging blasters he brought his foot down onto Hux’s back as he tried to crawl to safety amidst the ensuing chaos of Ren’s soldiers and Leia’s death.

Hux fell flat against the wet sand, the wind knocked out of him. Ren raised a foot and sent Hux flying across the sand. Before he had time to make another move the floor before him exploded and he was sent flying back, sand raining down on him. A ship had shot at the small grouping. He was stunned momentarily, a ringing in his ears, his body stiff. He’d been wearing his helmet and so he remained uninjured. He jumped to his feet, marching through the smoke, stopping blasters as he searched. 

The fighting had resumed around him. His knights were breaking down the opposing groups body by body. Leia's body had been dragged out of the open space behind the pillar where the other Resistance fighters were standing their ground.

Through the smoke he found Hux on his knees before Rey, begging for his life. Ren marched towards them, “DO IT!!!” he spat out.

Rey looked towards him, then back at Ren, her lightsaber illuminating half her face with an eerie green glow that pierced the darkness around them, the only other light coming from the still burning First Order Ship.

Through the sounds of blasters, of fighting from the nearby canyon, through the whirling of ships, and the screams of combat just behind him, her voice rang out. “BUT HE’S UNARMED.” There was confusion in her features.

Rens brows furrowed as he took a step closer. “He killed her, an innocent who’s back was turned. He’s killed thousands!” He wanted her to do it, he wanted her to feel what it was like to take revenge, to feel the power flow into her from such an act. He couldn’t trespass into her mind but he felt its weakness, she had been in the throes of battle and had seen and heard unimaginable things longs before he’d arrived to take control on Tatooine. Perhaps this weakness was what he needed, a final bid to turn her.

 

“You’ve killed thousands!” She spat before sending Hux flying with the flick of her wrist.

But before he could get far Ren caught him mid air, pulling Hux towards him and bringing his red lightsaber through the soft skin of his neck. The body dropped to the floor with a thud at Rens feet, a flash of orange, his head, rolled off.

He wiped the splatters of blood off his helmet and set his eyes on Rey. Across the space between them she stood ready for him, but her eyes were closed. He could feel her mind at the edges of his, seeking a weak point of entrance.

He took a couple of decisive steps towards her, closing the space between them, his body feeling the relief of her proximity, yet his mind in turmoil.

“I’m sorry it came to this.” Rey whispered, her voice catching in her throat at the end.

“Like hell you are,” he growled aloud. She had left him. She knew what that amounted to. It was fated, Ren said to himself before he advanced. He broke out into a sprint, jumping up and bringing the lightsaber down.

His lightsaber struck the wet sand in a sizzle. She’d gotten behind him and swung with both hands, he ducked. The lightsaber went whirling by, searing the top of his hemet. As he ducked he kicked out behind him, sending her feet out from under her. He span on his knees and caught her as she rose from the sand, sending a blow flying past her. It caught the edge of her shoulder. A scream of pain erupted from her lips and she threw her hand out, sending him back with the force. They both jumped to their feet. Blood from her shoulder began flowing with the rain, joining the streams from other wounds on her arms. She closed her eyes.

He ran towards her and swung at her thigh, his lightsaber froze. He roared with anger, pulling it back and lunging again, pushing her back in the process with his mind. She hadn’t expected his mental assault and had to throw up her lightsaber to meet his. He was stronger. He pushed back against her, her feet dug in the sand sliding back.

“It’s disgusting, that you still hold out hope.” He spat as he pushed against her harder, his face inches from their crossed lightsabers, drenched in glows of red and green. He saw the strain on her face, her teeth clenched in focus.

“Hope is all I’ve ever had.” Her voiced carried to him past the chaos around. She sent her knee full force into his ribs, using his falter to pull back and swing at his head.

He ducked again. “WHAT’S THE USE OF HOPE,” he slashed at her with a grunt. She blocked “IF FATE TAKES PRECEDENCE!” He lunged at her. She blocked. He was pushing her back, further and further away from the small fight he had come upon earlier. They were moving further from the light of the burning ship, further from backup, further into the darkness of the Tatooine night. “WHAT'S THE POINT OF HOPE IF IT HAS ALL BEEN FATED.”

“I don’t understand!” She yelled as she blocked him again. She was growing weaker, he felt it, her body was faltering from her wounds, from his strength.

Ren sighed, trying to control his emotions. “You will die. You chose the light and you will die!” He wiped the rain from his helmet and lunged again at her, yelling, “and it will be by my hand!”

Before his lightsaber could make contact with her chest it was stopped by a stun baton. Ren turned with rage to find Finn at the other end of the weapon.

Ren laughed as he pulled his saber back, “ah so we meet again. How’s your back?” He despised the sight of the former stormtrooper. He felt it, from within him before he had ever turned against the First Order, he had felt the good, the disobedience.

“Oh it’s just dandy. How’s your face?” Finn smirked as he pushed Rey behind him. She couldn’t speak, she was catching her breath, composing herself.

“Stay out of this deserter” Ren seethed. Before Finn or Rey could react Ren lifted Finn up his into the air and sent him flying into the night.

“FINN!” Rey screamed, she turned to run in the direction she saw him fall. Ren froze her with his mind.

“We’re not finished here.” He growled.

Rey quickly, turned her lightsaber off, tossed it up, and caught it upside down before switching it back on, sending the blade right into Rens thigh. She pulled it out and made a run for Finn.

Ren clutched at his searing thigh, roaring his eyes fixated on her retreating figure. He stood straight and began beating at his chest, pain, it made in stronger, it made the force stronger. The powers of the dark side flowed from pain, the pain of others and oneself. He pressed his thumb into the wound in his thigh, twisting, before he ran after Rey.

He found her crouched down next to Finn, checking his heartbeat.

His body had landed a few metres from the canyons edge, far from where they had been. Ren, chest rising and falling peaked down into the canyon, Resistance forces struggled to keep back both stormtroopers and his knights. Bodies littered the muddy floor as the rain continued its downpour ceaselessly.

Ren felt the life still in Finn, the relief emanating from Rey.

He knew Rey felt his presence behind her, he waited. She stood slowly, her back to him. She turned, eyes closed. She’d taken off the small bits of armour she had had on earlier, the full extent of her injuries now visible. Dark patches of bruises. Cats of flowing red. A large gash on her arm. A small wound on her temple, blood maring her features. “They’re down.” She whispered, extending her arms out slightly at her sides, her lightsaber off in her hand.

He knew what she meant instantly and did not hesitate. He extended his mind out towards her, feeling the familiar warmth of her comforting mental signature open to him. And then he saw it, he saw and felt it all. Her loneliness on Jakku. The love she felt for her mentors, her family. The hate she had for him as he killed Han. The feelings that grew as she felt the vulnerability from within him; seeing past his tormented facade she had known within was a scarred and scared young man, seething from a parents rejection and lost in forces beyond his full control. He saw himself through her eyes as they held each other. He saw what had really happened on Dagobah. He saw the turmoil in her now. She was the only one who could do it, and the only one who didn’t want to.

A tear rolled down his cheek, hidden by his helmet. He shook his head, slowly at first, then more forcefully, trying to get the images out of his mind. “YOU’RE WEAK!”

He leaped towards her and she blocked his blow. She was crying.

“LOVE. IT’S MADE YOU WEAK. LOVE IS THE TRUE POISON HERE!” He struck at her again. She blocked, but stumbled backwards. “YOU’RE A FOOL TO LISTEN TO YOUR HEART!” He thrust his saber again and again, and she blocked again and again, unwilling to swing. “FIGHT ME!” He screamed, sweat and tears stinging his eyes.

Rey shook her head and dropped to her knees, letting the lightsaber slip from her hand. “I can’t. I thought I could but I can’t do it.”

Rens fingers clutched tighter on the hilt of his lightsaber. He raised his foot to take a step closer to her but faltered.

Suddenly the sky above them lit up.

Rey stared up in horror before turning to Ren and thrusting out her hands. She sent him back into the darkness before the missile hit the spot where he had stood. He landed on his chest. Before he could react the earth beneath him shook. The smoke cleared only to reveal a large fault line, cracking off a piece of the canyons edge, the edge Rey knelt on.

“REY!” He yelled, but it was too late. With a deafening crack the edge of the canyon broke off and Rey disappeared.

Ren scrambled to his feet in panic and ran towards the now jagged edge. A large chunk of the canyon wall had crumbled to the floor. It sat in a jagged pile of boulders, dirt, and sand at the bottom.

Something struck the sand behind him, and another crack tore through the remains of the canyon wall. He felt the shaking beneath him as the earth began to crumble. He could feel it begin to slide, to take him down. He let it.

***

Ren’s eyes slowly opened. He lay in the mud, his cheek resting in a shallow puddle. He sat up. He was on the canyon floor, close to the edge of the canyon, battle raging on around him. The numbers significantly dwindled, bodies strewn everywhere. Lightening suddenly began streaking the night sky, illuminating flashes of the battlefield around him. Disorientated he checked to make sure he was alright, but aside from some bruises, and what felt like a cracked rib he was completely unharmed. And then it came to him. What had happened.

He sprang to his feet. Beside him was a large pile of rubble. He didn’t see her. He began panicking. Turning to make sure no one had noticed him yet, he closed his eyes, collecting what strength he had left, composing himself in the most disciplined way. The rocks and dirt floated up and out. He separated each one from the pile, sending it flying back into the battlefield. He had to work quickly, they were noticing his presence.

And then he found her.

He lifted her limp body out gently with the force and slowly placed her down in the mud before her.

He sat in shock, unsure of what to do.

“Rey” he whispered. He reached out with his mind, searching for life.

Her mind was a dull, fading green. But it was still there.

She was alive.

“Rey” Her name escaped his lips again.

Suddenly her eyes slowly opened.

She was dying.

The sound of electricity whirled by his ear. A storm trooper had swung at him with a stun pike, slipping in the mud and rain, and missing him. Ren swung, and sliced off the stormtroopers hand, sending his lightsaber through their chest before screams of pain could erupt from their lips. They fell dead.

[Music Recommendation (listen to this from here on once through: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQ3poU70uIE ]

Ren turned to run to Rey but suddenly a resistance fighter stepped out in front of him, blocking him from getting to her. Ren looked past the fighter, Rey was pleading with him with her half closed eyes. The fighter before him was young. They held a crude sword made of metal scraps.

He felt it, they were force sensitive.

He looked back towards Rey. Rain pelted the soft features of her face, streaking down her cheek, mixing with blood from a superficial cut on her temple. Her eyes looked into his soul with pleading, as she shook her head weakly, mouthing his name with the last of her strength. Her body was shutting down. He could see it, almost as if time had slowed, eyes losing their glimmer, skin turning colorless, chest rising and falling with her last breath. Her eyes closed and head gently rolled to the side as life left her.

“NOOOOOO!” Ren screamed in anguish, pushing the young fighter out of his way.

He dropped to his knees in front of her, tearing off his helmet. Quickly he pulled off his gloves and tried performing CPR, but it wasn’t working. He pulled her into his lap and brought the bare skin of his hand against the soft skin of her cheek. “No no no no,” he kept repeating as he rocked her lifeless body back and forth, sobs erupting from his lips. It wasn’t working. He had hoped, whatever there had been, whatever power beyond them both that brought them together, that ignited them whenever their skin touched, would bring her back, but it wasn’t.

He pushed the wet strands of hair out of her face, and wiped away the dirt and blood. “I’m so sorry.” He choked out, “You were right, you were always right. If I, if I had just stopped and listened, to you, and my heart, I would have seen. I would have seen what you were trying to tell me this whole time.” He kissed the top of her head. “You, you’re not nothing, you never were, you’re everything to me. I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong to turn on Luke, I was wrong to turn on my family, I, I was wrong to turn on you and I was wrong to turn on the light.”

A ripple of energy ignited in his chest and reverberated out. He felt it pulsate out of his pores and through the air around him.

He felt the mental signature of the Knights of Ren behind him.

He looked down at Rey, unwilling to leave her, but knowing he had to, if only for a little while.

Slowly Ren lowered Rey's body off his lap, laying her down gently. He folded her arms above her chest and gently brought his lips to hers before standing up and pulling his gloves back on and slipping on his helmet.

Four of his Knights had come to find him, sensing his anguish. They stood at the ready.

“We are to help resistance fighters at all costs. Do you hear me? Only attack the First Order, but your defence of fighters is top priority.” Two of the knights disbanded, but two stayed. He sighed, he knew he was a target by both, but he couldn’t let the First order Win.

And then he saw him, Finn. The defector stood, stunned, a young women with black hair next to him. He’d seen her body. “Rey!!” He screamed.

Ren turned to the Knights he’d just sent off, “Keep him away!” He yelled. The knights immediately ran towards Finn, who tried to block them, but to no avail. They held him at bay.

“I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you for this!” Finn yelled, struggling against the power of Rens knights.

Ren turned to glance at Rey to make sure her body remained undisturbed, before he left her to talk to Finn, to try and explain that, although it took the moment of her death, he was not the same. He was determined to stop this battle, this war. To stop the Resistance. To stop the dark.

Glancing over he saw a First Order fighting, what looked to be a pilot, running towards her.

***

Slowly her lids opened, and she could feel and see the rain pelting her face. Above flashes of lightning streaked across the Tatooine sky. Gently she rolled over onto her stomach, feeling pain rippling through her body. She opened her mouth and air rushed in. She took a couple of jagged breaths. She felt, different. Something was, very very different.

She placed her palms down in the mud beside her chest, ready to push herself up when suddenly she heard a scream above her. The flash of a red lightsaber flew through the chest of a First Order Fighter. The lightsaber pulled out of the hulking body and it dropped to the mud before her. Rey sprung to her feet with confusion and terror.

She’d seen this all before. In the basement of a bustling cantina, long ago.

Bodies strewn everywhere, rain pouring down in an endless deluge pooling in muddy puddles made crimson with blood, lightning flashing the canyon around her, and before her, before her stood an armored figure.

The figure stepped towards her, away from flanking soldiers.

Rey stumbled backwards in fear.

The figured stopped, calmly raising their hands to their helmet, and pulling it off.

He had pale skin and full lips. His dark imploring eyes were interrupted by a scar that ran down the side of his cheek. Dark matted and wet tresses hung down over his forehead. His expression was one of complete and utter shock. He carefully, so as not to scare her, pulled off his gloves and extended a hand towards her.

She looked from his hand to his face in confusion and disorientation.

“Rey,” he whispered, her name on his lips a soft caress.

“Ben?” She mouthed, until she realized. She reached out her hand and took his.

She couldn’t hear the battle any longer, she couldn’t see the figures around. The world was drowned out to her. All there was was him.

Gently he pulled her towards him, pulling her small frame up against his chest and enveloping her in his arms. He was crying.

“I, I thought I lost you Rey. I thought I lost you. I couldn’t bear it. You died.” He sobbed into the crux of her neck.

“I think I did,” she whispered against his chest, still unsure of what had happened.

And then it flooded back to her. She saved his life. She’d been crushed in the landslide. He’d been there. And then she had left.

She pulled away, bringing her hands to the sides of his cheeks, looking in to his eyes. “I heard everything. I, I died but I heard everything.” She raised a hand a wiped the tears from his dark eyes. “Ben I love you.” She whispered as tears appeared in her own eyes. She was never more sure, never more sure that the man before her, although the same, was deeply changed.

“I love you too.” Ben Solo whispered, bringing his lips softly to hers and kissing her with the full force of his relief.

“Do you feel it?” she said softly, gingerly breaking her lips away from his. She turned in his arms, looking out around her, flashes of lightening setting her features alight.

“I did, I do. What is it?” He’d felt it as he kneeled in the mud cradling her body.

She turned back to look at him, smiling. She closed her eyes and laid her head against his chest.

“Balance”

\----------

Epilogue soon to come!


	12. Part Two. Chapter Twelve: I'll Find a Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 12

“Wrench”

Finn sighed, furrowing his brows at the pair of legs tucked in to an orange jumpsuit that stuck out from under the Falcon. He picked up the wrench from amongst a pile of scattered tools and busted up ship parts next to him on the floor of the landing bay. “Are you even listening?” He extended the wrench out to the awaiting hand.

Poe rolled out from under the Falcon, smudges of oil on his cheek. He gave Finn a serious look. “Look buddy, I hate the guy just as much as the rest of us. He’s a war criminal, he’s killed hundreds of innocent lives. I don’t really know what you want me to tell you, she loves him, you saw it on her face when we rescued her from Dagobah. Others saw on the battlefield. She’s a traitor in their eyes. She knows who he is, what he’s done, and she loves him, and now she might lose him, so of course she is going to be upset. Of course she is going to be closed off, every eye is on her, scrutinizing her every move.” He shrugged, and grabbed the wrench from Finn and ducked back under the Falcon.

Suddenly he popped back out again, not quite finished with what he had to say. “Okay, yeah, he did help us win the Second Battle of Tatooine. He turned on the First Order yada yada yada, but, he’s still going to face trial. If Rey wants to be alone let her, it’s not easy right now, she’s being torn in two. Best to just be there for her if she wants company, but stay out of the politics.”

“Politics? Of all the people in the galaxy, you two are the last people I’d expect to be talking about politics.” Rose smiled as she approached the pair, moving slowly on a pair of crutches. Finn extended his hand for her and she gently took it, placing the crutches on the floor and awkwardly bending down to take a seat, her leg, still injured from battle, she sat, laying her injured leg out straight in front of her.

Poe grumbled from under the ship. “Politics in this place are dangerous. With the Resistance now slowly merging with the ruins of the New Republic, there are going to be a lot of messy politics going around, especially here with the summit, especially with the trial, and especially with that high brow guy lording himself over us.” 

Rose rolled her eyes. “That guy is Lando Calrissian, a rebel legend, the former Baron Administrator of Cloud City, this city. He’s charming, he’s daring, he…” Rose paused, catching sight of Finn’s mock jealous glare.

“He’s what? Oh please, do go on” Finn broke his glare and smirked. It was true, he thought, from their first brief encounter, Lando really was charming.

***

The knots churned in her stomach like a storm above ocean. She hadn’t seen him in person since Leia’s funeral after the Second Battle of Tatooine. 

Amidst the rubble of battle, the great general had been laid to rest. Hearing of Leia’s death, those that could, had flocked to Tatooine to pay their respects. In the rays of a dazzling sunset, there had been a grand funeral procession, the likes of which had not been seen since the passing of Leia’s biological mother, Padme.

It was here that Rey had seen Ben last.

After Rey had come back to life, there hadn’t been much time for the two to embrace, or fully understand the sudden shock, like an electric current, that had run through their bodys as balance was restored to the force. Side by side, back to back, Rey and Ben had fought once again as they had done before, moving and winding around each others bodys as if choreographed, as if picking out the movement from the others mind before the decision had even been made. Shock had reverberated in the eyes of Resistance members seeing Rey embrace Ben, and then fight at his side. Shocked turned to confusion at the sight of the feared apprentice of Snok turning against the First Order. The battle had waged on until morning, but as soon as Ben and the Knights of Ren had joined the Resistance, the tide had turned dramatically. Losses were still heavy on all sides, but what had been left of the Last Order, a handful of ships, and traumatized storm troopers, had either surrendered or retreated. 

As soon as resistance troops had regrouped, they’d taken Ben away in chains to await trial on Bespin for crimes against the galaxy. Rey had screamed and pleaded for understanding, but she had been too weak, both physically from the wounds she’d suffered in battle, but also mentally, the strain in the force at feeling the death of hundreds, the pain of hundreds, had been too much for her, and so she had watched as Ben had surrendered himself quietly and without a fight. Holding up his battered arms, wrists touching, resignation on the dark features of his scared face.

The last kindness Ben had been shown since his capture, had been the Resistance’s approval of his presence at Leia’s funeral.

Weeping openly as she placed a small note into the generals cold hands upon the soon to be funeral pyre, Rey had caught sight of Ben in the crowd. She’d felt his presence before she had seen him. He had been flanked by two large Wookies, wrists shackled before him. His face was a hard mask of what she could only imagine had been self loathing and regret for a relationship that could have been. She had watched as the corner of his eyes had pooled with tears. It had been a humanizing image for those advocating for his execution. To Rey, however, it had been the image of a young man who now had to face the rest of his life with the wrongs he had committed, and the relationships he had destroyed, no longer able to hide behind a mask of hate.

A month later she paced nervously in the small chambers she had been given in Cloud City. 

Hearing of the First Orders defeat on Tatooine, around the galaxy, enslaved beings had fought back in full against what remained of the First Order. Battles had broken out everywhere as the galaxy fought for their freedom. Most remnants of the First Order had either been killed, or retreated in haste. Some battles were still ongoing. Leadership from around the galaxy, from the New Republic, the Resistance, and from other planets wishing to be a part of the dawning of a new age for the galaxy, had begun to gather at Cloud City for a summit, at the end of which would be the trial of Kylo Ren.

After the funeral he’d closed himself off completely from her, and wouldn’t let her visit him in incarceration. She couldn’t understand, things had changed, everything had changed, yet all she had felt after the funeral was resignation and defeat emanating from him. She couldn’t fathom why he hadn’t shared in her joy. And so instead of being able to celebrate with her friends, apprentices, and fellow Resistance fighters, she’d become closed off, physically weak without him, and frightened for his fate.

The incercom in her quarters blared to life. “Miss Rey, I’ve come to take you to the holding quarters.” It was an unfamiliar smooth voice.

Rey grabbed a beige woolen cloak from atop her small bed and threw it over her shoulders.

The doors separated as she approached, and on the other side stood a smiling face.

The individuals dark skin contrasted against a bright tunic and matching cape of cannery yellow. Teeth shone against a suave smile barely marred by age. Wrinkles littered his features, but did not seem to fully detract from the attractiveness of his face.

“Ah, you must be Rey,” beamed the stranger, his eyes inviting Rey to calm down.

Rey smirked, finally putting the pieces together. There was no mistaking a legend, besides, there had been whispers of his presence ever since he had arrived to the city the previous night, there to take a commanding presence amongst the remaining Resistance members, the only one of their kind to have also dipped their toes in the politics of the New Republic. “And you must be Lando Calrissian.”

He adjusted his cape, “The one and the only. I’m here to take you to Ben.” He extended his elbow for her to take as he began to lead the way.

She turned to look at him with surprise, ignoring his extended arm. It had felt to her, that there was no one left who would humanize him anymore by using his birth given name. And yet Lando had.

Calrissian noticed her expression, his lips twisting in a solemn smile. “I was friends with his late parents. I’ve been following his life with interest, interest which turned to grief at the turn of his fate. I thought, perhaps, from what I’ve heard about you, dear Rey, that you might need an understanding acquaintance at this time.” Lando led them down one corridor after another.

Rey was still skeptical of him, not fully trusting in that suave smile. “And what have you heard about me exactly?”

They passed out of the building and in to a covered walkway that led to the main administrative building, in which the holding cells were located.

“I heard that you are the hero of the Battle of Tatooine. I’ve heard that you are Luke incarnate, a compassionate being with the powers of the force, now a teacher in its ways. But I’ve also heard of a change in you. I’ve heard you’ve become a recluse since the battle. I’ve heard there is suspicion around you now, and your alliance with Ben, for others do not trust his sudden change of heart, they take it as a ploy, a ruse.” He paused briefly. “I heard you are his companion.”

Rey let out a deep heavy sigh, weighed down by all that he had said. It was true. Traumatized, weakened, cloaked now in awe and mistrust, unable to obtain any relief in the comfort of friends who despised the man she loved, the man who had helped bring balance to the force, the man who had saved her. The man who might now die.

She felt like she was drowning.

Tears threatened to spill from her eyes.

Lando gave a nod at a pair of security guards in the security wing of the building.

They passed through the whirling doors and turned left.

“And what do you think” She asked, her voice straining to keep back the sobs that threatened to bubble up.

They passed in to a large chamber of glistening white. Seats were strewn along the walls. At one end was a long corridor, at the end was a large set of metal doors, sets of intricate locks riddling the surface, and on either side stood heavily armored guards.

He stopped and turned to face her. Empathy in those relaxed eyes. “I don’t think anyone knows what you’ve experienced, what you are experiencing.” He dug in to the back pocket of his black slacks, and pulled out a orange card with holographic script on it. “But he,” Lando pointed at the intimidating set of doors at the end of the hall, “now he may know. I orchestrated to allow you security clearance to see him as soon as I arrived. He has no say on who visits him here. You may visit as many times as you please.... Until the trial.” He extended the security pass to Rey.

Slowly she reached out and gingerly took the pass and inspected it, unable to decipher the dialect on the front. She looked back at Lando, confused. “Why are you doing all of this?”

His eyes saddened. “I was close with Ben’s late parents. When I’d heard of his birth I had always dreamed of sending the boy some extravagant present. A ship was the last thing I had settled on, before, well before my life got a little more complicated. I have felt guilt for not being there more for the child and his parents in his formative years. My quests with the Resistance kept me away. I am here now, and I am trying to help. I am doing it for him yes, but I am doing it for Han and Leia too.”

***

Flashes.

Her dying eyes.

Jolts of energy rippling like a lightning strike through the veins.

Electricity all around.

Fire. Fire scorching his skin, soft tissue melting away in torrents of screams.

Betrayal.

The searing sparks of two lightsabers meeting mid air.

The understanding that balance never lasts.

His eyes flashed open, hands thrown up to his throat as he gasped for breath. Sweat streaked down his cheeks, hair matted to his face, clothes sticking to his body.

He sat up struggling for breath as the air slowly entered his body.

Inhaling large bursts of air he shook his head, trying to get the images, thoughts, of his nightmares out.

They’d started after the battle.

But what scared him, is that they were images yet to come. Something terrible loomed on the horizon, something he would do.

He couldn’t explain it.

He felt sick.

After the battle, it was as if his body was rejecting, rejecting something. He wasn’t sure what, but he imagined that it was the light, the light he had been drawn to, the light sparked within him by Rey. Like a transplanted organ, his turn to the good seemed to remain in peace within him.

What had prompted him to keep her away, from him physically, and what had barred her from his mind, had been fear. Fear that like a nuclear reactor, he had the potential for a catastrophic meltdown that would take her down with him.

And that is why he had accepted his fate in confinement so fully. He wanted to be confined. He wanted to be isolated. He wanted to pay for what he had done for years, for what he had done to so many innocent lives, for what he had done to his father, what he had done to Rey in the past, and what he still had the potential to do. He’d thought late in to the night, many times, and had come to the solemn conclusion that he welcomed a verdict of execution.

Like a naive child, as he stood next to Rey on the bloody battlefield, fingers interlaced with her, cheering at the surrender of First Order troops, he thought that balanced once achieved would remain. That he would feel the weight he had been carrying with him for years suddenly lifted within the embraces of love, new friendships, and a renewed purpose in life.

He had been wrong.

Ben swung his legs over the small cot of his cell, resting his elbows on his knees and cradling his head.

He was the only one in his cell block, through fear he would corrupt others, or from being a high profile individual, he wasn’t sure.

His cell was quite large. About the size of a small bedroom aboard a ship, the cell was pretty standard. Four walls, three of steel hugging the cell, and the fourth, facing outwards, made of reinforced glass. A small bed, a small toilet, light cotton pants and tunic, thin pillow and blanket, two personal items were all he was allowed in his cell.

He stripped off the sweat soaked tunic and tossed it on the bed behind him and reached into his pockets.

It hadn’t been difficult for him to choose what to bring. A pair of shimmering dice, linked with a chain that had belonged to his late father, and a small scrap of Rey’s clothing he had found seared or cut off, laying on the bloodied floor of Snoks throne room. At the time he hadn’t know what made him pick up the small patch of rough fabric, but in secret, running it through his fingers, it had become a cherished momento.

Unseen doors whirled open and an armored guard stepped in to view. “You have a visitor.” Their deep voice echoed off the empty walls, following the figured as they disappeared.

He sensed her presence before she came in to view. It wasn’t a conscious realization, but a primal yearning for her coming from every cell of his body.

Slowly, awkwardly, she peaked her head in to view, a smile of relief and worry on her pale features.

[Music recommendation for here on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKBLeALODlc ]

The rhythm of his heart, still trying to even out from his nightmares, picked up once again, as if pleasure and pain were one and the same.

She took a step in to full view, clutching a cloak around her shoulders. Her hair was down, the light brown swaying atop her shoulders. She was wearing capris pants of rough fabric and a shirt of interlocking material. He could see the hesitation on her lips as she struggled for words.

In a swift movement he stood up and crossed the small cell, standing inches from her, the glass wall the only thing separating them.

Her walls were down, purposefully, and in a deluge he saw and felt what she had been going through in isolation, whispers from the lips of everyone around her, companions who couldn’t understand, and fear for him, for his fate.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered horsley, the two words so significantly inadequate.

There was a small rectangular opening in the glass wall for meal trays. He slowly raised his hand, watching as her eyes followed the motion, and placed his fingers through the slot, longing for her touch, needing it, needing it as he had on his ship long ago, but also needing it now as an extension of himself.

She came even closer to the glass, staring in to the pools of his dark eyes, her uneven breath leaving small clouds of condensation on the glass. Her nose was practically touching the glass as she lifted her fingers to meet his, eyes still locked on him.

Through the slot they let their fingers intertwine with love, and longing, with life and electricity. A familiar surge streaked through them, rippling through them in pulsating waves.

Rey leaned her forehead against the glass and closed her eyes, small tears falling from her closed lids.

He couldn’t bare to see her like this. They’d overcome so much, they’d endured, they’d fought, they’d struggled against forces beyond them, a cosmic pull that brought them together, but that always threatened to pull them apart.

Couldn’t they have a moment of rest, a moment of respite, a moment that was theirs and theirs alone. No First Order. No Resistance. No force.

He watched as she silently cried, bringing his other hand to the glass, imaging it against her skin. “I’m so scared,” she whispered.

At a loss for words, unable to tell her exactly what she wanted to hear, to divulge the great fear of himself that had amassed within him in recent weeks, all he could say was a repetition of his words before, “I’m sorry.”

Her eyes sprung open with anger, still clutching on to his fingers between the slots, she let her free hand ball in to a fist and strike the glass where his other hand lay sprawled in longing. “Stop saying that! I have you, I have you now, I have you, and there is balance, and now I’m going to lose you, and you don’t seem to care!” 

His heart fell. “What do you expect me to do. I deserve whatever they decide. I am a war criminal. I mistakenly repeated the history of my lineage and now I must pay for it.” Tears sprang in to his own eyes, but he fought them back, determined to show her his resolve in the matter unwilling to express to her just how much he feared losing her too. He’d lost her once, for brief moments of agony, he couldn’t lose her for the rest of his life, or afterlife.

“But you changed. You won us the battle. You..” She struggle to think of more reasons.

He cut her off, “You can’t expect that to be enough can you? And neither can you will your love for me to be enough either. I deserve whatever sentence is passed, and you would do best to disassociate from me. I will only bring your name down with me.”

He could feel it in her, she knew he was right, but she was stubborn like him, unwilling to accept the truth he offered, unwilling to believe that despite all she had fought for, she would lose him too.

Silence hung in the air.

Contemplation riddled Rey's countenance as her fingers remained locked with his.

“I’ll find a way.” She said with determination, suddenly breaking the quiet.

Ben shook his head solemnly, letting out a small sigh. How would she let him go when the time came when she no longer had a choice.  
He clutched at her fingers harder, savoring the sensation of the power within her, the softness of her hands, the reflection of need in her touch.

“Rey…” He whispered, strain in his tone.

She held the fingers of her free hand up to the glass, as if she held them up to his lips, stopping him. “Shh, just, just shut up for a second. Let me just enjoy this, being here with you. I,” Her voice faltered, “I’ve missed you.”

He kept his mouth shut, wishing with every that he could hold her, every inch of her in his embrace. Ben closed his eyes, conjuring up all the happy memories he had locked away of them together, and sent them through him, to her mind, there were only a handful. Playful flirtations aboard his sheep; the warm embraces of intimacy they shared aboard the escape pod, hurtling through battle; holding her cradled against his body atop the floor of a damp cave on Dagobah, a fire crackling before them; the relief in his urgent lips as he held her, thinking he had lost her; the elation in her eyes as their hands interlocked, cheers eruption around them at the end of battle, watching her as she left his side to congratulate her companions and thinking that whatever may come would be worth it because he now loved and was loved in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Should I continue as a part two or keep it as an epilogue of sorts?


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Spark Fury in an Unstable Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13

“I hate this city,” Rey snarled, lunging at Finn with her lightsaber.

He jumped back, a large grin on his cheeks. He couldn’t hide his happiness at her coming to him, finally. Ducking, he swung Rey’s staff towards her legs, “Why? It’s incredible here.”

Rey jumped up, dodging Finn’s swipe and rolled her eyes, stepping back and wiping the sweat off her forehead with the back of her arm. “There’s nothing natural here. No trees, or grass. No rocks or sand.” Turning her lightsaber off, she slumped to the floor, panting from their sparring session. Finn joined her on the ground. 

The two sat outside on a landing pad at the back of the housing quarters that members of the Resistance had been given for the summit. All around was an expanse of blue, puffs of clouds and towering buildings of metallic hues, the sounds of whirling ships commingled with the chaotic rifts of a sprawling city.

The familiar thrum of an engine coming to life made both Finn and Rey turn. At the far end of the landing pad sat the Millenium Falcon preparing for a test flight. It had sustained some significant damage on Tatooine and Poe, with Chewbacca’s help, had been been spending significant amounts of his time working on the ship ever since.

A similar thought passed through Rey and Finn's minds. They’d suspected he was still mourning the loss of Leia; his mentor, and a motherly figure in his life. Her death had struck him particularly hard. Although he never outwardly showed it, inside his heart had broken, and repairing the Falcon had become a project to not only distract him, but had been a way for Poe to feel, once again, close to Leia, as well as in a metaphorical sense repair himself in process.

The craft slowly ascended as it’s landing mechanisms folded under before it sped off.

“I don’t understand why we can’t be out there, helping someone, anyone. The fight is far from over. We won one battle, we have the upper hand, but they are rebuilding, and still fighting on other planets. We’re still needed out there.” Rey sighed, pointing out beyond the clouds, beyond the stars, at the rest of the galaxy above. She truly did hate this city. As impressive as it was, it was cold, and unfeeling; even the sands of Jakku allowed her some comfort in their warm embrace. On top of it all, she didn’t understand the summit, the point of it. Why did they need to regroup, consult the New Republic. Why couldn’t what the resistance had been fighting for for years been finished before all of this political restructuring could occur.

Finn felt the same way. He felt idle there. Although it had been nice to enjoy time alone with Rose, mentally and physically recovering, it hadn’t felt right to sit in comfort while others still fought for their freedom. He knew, perhaps more than some of the others, what it truly was to lack free will, to have one's decisions made, actions sanctioned, life, home, parents, all taken away. 

“I think maybe soon, when new governance is put in place, and new plans are drawn. When the summit is finished, when uh…” When the trial is over. He turned to steal a glance at Rey’s face. It was a mask, hiding what he could only imagine were her conflicted feelings on the subject, his own mirrored her, but he had to help her push through this time of limbo, this time of uncertain inaction. 

She grabbed a canteen of water next to her and took a sip, staring off at the city’s commotion contrasted against the calm of the skies. “I’ve been asked to give testimony.”

***

He’d lost track of day and night days ago, so it hadn’t surprised him as much as it should have when guards awoke him from his troubled sleep, chained his wrists together, and led him out of his sterile cell, two momentos of love tucked away beneath his clothing. No one had come to see him but Rey. No one had said anything other than the trial was coming on a horizon he could not see. 

He’d become numb to whatever would become of him in the hands of the Resistance, of the New Republic. It made no difference to him, as long as he was chained, controlled, kept caged like a rabid mutt. He had decided long ago, as balance rippled through his cells, that he would do whatever he could to help make right what he had wronged; that he would give every intelligence, every piece of information he could give to aid in the last struggles of this war, as long as he was kept contained.

That was what was now being asked of him.

He was led passively through back passage ways of rusted metal, tunnels of the city unknown to its own inhabitants who only saw the glossy veneer of white. The smell of metallic moisture filled him; it reminded him of blood, of battle, of strength.

He shook his head, clearing his mind of the thought.

The guards flanking him suddenly gripped harder as they rounded a corner, stopping in front of a set of doors, the rust seeping downwards taking on the shape of dripping blood. One of them rapidly punched in a security code and bent down for a retinal scan. The doors slid open and led in to a large chamber. The room was enclosed, no mirrors looking out at the night. The walls were the same white as most of the interior of the city. Across the room was a large desk of white, at which sat an unfamiliar figure, a human, a woman. Her silver hair was pinned up atop her head in an elaborate design of interlocking loops and knots. She wore what appeared to be plain robes of brown. She sat patiently, her hands folded above the desk. In front of the desk was a chair. The guards led Ben to it slowly before roughly pushing him down, and quickly unlocking his wrists then leaving the room from where they came.

Ben rubbed the red lines arounds his wrists from where the restraints had dug in, and looked up at the woman expectantly. He could feel the calm determination coming from her. There was no malice, no ill intent, only a desire for the truth.

“We thought, given your, shall I say obedience since being put under arrest, that for this moment the restraints would be unnecessary.” Her voice reverberated off the walls of the almost empty room.

Ben raised a brow, “We?”

The women relaxed her rigid stance and raised an arm, indicating the wall behind her, “Others are here to witness and to listen.”

He nodded his head in understanding and waited for her to continue.

“We have decided to have your trial now, in secret. Your case will be deliberated on by senators of the New Republic shortly after we are done here listening to your testimony. We have already heard the testimony of others already, and now we are here to hear yours. We advise you give truthful answers to all you will be asked. When we are done discussing your words, you shall hear your fate amongst all who wish to know the verdict laid against the fallen Kylo Ren.”

Ben’s heart fell through his chest like an anchor in open sea. “But I thought I had more time.” He hadn’t had a chance to see Rey one more time, held her fingertips once more. If it was execution, it would be brought swiftly and without delay he knew. 

“Matters have changed, a deliberation is required tonight.”

***

Pacing had become almost routine for her at this point; the anxiety eating her up from within; nails chewed down to nubs; dark circles under her bloodshot eyes. Her fingertips shook with exhaustion.

Tonight was no different.

After a day of deliberation a verdict would be passed the next morning, or so she still believed, uninformed that the trial would end early. No one knew what options were up for debate, whether he even had the potential to be freed for his sacrifices in battle, or whether his crimes were stacked too high to be forgiven, or whether said crimes would require his life as reparation.

She couldn’t take the waiting any longer. She’d seen, she’d felt, futures yet to pass, but his was now a blur to her. She felt once again a hopeless waiting, reminiscent of her agonizingly lonely days on Jakku waiting for someone to come for her. Now she waited for someone to leave.

She stormed out of her living quarters and headed towards the docking bay where Resistance members had docked their small, damaged fleet.

She stealthily peered around the corner when she finally arrived at the bay, having encountered only empty halls on her way there.The bay was empty, most pilots having gone to sleep, and most droids in sleep mode.

She wasn’t sure why she was trying to be secretive, she was free to leave if she wished but too many questions would be asked if anyone saw her, and all for what, a short trip in to orbit to clear her mind, to escape the unnerving chaos in the force.

She spotted the Falcon at the end of the bay near the entranceway. It would be more difficult to pilot alone, but it was still doable, especially for a short trip. She tiptoed her way around various ships, most of which were still in varying degrees of repair since the battle, until she came to the Falcon. It had survived it’s recent test flight thankfully.

Making sure no one had come in to the docking bay behind her, Rey turned to the small code panel beneath the ship that activated the entrance ramp to be lowered.

“Going somewhere?”

Rey let out a short yelp of surprise which she quickly muffled with her hands. “What on earth are you doing here? You nearly scared me half to death.” She whispered angrily, turning around.

Poe smirked, wiping off a smudge of oil from his cheek. He was leaning against the side of the ship dressed in an orange jumpsuit. “Oh me?” He motioned to himself sarcastically, before standing straight and using the dirty rag hooked to the side of the utility belt to wipe clean his hands. “I was doing some final repairs on your ship.” He emphasized the ‘your’ making a point that Rey had seemed to all but forget about the ship as of late.

BB-8 at his fear chirped in disappointment at her.

Rey cut the pretense and sighed, “I can’t stand being here. I needed to clear my head, I needed to breath among the stars.” She crossed her arms, waiting with a lifted brow to see whether he would stop her or not.

“Well perfect, I’ll come along.” He pushed by her and punched in the code for the ship.

“Well, uh, the whole point was to go alone” She shuffled in front of him, blocking him from entering up the ramp. BB-8 just rolled on ahead up the ramp, chirping merily.

He smiled and patted her on the armed, “No can do,” then sidestepped by her and climbed up the ramp, waiting expectantly at the top for her to join him.

Rey grumbled to herself and begrudgingly walked up the ramp, which quickly closed behind her. “I could have flown the Falcon alone you know.” She wiped the stinging sleeplessness from her sore eyes. 

He looked her up and down, scrutinizing her tired features, “Oh I'm sure. Anyways, it’s not about that,” Poe called over his shoulder lightheartedly as he made his way to the cockpit of the ship, taking a seat in front of the primary controls. 

Rey followed and took the accompanying seat, helping him prepare the ship for take off. “Then what is it about?”

The ship rose off the ground of the docking bay, and with precision, Poe steered it through the narrow entrance doors, then up and above the sleeping city passing by as the ship picked up speed as it prepared to exit Bespins atmosphere.

“To be completely frank Rey, I’ve been asked to make sure you do not leave the planet unaccompanied.” He shrugged as the ship shuddered briefly before passing through Bespin airspace in to open space. He adjusted the controls so that the ship would stay docked.

Before Rey could gather her thoughts he left the cockpit.

She sat stunned. Was she really trusted so little now?

She left from her seat and followed him, finding him laying down in one of the small bunk beds aboard the ship, his arm behind his head, eyes closed.

“What are you talking about.” She loomed over him with frustration. Her arms crossed.

He raised a eyelid, then opened both, rolling his eyes at her. “It’s nothing personal kid, just until the trial is over, they need to make sure you aren’t going to do anything brash. It’s not about where your allegiance lies, it’s about what you’re willing to do for him.”

Rey’s mouth dropped in surprise. She’d known there had been rumors and whispers about her, about her allegiance to the Resistance, but she hadn’t known that any of it had been legitimate, no one had told her. In shock, unable to process, she left him in the bunk and returned to the cockpit of the ship.

I would never, she thought to herself, I would never betray the cause, I was willing to kill him for what I felt was right, and I’m willing to let him die now if that is what is decided, and yet, I’m not trusted.

Hurt, she slumped into the captains chair and leaned back, resting her chin in her palm and staring out at the blackness all around, disturbed by small specks of light that were stars and planets and suns far away.

Tears of stress began to pool in her eyes. Could no one see the sacrifices she was willing to make.

At her testimony she had poured her heart, her memories, her inner conflict out to the judges. She'd told all the pain and horror she'd felt and witnessed at his hand. The murder of Han right before her eyes, done with such callous determination and hatred. Her mental torture as he sought entrance into the confines of her mind by force. But she also told them of the struggle she had felt within him. She'd described for them how stepping in to his mind had felt like a prisoner being drawn and quartered, fate, Snok, a familial legacy, the force, and herself, all pulling him in different directions. She'd described how at times he was still the scared boy who had been betrayed by his master, unable to turn off a path of hatred before it was further forced upon him by Snok. She spoke of how their connection had grown in to tangible feelings of respect, clouded by hatred, but blurred by love. She cried relaying the decision she had had to make to end his life by her own hand, describing in detail how every blow against him, how every kick, every clash of lightsaber against lightsaber had, like an acid, corroded away at her heart. Finally, in quiet awe, they had listened as she tried, in perfect words, to tell them just exactly what she had felt as life re-entered her like a newborn's first breath, and how that life breathed in to her the knowledge that balance had been achieved in the pouring rain, amongst the bodies of her comrades, because of what they had had, still had, together. 

She wiped her tears away slowly with her fingers, thinking how strange it was to once again be alone, yet surrounded by loved ones.

Suddenly, in the blink of an eye a spacecraft appeared in the distance, having come out of lightspeed.

Something felt wrong, there was a disturbance in the force. The calm of space had been replaced with an impending dread, a feeling of wrong. Rey couldn’t quite hone in on what it was, but it was coming from that ship. She could feel it as a tightening in her chest, a pressure in her head.

“Poe! Come here!” She called through the shipwide speakers. 

He rushed in to the cockpit, eyes groggy from sleep. “What, what’s going on?” He was panting from the brief sprint over.

Rey pointed out across at the ship. “Do you recognize that ship? Look I don’t know how to explain this but, something is either wrong with that ship, or someone is wrong in it.”

Poe leaned in to the control panels and quickly punched commands in to the controls and magnification disk was lowered in front of his awaiting eyes. He peered in, trying decipher if he recognized the ship.

Rey’s heart was aflutter with panic, but that panic rose as she noticed Poe suddenly freeze with recognition.

“No, it can’t be.” His voice faded out with the intensity of his shock.

Rey leaned in, trying to see what he had noticed. “What? What is it?”

“That is an MRX-BR Pacifier. Those things haven’t been around since the heyday of the Empire.” 

“So? What does that mean.” Rey didn’t understand his shock.

Poe pointed out across at the ship in the distance. “That ship only has two purposes, one, making first contact for expedition missions, or two, heavy assault. Now seeing as Bespin has already been established and colonized, I’m thinking we’re dealing with an option two situation here.”

Rey jumped out of her seat, “We have to call in to Cloud City! We have to tell them about that ship!” She grabbed hold of Poe’s arm, “I can feel it! We need to stop that ship!”

BB-8 let out a sad chirp at their feet, spinning around worriedly.

Rey looked from BB-8 to Poe, “What do you mean the communication system is down? I thought the ship had been repaired.”

Poe scratched the back of his head, “Just about everything, just not that.” He paused, trying to formulate a plan of action. The ship had just as well seen them as they had seen it. Chances of following the ship undetected were small, but, if the ship made a brash move then they could follow close behind, but then again, if the ship attacked, they had no chance because, although the craft could be manned by a single individual, it’s gunners were computer controlled, and it’s sensors had been the most powerful in the galaxy at one point. Although the ship was dated, and seemed like the years hadn’t been kind to it, Poe did not want to test if the ships blasters still worked or not. He was pacing in a small circle, BB-8 following on his heels. They themselves couldn’t just attack, the ship hadn’t done anything. All they had was the type of ship and Rey’s connection to the force.

Poe stopped pacing. “Is there any chance that you can do your force thing and figure out where they are going? If you sense that they mean to do harm you must be able to sense where. Figure that out and we can try to race them back in time to alert whoever or whatever they plan to target.”

Rey gave him a curt nod. She would try her best. She lowered herself to the floor of the cockpit and crossed her legs, placing her hands on her knees, palms outstretched. She closed her eyes and reached out as both Luke and Ben had taught her. She felt the calm emptiness of space around her like a pool of still water, disturbed by a whirlpool; whatever was coming from the ship. She felt out further. There was one individual on-board. She sensed the deliberation coming from them. The Falcons presence had been unexpected. They knew the ship. Courses of action raced across their mind, an obedient torrent of hatred. They clearly planned to destroy something, make everyone burn, spark fury in an unstable mind. Kylo Ren. She felt the name like a sting pass from their mind to hers.

Her eyes flew open. “Cloud City! They're going to bomb the trial!”


	14. Chapter Fourteen: But What He Would Find He Did Not Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Fourteen

His palms were sweaty before him, wrists locked in the embrace of his shackles. Anxiousness radiated down to his fingertips. In days past he would have channelled such feelings in to destruction; smashing to pieces anything in his sights until the anxiety had abetted. He now fought the urge as he was once again led through the unknown passageways of Cloud City from his cell.

Ben’s testimony had not taken very long. The words had come flowing from his lips in torrents as he answered everything he was asked; describing in truth his rise to power and fall from the dark. He’d kept back however, some of his more personal thoughts; his inner feelings at his abandonment by his father, betrayal by Luke, and love of Rey. At the end of it all, he had stated, under oath, to provide any and all intelligence he had remaining regarding the First Order once his trial had finished. His allegiance to the First Order had died with Rey that night on the muddied, bloody, battlefield.

After his testimony he had been led back to his cell while the deliberations were made regarding his fate.He’d sat in quiet contemplation for an hour, shutting himself off from the force, not wanting any fluctuations to hint to him what was to come. Not wanting the brainwaves of his supporters or protestors to penetrate his calm mind. He had not even wanted the familiar comfort of Rey’s green mental signature to embrace him. He knew he would find worry there, like a wave pushing him over into the dark waters of his own minds anxiety. Although he had admitted his own guilt to himself, the trial was an official confirmation for others and for himself of the extent of his wrong, something he could not explain away or twist within himself; something he could no longer escape.

The guards unlocked a door, pushing him roughly into the sanitized white light of the public halls of the administrative building. He could hear the loud murmur on the other side of a set of large imposing doorways as the guards led him forwards. Wanting this show of force, this theatre of justice to simply be over so that he can rot away wherever they chose and pay for his crimes, Ben jerked his head, moving a strand of dark curl out of his eyes. He tilted his chin upwards, dark set eyes, one marred by an angry scar, stared straight before him as he composed his features, and let out a low, heavy sigh as he was lead through in to the senate chambers.

As the doors were peeled back, an angry roar erupted from the chambers, the sound striking him like the waters of a broken flood gate. He let the current of shouts wash over him.

***

“HE’S RIGHT ON OUR TAIL!” Rey yelled in to her headset from the Falcons underbelly turret as she tried to keep the foreign ship from blasting them out of the Bespin skyline as the Falcon raced to Cloud City to warn others.

She fell to the left as Poe jerked the ship to the side to avoid a torrent of oncoming blasts.

“I AM BARELY AVOIDING HIS SHOTS! USE YOUR FORCE THING TO PREDICT HIS MOVES!” Poe yelled through the headset as Rey repositioned herself, sending a volley of ammunition towards their unknown attacker, who dodged to the right and began to spin in pace.

Rey shook her head. “I can’t, he’s too closed off. I think he knows I am force sensitive. I’m only getting snarled bits and pieces but mostly on what he plans on doing. A bomb. A target. The trial, and Ben” 

Suddenly Poe threw the Falcon in to a spin, weaving nosedive, trying to use aerodynamics to their advantage. “WELL THEN WARN REN! WE WON’T GET THERE SOON ENOUGH TO PREVENT ANY ATTACK! OUR ONLY HOPE IS DAMAGING THAT SHIP ENOUGH ENOUGH TO STALL IT BUT I CAN’T SEE THAT HAPPENING IT’S DETECTION SYSTEMS ARE TOO POWERFUL”

Trying to still stave off the ship following close behind them Rey reached out for Ben. Like tentacles of thought she searched for him, for his troubled red mental glow. She found only his wall. Cursing under her breath she could feel the tingling of minds begin to close in on her as they flew closer to Cloud City.

Sentencing had commenced.

Chest rising and falling with adrenaline, hands trembling at the triggers, eyes locked on their mysterious foe, Rey wracked her panicked mind, for something, anything that could save him and everyone else in that building. If it could dodge their shots, the only hope of stopping the ship in time would be to disable it by some unexpected move, something that would knock it off course to damage it or get the ship in a compromised position to be fired on.

“Ram it.” She almost whispered in to her headset as the thought emerged.

“What!” Poe exclaimed as they zigzagged in the sky, Cloud City coming in to view.

“As a last resort, ram it if you can.” Her voice grew stern with resolution. She nodded to herself. If they wanted to help everyone in there, if she wanted to save Ben, it was their only hope.

Poe’s voice fell, “That’s a suicide mission Rey.”

Releasing a cascade of shots Rey sighed, “I know” 

Cloud City getting closer and closer, knowing friends and hundreds of innocent lives would be there, knowing the chance to rebuild the galaxy was in there, Poe nodded to himself. They would do whatever it took. He had given his life before. He would do it again.

***

His eyes scanned for her among the throngs of onlookers come to witness the conclusion of his infamous trial. He recognized a few of the snarled faces of contempt in the audience as friends of his parents and leaders of the Resistance. Their mouths were open as they yelled at him, their voices rising in an angry chorus he had long ago tuned out. He spotted Rey’s friend, the deserter, his face confused and worried as he sat mere metres to the right of Ben. But he didn't see her.

Was she hidden in some corner he couldn't see. Had she chosen not to attend? Was she trying to avoid the whispers and side-eyed glances of those disapproving of their relationship, of those who saw her as a betrayer. 

No, he thought. She was not someone to hide or feel shamed. The weight of his arrest and the following scrutiny had been hard, but she had remained resolute.

But where was she.

The sound of a wooden staff loudly banging against the floor of the chambers brought the angry howls to an end, and the room to attention as silence fell.

Like an uncomfortable tingling in his chest, Ben could feel something wasn’t right. His eyes continued to search for her, the memorized pale tone of her skin, the familiar brown of her hair, and of course those eyes, always wide with curiosity. If he could find those eyes across a battle field, through the smoke of an ambushed ship, in the darkness of a secluded wood, he could find her here.

He strained his neck searching again for her in the room. The hall was quite large, about the size of a landing Bay. The room itself was rectangular in its shape. One side of the rectangle was primarily composed of the large entrance doors. Two the right of the doors were the senatorial seats, and where Ben too had been seated. Across from him and to his right, against the furthest wall were seats as well. High, along the walls, near the ornate ceiling were intricate glass windows. He sat in a booth made of Alusteel, a type of metal used in the composition of starfighter hulls. Before him, like an animal in a trap, his wrists were tightly shackled to the booth. To the left of him, atop a raised podium sat twenty or so senators, all dressed in somber fashion, except a familiar dark skinned captain. Ben recognized him from his youth as a friend to both his parents. The man, dressed in tunic and cape of a dazzling green sat nearest to Ben. He could recognize in the crowds the colors and species of various planets the First Order had attacked, destroyed, enslaved, or exploited; habitants, residents, politicians, fighters, all seated in clumps, all staring at him with contempt as he sat in isolation; a pariah.

 

His eyes turned to rest again on Rey’s friend, FN-2187. Along with other members of the Resistance, a great hulking familiar Wookiee, a young woman, her hair drawn in to a ponytail, various generals and pilots.

Where was that insolent pilot?

Where was Rey?

Ignoring the booming voice of a senator, risen to address the room, he closed his eyes and let down his guards. Without needing to concentrate on the green glow of her mind to find her, wherever she was, her voice flooded his mind the instant he had left himself vulnerable, echoing from within.

GET OUT! SAVE THEM! PLEASE! IF YOU’RE LISTENING YOU NEED TO GO!

Glimpses of her face, twisted with worry, flashed across his closed lids.

Without a second thought he let instinct take him. The force, rippling like electricity through him broke off his chains with ease and he jumped to his feet, his chair flying back behind him, causing the room to room to grow even more silent. Trying to explain would do nothing, these people were errational, brought together to see the death or demise of their enemy. They wouldn’t dare listen to him, so he abandoned that idea right away.

Shouts of anger, shrieks of terror, loud explanations rose up as he parted his feet to stablazie himself and threw up his hands. If he could moved ships or boulders, he could move people. But before he could make another move the room suddenly shook with such violence onlookers were thrown to the floor, including Ben. The force of the impact sent the windows in the far corners in to shatters, shards of glass raining down from above.

That’s when panic erupted, these were senators, fighters, pilots, they weren't stupid, they knew something was wrong, and they knew the ceiling, now cracked like fragile porcelain, would not remain. A frightened stamped began as everyone quickly took off towards the main doors, at the far end of the of whatever attack was upon them. 

Almost everyone had forgotten about him in the frantic chaos of the moment. Almost.

As Ben lurched to his feet a familiar figure stood in front of him, puffing out his chest.

“You’re not going anywhere.” The man snarled, trying with all his might to seem imposing.

Ben rolled his eyes. Of all the days for a confrontation, the imbecile chose today, this moment, as some unforeseen force hurdled their way. “I’m not going anywhere you desertor! Can’t you feel what’s happening! Don’t you…”

His own words were interrupted by Rey’s exclamations in his mind. SAVE THEM. NOW. Her thoughts were a gnarled mass of adrenaline, worry, urgency, panic, and sadness.

He felt something change in the air around him, something powerful, something fast moving. It was coming, whatever it was.

He grabbed hold of the bannister before him and lept over the booth, positioning his body towards the far corner of the hall where the first shockwave had reverberated throughout the building. “STAY BEHIND ME! I DON’T GIVE AN OUNCE OF CARE FOR YOU BUT I’LL BE DAMNED IF I LET HER FAMILY DIE ON MY WATCH.” Ben yelled behind him as Finn ran behind him, no match for Solo’s speed.

Weeks in imprisonment suppressing his powers, unable to practice nor hone his gifts. He wasn’t sure he would be able to do what Rey asked of him, but he would try, for her.

He threw out his arms again, palms up towards the ceiling, every cell in his body, every piece of energy within him and outside of him told him where the impact would occur before his mind even had time to fully process what was happening.

With screams of panic, tumbling dust and glass falling from the ceiling, urgent footsteps running towards the doors at the opposite end of the room, the angry shouts of guards to detain him, Ben closed his eyes and braced for impact.

***

He couldn’t hear anything but a shrill ringing in his ears as he slowly opened his eyes. He couldn’t see anything before him except all the large chunks of ceiling, metallic fragments, dust, smoke, twinkling glass, and small splatters of blood he had been able to keep at bay, now hovering in the air just in front of him, held their by his pure force of will.

Beads of sweat rolled down his forehead from the strain and effort, he felt his arms ready to give way as they began to shake. Ben turned to glance over his shoulder. Staring back at him were the speechless faces of those he had saved, those who had not been able to flee the room in time. They were stunned, immobile, but safe. Including Finn, who stood just behind him, frozen with shock or awe, Ben couldn’t quite tell.

Unable to contain the chaos any longer he dropped to his knees, and around him everything he had been keeping back fell as well, shaking the floor as all the debris collapsed in a perfect semicircle “GO!” He yelled, unable to stand the chaotic emotions in the air from the survivors. He could hear their scurrying footsteps as he struggled to catch his breath, to regain strength.

Like the parting of a dense fog, the smoke began to clear. The room, or what was left of it was riddled with large stone slabs from the ceiling that was no longer there. It had fallen, and so had the the entirely of the furthest wall, left in ruins around a dark, mangle ship lodged in to the room. Flames flickered around the jagged remains of the ship, spreading across the hull and towards a familiar chunk of rusted metal.

He instantly pushed himself up and began sprinting across the room, dodging and leaping over debris, ignoring Finn’s presence behind him as the deserter made the same realization he had. His labored breaths the only thing he could hear, like a stampede in his mind. All other sounds were lost to him as he ran towards the Falcon as it lay, half in the room, half out in a public square, it’s nose completely flattened against the back of the foreign ship. The flames began to spread from one ship to the other, crawling up the Falcon with speed, illuminating the night sky outside.

The ramp door was too distorted to even bother with the code panel. He flicked his fingers and the door went flying off of the disfigured corpse of the Falcon. Smoke began to billow out from the belly of the ship.

“Watch it!” The deserter grumbled, the Falcon door nearly missing him in Ben’s haste to find her.

Ben swung around, chest rising and falling, face snarled with frustration, but he tried to regain composure for the brief moment he dared to spare for Rey’s friend. “Get everyone out of that ship!” He practically barked the command, failing in his half-hearted attempt at composure as he pointed a rigid figure towards the crumpled mass of mysterious metal.

Without a word Finn turned on his heels and sprinted towards the foreign ship, the Wookie appearingly seemingly out of nowhere to lend aid.

Ben turned back to the Falcon with urgency. “Rey!” He called through the thick plumes as he jumped in to the ship, only able to see half an arms length before him. As a child he had memorized every wall ,every corner, every hatch, every room aboard the ship, he had no worries of finding her, but what he would find, he did not know. He ripped off the sleeve of his tunic and held it up to his mouth and began frantically feeling his way through the ship towards the cockpit. “REY!” He called louder.

“Here,” came a strained voice from deep within the void of smoke. “She’s here.”


	15. Chapter Fifteen: I am Ben for Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 15

His eyes, marred by a dark scar, glistened with tears, their expression all together apologetic but determined. His face however was crumpled with pain, his countenance displaying his inner turmoil, his lifetime of personal conflict, of a destiny that saw him torn in two halves that could never reconcile.

She wanted to scream, she wanted to grab him, to tear the lightsaber from his hands as she realized what he was about to do, but she was merely a spectator to the scene, not truly there.

Ben knelt before her, his body shaking with the inescapable fear of death that resides in us all. Shirtless from the waste up, trickles of sweat dripping down from the tips of his tangled dark hair, the muscles of his arms flexing with anxiety as they held his glowing red lightsaber to his left side.

A moment of silence passed between them as he stared into her eyes, bottom lip quivering. A tear escaped his fixated stare, slipping past the dark circles beneath his eyes, rolling down his cheek until it fell from his chin, followed by another, a stream now flowing from both.

Suddenly Ben’s face jerked with shock, his mouth falling open with a gurgled sound, as Rey watched on in horror, the glowing red of the lightsaber slicing through his side with the unnerving, yet familiar sound of searing flesh. With a movement too swift to follow the lightsaber appeared at his right, carving across his abdomen.

The image turned black as if wash away by night.

“You have got to be the most incompetent pilot I have ever met!”

“I’m sorry, but did we not just save your life? Did we not just save a bunch of people?”

“Oh yes, because ramming a ship in to a building is the best strategy.”

“Look, it was Rey's idea, and it was our only option.”

***

“Of course it was her idea,” Ben grumbled, glancing down at Rey in his arms, her limbs limply swaying as he briskly walked down the long hall of a medical centre, following behind an anxious medical droid that led the way. Behind him followed a gaggled of individuals. Trying to keep pace with him was the pilot, Dameron, a little bloodied and worse for wear, who was trying to explain what had happened. Just behind was the ex-stormtrooper practically trailing on Ben’s heels like a worried pup, chiming in with concerned comments about Rey’s well being. At the end of the odd parade was Senator Calrissian, hand on his chin, other arm resting behind his back, deep in contemplation as he listed to the pilot.

“Solo, do you have any idea who could have been behind this?” Calrissian finally spoke, fingers still stroking his chin as his bright cape trailed behind him. 

Ben's face twisted with disgust at his familial name. Years of loathing his identity could not suddenly be erased with a move towards the lightside of the force. “I have an unfathomable number of enemies, who's to know. I'd have to inspect the ship and the body of the pilot. Although I will say, something about this all just does not feel like a mere assassination attempt. It feels too calculated. Your pilot here says this ship was just out of orbit, it seems too risky to linger there. And how did they know when the trial conclusion was starting and where I would be? And how was the ship not detected on any warning radar?”

Ben knelt down slightly as he passed through the doorway of a small hospital room, making sure not to bump Rey’s head or limbs in the process. The medical droid motioned for him to lay her down on a small bed as it turned around and began busying itself with equipment. Supporting her head he lay her down. Blood, now crusted, was falling off in small flakes from her forehead. Her face was dirty from the smoke that had began to suffocate the Falcon. He stared down at her, adjusting a strand of her hair out of her eyes. He wished he could scold her for her stupidity, but also wished he could commend her for her bravery. In truth it was his fault. Had his guards been down she could have warned him sooner, he could have then warned others and hoped they would believe him.

Although he could feel the worry and concern emanating from the pilot and deserter, Ben knew she would be alright. It was only a mild concussion and lots of bruising. She simply needed rest. He glanced up. Calrissian stood just outside of the doorway, staring at him. As soon as they made eye contact he flicked his head, motioning for Ben to join him in the hall. Even though her life wasn’t in danger, if he left, he did not know whether he would be able to return to her. The results of the trial were never announced. His fate may be sealed in death.

Ben looked around the room. The pilot and deserter we in a corner talking in hushed tones, ignoring him. Happy to be unobserved he knelt down and gently kissed Rey’s cheek, closing his eyes at the sensation of their contact, at the warmth of her skin. Standing abruptly he stalked out of the room, mouth in a hard-set line, arms stiff at his sides, and stopped just outside of the door.

Calrissian paused, his mouth opening as if to say something but then he closed it, looking up at Ben before finally speaking, “I have a feeling you’ll know who the pilot of that craft is, or at least, will know how to find out. I also think you’re right to be suspicious of this whole thing.”

Ben raised a brow, “...and why aren't you suspicious of me? And for that matter, why am I not flanked by guards right now? Why haven't I been taken back to my cell?” There were too many questions left unanswered, they were keeping him anxious and confrontational. He’d been kept away from the public, been isolated, and now he was spoken to like a regular person, he was treated not as Kylo Ren, but as Ben Solo, for once in a very long time by anybody but Rey.

Lando laughed, his dazzling smile flashing across his face, “Good question. Technically I am guarding you. And why might you ask is it just me? Well quite frankly the tenseness of what has been happening, the trial, the attack, I did not want you feel like a cornered Wampa with guards all around. If I hadn’t said something there would have been no chance of anyone letting you take the girl here, of walking out of that place.” He shrugged smugly, proud of the level of clout he had at Cloud City. “Either way I think I trust you kid. Under that tortured soul and intimidating front, I see your mother and father. I even see a bit of Luke in there. I definitely see my godson.”

Flashes of his night terrors streaked across Ben’s closed lids, fire, agonizing screams, death and destruction, splatters of blood maring his pale cheek, a red lightsaber in his grip. He shook the images free, face twisting in a snarl, “Well you shouldn’t trust me. That is not who I am anymore,” he spat out through gritted teeth, “I’ve turned yes, but I’ve turned for her,” he pointed behind him in to the room, “Who I am at the core has not changed, I am still Kylo Ren, but I am Ben for her, I saved those lives for her, I stayed in chains for her. I’ve done the right thing, and will do the right thing not because I believe it to be so, but because to her it is what needs to be done. I am who she wants me to be, but I am still Kylo Ren.”

Calrissian shook his head woefully, “You’re wrong. In your heart you do not believe that. I won't stand here and argue with you because I know you're too headstrong for that, just like Han, just know you’re wrong. But for your sake and mine, let’s hope, either way, you do what is right. If you're curious, you were given a prison sentence, not death, and if you can help come to the bottom of this then you may have some freedom after all. I'll have to broker some sort of deal on your behalf, but we'll see. Now come on, let’s take a closer look at that ship, and the body.” Calrissian thrust out his hand towards Ben, a security clearance pass in his palm.

***

The flurry of activity in the trial chambers had died down significantly when Lando and Ben returned to inspect the ship. The bodies of the dead had been removed, along with most of the crumbled ceiling. What remained were the two mangled ships, one half in the building, and the other outside, their fires extinguished. Dawn had broken, and through the gaping hole left by the foreign ship light shone into the room. Next to the unfamiliar ship lay the covered body of it’s pilot. As the two came up to the wreckage Ben could hear Calrissian mumble something under his breath about the loss of his beautiful ship.

Ben circled what was left of the ship as members of the city’s security personnel in grey armor joined them. One spoke up. “It’s an MRX-BR Pacifier.”

Ben turned to the soldier annoyed, “Yes I know,” He grumbled the words, turning back to the ship.

“Well was it a part of the First Orders fleet?”

Ben scoffed, “We never would have used such outdated equipment, these ships were produced during the Imperial era. I’m not surprised only one body was found aboard, typically these are only flown by a single individual for colonization missions. It seems whoever this was simply used whatever ship they had at hand, and by the state of this particular one,” he pointed towards an undamaged section of the ship at a series of welded on scraps of metal on the hull, “it’s been given some repair. I can only assume this attack did not come from any First Order force, if any remain.” He paused, standing up straight in contemplation. “That is of course unless it was carried out by a bounty hunter.” He turned to look down at the covered body of his unknown attacker.

Crouching down next to the body Ben pulled back the white tarp covering it. The creature beneath was a familiar species to him. Standing it would have reached up to his shoulders. The creature was ape-like with a thick layer of dark green fur covering it’s muscular body. The only parts devoid of fur was the very top of its head, it’s hands and feet. The creature was clothed in an even darker green tunic and pants, torn and burned from the crash. Ben reached towards the creature which lay on its back and grabbed the collar of it’s tunic, turning it back to reveal a small, hand-stitched Bounty Hunter insignia. “Strange,” he said, almost to himself, pulling the sheet back over the creature and standing up to face Senator Calrissian and the inquisitive city security force.

“What?” A pair of soldiers ask in unison.

“It is extremely rare that a Yrashu would become a bounty hunter.” Ben eyed Calrissian who was nodding, having followed the same train of thought, but he continued for the benefit of the soldiers. “They have in the past aligned themselves with the republic and the Jedi Order for they themselves are force sensitive beings. It would be unheard of for one of their kind to stoop as low as becoming a bounty hunter considering their aversion to taking how, and how high their moral compass is.”

One of the soldiers stepped forward, their words full of venom, “And what would you know about a moral compass. I can't believe they let a killer loose among us.”

Calrissian stepped in between the soldier and Ben, sympathy in his eyes. He wrapped his arm around the soldier in a friendly fashion and steered him away from the small grouping, “Why don’t you go take a walk Jax.” The soldier nodded and walked off. Calrissian turned back to Ben. “His sister died fighting with the Resistance.” Lando whispered toward Ben before turning back to look at the body. “What do you propose?”

Ben wasn't sure what to say. Was his opinion really being asked? He hesitated for a moment before speaking up, “I propose a small contingent of forces, non-intimidating forces, travel to Baskard and talk with the Yrashu tribe there, or even talk with the human monks living among them. If anyone will know anything about this pilot or why he defected from his tribe, it will be his own kind.”

“Then that is what we shall do” Calrissian smiled, adjusting the sleeves of his shirt, “I’ll ask you men to pass on the message to Baron Administrator Vox and to the Resistance’s new lead General who may still be in Hospital Wing Y.” The soldiers gave Calrissian curt nods before turning and leaving.

Ben had a sneaking suspicion that Calrissian knew all along what conclusions Ben would draw, and that this all was a little game to play in front of the soldiers, in front of witnesses, to highlight Ben’s capabilities and benefit to the New Republic. He played along with the facade. “I’m assuming this small force would benefit from having someone already adopted in to their tribe so that talks could go much smoother?”

Lando beamed at Ben with satisfaction, “Exactly”

So the Senator remembered after all, Ben mused. He thought back on his youth and the time he had spent on Baskarn, left there to be taught by the monks and Yrashu while his parents were on yet another diplomatic mission for the Rebel Alliance. While there he was initiated through Momu and became part of the tribe until he was taken away again to be housed by another group of strangers, neglected as Leia and Hands allegiance to the galaxy seemed stronger than their allegiance to their own son, than their duty as parents. Ben's hands curled into angry fists at his sides. Although his time on Baskarn was a happy one, the history of his neglect and what it had acted as a catalyst for, what it started within him, made him seeth. Seeth for the familial years lost in the past, and for those lost in the future by his own hand. “I suppose I am to join this mission?” He said through gritted teeth.

Calrissian turned to leave the wreckage, motioning for Ben to follow, which he did. “You suppose correctly. See now I’m still formulating this plan in my head but what I’m thinking is you, the girl, once she’s recovered, the ex-stormtrooper, and the new Resistance General. He’ll need to go of course, mostly to ensure your compliance.” Calrisian, walking at a fast pace led them down a series of maze-like hallways, mostly talking to himself. “It needs to be a small force, as you said, so that it doesn’t intimidate the Yrashu, but also so that it can go undetected in the case this mission goes further than intended. Hmm yes, we wouldn't want to alert anyone that the New Republic perceives a threat now that there is some peace. If other planets are on edge they may not want to join us, especially if they think the First Order is rising again.” He paused in front of a non-descript door along a hall with other such doors. “I will plan this out and submit an official request for this mission, but I suspect we will have no qualms on the part of the new General. Convincing others to let you go may be a bit tricky but I’ve been told I have a way with words.” He gave a short chuckle. “Now this is your chambers, you are welcome to use it, or not. You are free for now until I sort things out, but I suggest you not venture from the senatorial or administrative areas of the City. You’ll be monitored of course.” The Senator played with the edges of his mustache as he spoke, his tone light-hearted. “I should be off now, there will be much to go over with others and I have some errands to run. We will inform you when Rey has awoken of course and proceed from there.” He turned to leave, cape twirling around him.

“Wait. Why are you doing all of this?” Ben couldn’t fathom. Of course Calrissian was his godfather and must feel some ties to his parents through him, but he had killed Han, Lando’s friend. He had betrayed the New Republic and the Resistance. Why wasn’t there animosity?

Calrissian paused, foot mid-step, and turned around, his face serious. “Hope played a large roll in the lives of your parents. As long as there was hope, in a single mind, there was potential for change. They are gone now, they cannot hope, and so I hope for you on their behalf.” With that he turned and left, leaving Ben behind speechless.

 

***

He came to her as soon as he heard she'd awoken, practically skidding across the slick floor of the medical centre despite his exhaustion. He slowed his speed however as he approached her door. The halls were empty but for the sounds of sleeping patients and buzzing medical droids rolling down the halls. He peered around the corner of her room.

It was dark except for a small orb-like lamp in the corner next to her bed, illuminating the side of her small frame. She was sitting up, hair dangling in her eyes and falling just past her shoulders. She was fussing with the robes she had been changed in to by the medical droids.

He smiled to himself. He’d seen her as a warrior, as a rival, but he’d never seen her so vulnerable and so human. He opened his mind to her and projected what he saw. As soon as the image passed from his mind to hers Rey looked up confused.

“You’re alive” She said the words almost breathlessly, her eyes scanning him over frantically before she calmed, realizing he was okay. “What, what happened?” She crossed her legs, making room for him at the end of her bed and placed her hand down, inviting him to sit.

He strode across the room with long steps and gently lowered himself down on the edge of the bed, his face in shadows. “The quick version is I was a selfish fool and only caught the end of your message. I saved as many as I could but there were a handful of casualties. Your friends are all okay. You’ve suffered a concussion and have been unconscious for a day. You also have some serious bruising here and there, as I’m sure you can feel. There is no serious damage though. We’re going to find out who that pilot was; you won’t be cooped up here for long. We fly tomorrow.” His voice was somber, he couldn’t mask his own displeasure at the way events had unfolded.

“We?” She raised a brow in question.

He stood, gathering the small pile of her belongings on a nearby counter in to his arms; his back to her. “They chose not to execute me, they chose to act as an example to the galaxy.” His tone was flat, almost emotionless. Ben turned, clutching her things in one arm, he extended the other for her. Smiling she threw the blanket back, took hold of his hand and hopped out of the bed shakily. “ I’m here now because they’ve given me a small chance at freedom if I can show that I truly have changed. If I can prove my allegiance is now with the Resistance and New Republic. Solving this attack is that chance. For now I am free, but it may not last.” He steadied her, taking her hand gently in his and wrapping it around his arm so as to better stabilize her.

Rey’s happy expression melted away, and she squinted her eyes up at him as she took hold of his arm, letting him lead her slowly down the hall of the hospital. “There’s something you aren’t telling me.” She stared up at him with seriousness, noting the dark circles under his red eyes.

He kept his eyes in front of him, avoiding her gaze. “I suppose I feel guilty without chains. I feel that I should not be allowed outside of my cage for what I’ve done. I should not be given even the small pleasure of escorting you back to your chambers, although inside it brings me immeasurable comfort.” She was right, it was true. And he did in fact speak the truth that his guilt acted as an invisible restraint upon him. But it wasn’t just the guilt that kept him from rejoicing at the potential to start new, for a second time. He didn’t trust himself to be free. Something was bubbling within him. Was it the dark side of the force like the core of a planet, melting and churning, waiting for cracks in the surface so that it may spew forth in a destructive eruption? He couldn’t be sure. Perhaps it really was the guilt of what his life had become, of the wrongs he had committed, of the lives he had taken. Possibly he has just spent so long being Kylo Ren, acting under the assumption that he was destined for greatness, that others were below him, that love was not something tangible to him. How could he be expected to act once again like a man when he had been an animal for so long.

Rey was quiet at his side. He sensed the thoughts and questions bombarding her mind, but she remained silent. They walked in silence out of the small hospital in the senatorial quarters of the city to Rey’s chambers not too far away. Passing out of one building and in to the next, the night around them was alive as ships whirled above the city, but the halls of the buildings were silent and deserted. Ben had mapped in his mind as soon as they had arrived in Cloud City where Rey’s chambers were in case an opportunity would come to see her, in case she was in danger, it had been an automatic thing to do, and so he brought them to her door without pause.

He gently untangled Rey’s arm from around his and passed her her security pass that he had been holding. She grabbed the pass and opened her door, turning around to look up at him. “Please stay.” She whispered the words, her eyes pleading.

He shook his head, extending the rest of her things towards her, “I don’t think I should.” He wasn’t sure why he wasn’t giving in to what he truly wanted, which was to hold her, be held by her, sleep soundly for once in his cursed life.

She grabbed her bloodied and burnt clothes from his arms and turned on her heels, walking in to the small living quarters, leaving the door open behind her.

Ben sighed, a small smile playing at the corners of his pout, and followed in behind her, closing the door after himself. Inside the rooms were pitch black, save for the light of Bespins two moons shining in through a number of circular windows. He slipped off his boots, and stripped off his black tunic, letting it fall to the floor and found Rey in the small bedroom, streaks of moonlight illuminating her figure as she tiredly slipped under the blankets of the bed. He followed, pulling back the covers on the other side, his body relaxing as he reached out for Rey across the bed and pulled her back up against his chest so that she was curled against his body. Knowing she was badly bruised in some places, he gently slipped his arms around her waist and tucked his face in to her neck. He inhaled deeply, finding comfort in the smell of her, Ithorian roses. 

Rey shifted slightly against him, her tired voice almost a mumble as she gently spoke. “It’s felt like a lifetime since that escape pod landed. Since we built a small fire in a cave and huddled together for warmth through the night, too uncomfortable to really sleep. After everything that’s happened, fighting you, war, death, destruction, and now the trial. All I’ve ever wanted was your arms around me. I’ve never been in love before, but that’s part of it, isn’t it? We’ve never had that. Ever. In our lives. It doesn’t seem like you’ve ever had that from your parents, I know I haven’t from mine. You can’t imagine what it feels like to have that from you now.”

He held her tighter. He could imagine. He’d never felt something like this before, the comfort of love in one's arms, the mental and physical ease, and the security of being in her bed. He hadn’t curled up in bed like this since he was a young boy, but even then his mind has been full of anxiety and frustration. Now his mind was calm, content. He closed his eyes feeling a deep sleep begin to overtake him. He could say it now with ease and certainty, it was a fact of life now, not simply a troublesome dilemma or something that caused more conflict in his already strained life. “I love you,” He whispered as he began to drift to sleep.


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Se Had Died Once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 16

Ben sighed as he took in his new ship. It was too much, it was just barely off the radar of ostentatious, it was an incredibly thoughtful but callous gift considering the recent political indecision, but it was sturdy and strong. It was perfect. Growing up, dreaming of being a pilot like his father, in a time more simple than now, he had always wanted a YT-2400. He remembered days long ago, laying back and looking up at the stars, imagining himself in a such a ship. Now of course, he would have chosen something much more sleek. A ship that was much more agile. A ship for two.

Ben circled the outside of the light freighter, admiring its two laser cannons and standing in awe of its double-armored hull. It had the signature saucer shape of the YT series. These types of ships were typically used by smugglers, for not only were they durable for deep-space, they also had lots of cargo space, and many opportunities for modification, especially with the configuration of the ships thirteen weapon emplacement points. He paused his circling, musing how perfect the ship was for what they were about to embark.

It had taken a whole day of deliberation for Senator Calrisian to convince both senators and the remaining Resistance members of the viability of the mission he proposed. Ben, as his chosen envoy, and the savior of the recent attack, had been trusted to attend these meetings and argue towards the benefit of such a mission. Ben had hated these meetings, he felt like he was being dragged around by a leash, but he was good at arguing, and Calrissian who sought his help had been nothing but kind to him, and, of course, he wanted to find whoever was responsible for what had happened, not for his own sake, but to take some measure of revenge upon whoever it was that had put Rey’s life at risk. And so he had gone, he had argued the case for the mission diligently with the promise that it could be a quiet undertaking, and that no one from visiting planets need know about the unidentified threat. A plan was formulated to seek out the clan of their mysterious attacker on Baskarn, taking the mission further if no answers were found there. Meanwhile on Cloud City, the attack would be covered up by the story of a malfunctioning ship, and Ben’s disappearance explained by a small sentence in a labor camp. Once the green light had been given on the whole thing, so too had Ben been given something as well, the ship.

After their final meeting Calrissian had pulled him aside to the Administrative Storage Bay and ceremoniously presented Ben with the ship. The senator claimed it was purely for the mission, two pilot controls, room for a small crew, living quarters, but he had named Ben the sole owner nonetheless. How could it have ended up the exact model he'd yearned for in his adolescence. Ben figured Lando knew he wouldn't accept the ship if it were actually gifted to him, but he knew exactly what the gesture was, and he appreciated it to the fullest. He hadn't owned anything of his very own in a long time.

He slid off the black glove of his left hand and let his palm rest against the cool metal of the ship; pulling off the other glove and repeating the gesture. Preparing the ship had been the most amount of normalcy he’d had since what he would imagine was his childhood. Although Rey's love was an unmistakable presence of contentment for him, it wasn't normal. It was a foreign feature in his life, to feel loved as he did. But a ship, refueling, welding a broken vent, inspecting the hull, performing systems checks, these had been a part of his life, both before and after he'd become Kylo Ren.

The sudden murmur of voices across the Bay made him turn his head. General Poe and another female Resistance member were walking towards where Rey and the deserter had been sparring together moments ago.

He let his eyes linger over Poe, the pilot, an individual he had loathed, perhaps not as much as Hux, but still despised, and yet, as Poe had come to help Ben with the ships preparation and modifications over the past day and a half, not as a friend but as a fellow pilot, Ben had come to realize that they were not so different. They had both been raised by fighters of the Rebel Alliance, had grown up amidst constant uncertainty, had been reared by individuals who had roles that outranked that of parent. And yet here Poe was, he had risen up fighting for the cause, he was now General, a fact Ben had learned in confidence over the previous days labours, before the others who he assumed were now about to find out. Poe was respected and revered, he had even been more of a son to Ben's own mother than he had. Poe had the life Ben could have had. Why were they different. Ben pulled his bare hand from the hull of the ship and inspected the pale skin of his palm. The force, that's where their similarities ended. The power within Ben, the power that led him to be feared by one master and manipulated by another. He turned back to look at the small grouping of individuals that would soon be his shipmates, contemplating what path his life would take henceforth.

Suddenly his vision blurred, colors turning grey, blotches of black slowing covering what he could see, and he dropped to his knees blind, the blackness soon turning to vibrant flame before his closed lids. Fire. It was all around.

There was an awful vibration in the air as if the adrenaline in a heartbeat were pounding on an invisible force all around, the flames twisting and turning to the beat. Each thump a deafening roar in his mind. 

She was floating, frozen, paralyzed, only her expression showed her terror. Around her floated loose strands of her hair and robes. A tear trickled down, she was in pain. But he couldn’t stop. He didn’t know how.

There was fire all around, he could feel the heat on his bare torso, tensed with concentration, his arms stretched out, fingers contorting as he struggled to hold her in place why immobilizing the strength of her mind which attempted in vain to fight against him.

Suddenly there was a blood curdling roar coming from his own lips, like an anguished, guttural war cry. It filled his mind and blocked out the onset of her screams. And with that, she was torn apart in front of his very eyes. First it was the skin and clothes to fall away, then the muscle. Blood seeped out of her and hung in the air like a red mist. Organs were stripped out with muscle and tissue until her bones were exposed. As his roar faded, all that she had been fell in to an organic piled on to the scorched earth before him.

A pause hung in the air. The crackle of fire. His labored breaths.

What have I done?

***

“Him!?”

“Me,” beamed Poe smugly as he fixed the collar of his shirt.

 

Finn turned to Connix, his mouth still open with disbelief, eyes pressing her for more information.

She shrugged, a little confused herself. “We lost the last of our High Command when General Organa died. I sat in with Senator Calrissian at the summit and he got voted in.”

“Well that's great!” Rey grinned, slapping Poe on the back, an embarrassed blush spreading across her cheeks as she noticed his wince of pain. Finn’s mouth still hung open. Chuckling Rey lifted a finger and closed it. She turned to Connix, adjusting her garments and checking to make sure her lightsaber was in place and the blade she had hidden at her hip was secured for travel. “So what else happened at the summit? There must be more.”

“Rose and I were appointed Colonel. Finn you were given Captain.” Finn snapped out of his disappointment and a smile sprung on his lips. He nodded his head to himself with affirmation. Connix’s smile faltered as she turned to Rey, not quite able to meet her inquiring gaze. “Rey sorry they uh, they didn't appointment you a rank…” She touched Rey’s arm sympathetically.

“What?” Finn, and Rey said in unison, confusion in their tone.

“Why?” Rey said, her eyebrows furrowing together with a paing of hurt. Moving up in the ranks of the resistance had never been something she aspired for, but it hurt her nonetheless to be judged in such a way by officials who had barely seen battle and by resistance members who had turned a blind eye to their calls of distress on Crait. She could feel the anger bubbling up inside her. The politics of this place did not seem connected with all that had happened to the Resistance.

Connix shuffled her feet uncomfortably, “Part of it is your union with Kylo Ren. Their judgement towards him is still uncertain and so it must be towards you as well.” Connix said solemnly, her tone betraying her true feelings, how she did not agree with the decision.

“and what else?” Rey said, crossing her arms.

Connix turned to Poe to continue, as General he had been brought up to date on everything.

Poe pursed his lips and stepped forward slightly, “They fear your power with the force, your link to the Jedi order. They fear the rise to power of another force sensitive individual, they fear that it will only bring ruin once again to the galaxy.” He spared a quick glance towards Ben across the Bay where he was performing a systems check on the gifted ship in silent solitude. “Although the fall of the Jedi was tragic and Luke Skywalker emerged a hero, they do not wish things to return to the way they once were, with Jedi holding sway, with Jedi entangled in galactic politics, with Jedi numbers multiplying, and with Jedi growing powerful. They fear what they do not understand.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Rey spat, “Luke was the last Jedi, the order died with him. Those books, those books are guidance for me and my apprentices. The Force needs to be controlled and guided.” Rey threw her hands up in annoyance, “What is wrong with everyone around here and their obsession with the past-”

“Rey” Finn broke Rey’s rant, his tone serious as he grabbed on to her arm and pointed across the Bay towards a balled up figure on the ground.

She turned confused until she registered what she was seeing.

She took off in a sprint towards Ben.

He was crumpled on his knees next to the ship, shaking violently as he rocked slightly forward and back. He was mumbling something undering the curtain of dark hair that covered his face. Rey skidded to a stop and knelt beside him, out of breath, and placed a hand on his back.

“Ben? Ben what’s wrong?” She tried to penetrate his mind but she was barred.

“What have I done?” He whispered more clearly, his voice heavy with sobs. “WHAT HAVE I DONE!”

Before Rey could react she was thrown in the air, the wind violently knocked out of her as her back slammed in to a nearby ship. She slumped to the floor gasping for air, her body writhing from the pain in her back and chest.

Everything had happened so fast. She could hear commotion all around, but through the shouts and footsteps, her mind honed in on his voice and his voice alone. Trying to dull the pain she opened her eyes. Finn stood in front of her, blocking her vision. He was waving his arms around her not sure what to do, how to help or where it was even safe to touch.

“Help me up,” Rey coughed out, reaching up an arm. She winced as he pulled her up to her feet, steadying herself against him.

Before her stood Connix, a blaster held steadily in her hand pointed towards Ben who had his back pressed up against a nearby ship, face in his hands. “I didn’t mean to,” He mumbled to Poe who stood in the space between Ben and Rey, blocking him from going to her, with one arm stretched out towards Ben, the other poised on a blaster at his hip.

“Stop!” Rey broke free from Finn, staggering in the process but running in front of Ben, blocking him with her body protectively from both Poe and Connix. “It was an accident alright! Connix put it away! Put it away!”

Reluctantly Connix slowly slipped the blaster back into its holster, eyes locked on Ben.

The air was thick with the tenseness of the moment, Connix glaring at Ben as Rey stood wincing in pain in front of him while he remained silent behind her, Finn’s eyes protectively darting from Rey to around the storage bay in search of a weapon, Poe still standing in the middle ground.

Finally Poe spoke up with authority. “Connix,” her eyes snapped away from Ben to look at her superior, “go find Senator Calrissian and inform him that we are almost ready for departure and about what has occurred here.” She turned on her heels and stalked off. Poe then shifted his body towards Finn who was still glancing around for a weapon. “Finn you need to remove yourself from the situation. Make sure everything is ready for departure, that our streams of communication back to Cloud City are cleared, and that BB-8 is done being oiled by Rose.” For a second Finn didn’t budge, but then he reluctantly left.

With the tension and threat gone Rey turned around. Ben was shaking, sweat drenched hair dangling in front of his face, trickles of tears falling down. She swept his hair back and wiped the tears from his cheeks, trying to compose him with her touch, knowing the sensation to comfort them both. “I know that was an accident,” she whispered. Running towards him across the Bay, although she could not enter his mind, she had felt it, the red glow, but it wasn’t present, it had felt like half of itself, as if the other half were far away, as if his mind were outside itself. She wasn’t sure where he had gone, or exactly what had happened, but she knew he hadn’t been there. “You weren’t here,” she said softly as she leaned her forehead against his, hands gently resting on his cheeks. His eyes remained closed but he nodded slightly and pressed his body in to hers, wrapping his arms around her, ignoring his vulnerability and allowing himself to be comforted.

Poe gave them a few moments before he cleared his throat and spoke firmly. “Ben, should you be going on this mission?”

Ben kept his eyes closed and didn’t move from his stance against Rey. “I don’t think I should go, no. But do others want me to? Yes, and for that I should go.”

It wasn’t the answer Poe was looking for, but it was an honest one, he could feel that at least. “Very well. I am going to join Connix. The two of you prepare yourselves to depart tonight.” He took a step to leave, surprised by the authority he had allowed to take over him during the incident, but stopped, turning back to the embraced pair. “Ben, I will not be releasing your lightsaber or any other weapon to you during this trip. You do not need any more weapons than you already possess. Rey, you are not to arm him. That is an order.” and with that he left, fearful to have such instability coming along with them, and eager to relay what had happened to Calrissian

***

“Rey!”

What does that even mean, he doesn’t think he should go? He’s free, he should be embracing it. He’s been atoning and he will always be atoning in some way. Doesn’t he think he deserves this normalcy for one? He’s holding back. What’s stopping him?

She remembered the nightmare she had had, or was it a vision of events yet to come. Rey winced remembering the pain she had experienced in that brief scene beneath her closed lids of Ben killing himself. Had he seen something similar? Was that why he was acting withdrawn since the trial? No, his demeanor had changed ever since he’d allowed the light to shine within him, ever since he’d turned his back on his old life, ever since he’d allowed himself to be taken by love.

Of course he would have trouble adjusting in some way. When you’ve had your mind set on destruction, when you’ve allowed anger to fuel you, when you’ve had the blood of so many on your hands for so long, turning away from all of that will be hard. But she hadn’t expected him to be so withdrawn. She hadn’t expected him to be like this.

“Rey! It’s your turn.” 

She looked up confused. Finn was pointing at the table before them expectantly. She sighed and put a card down.

BB-8 roared with loud beeps, placing the last of their cards down, clearly the winner.

“Oh come on!” Finn sighed, throwing down the rest of his cards in defeat, “this is the fourth time you’ve won Dantooine Double-Hand! You’re cheating!” He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms on his chest grumpily.

BB-8 let out a volley of angry beeps before rolling over the edge of the table and out of the small dining quarters of their ship.

Finn cracked a grin. “I was only kidding BB-8! You know I’m a sore loser! Come back!.” He paused waiting but the droid did not return. He stood, chair screeching behind him and went to rummage through the cupboards for a snack. “I thought maybe I’d be able to distract you enough but that’s hard to do these days.”

“Sorry,” Rey sighed. She couldn't help but be worried about Ben. She hadn’t wanted to admit it to herself but maybe he really was unstable. He’d been in chains because he had been feared both a danger to himself and others, but now that was proving to be true. His unexplained episode had injured her, and what she had seen, he’d done more than hurt himself. She shook her head trying to clear the thought. She would keep an eye on him, she’d try to monitor his mind once again in secret as he slept. The idea made her sick, to spy on his mind, but she knew he wouldn’t open himself if something was truly amis, and she simply could not risk anyone else being injured. “I’m sorry Rose wasn’t able to come.”

Finn paused his rummaging and leaned against the small counter space. “She was needed on Hay’s Minor, her own people needed her. I wonder what that’s like?”

Rey raised her brows, grabbing her cloak from where it hung on that back of her chair and wrapping it around her shoulders. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t have my own people to help or fight for. I was raised in servitude to the First Order, thankfully I met a lost little droid,” a smile broke across his lips, “then I fought for you, and only you at first. Now I fight for the resistance. When all this is done, if we ever squash what’s left of the First Order, everyone can return to their home planets, but where will I go?”

“You’ll go to Rose, you’ll help her on Hay’s Minor, maybe you’ll start a family of headstrong engineers.” Rey snickered, grabbing her glass of blue milk from the tabletop and taking a sip.

“Maybe,” Finn sighed, not totally displeased with the vision Rey had painted, “but it’s not the same. My planet, my people are out there. Of anyone, I think you would understand.”

She did, or at least she used to. If Ben had truly seen what he had than there was no point in idealizing a family that had sold her away. No point in idealizing a planet that had treated her as it had, her home of solitude. “Honestly I don’t feel close to my past. My past was there to lead me here.”

“Well I do. I was taken away, I was forced from my home. My first memories were the steel walls of a First Order Base.” He turned, finding what he wanted from the cupboard and tucking it under his arm. “Maybe someday I’ll find my home, some day when I’m an old man with grandchildren shining my old blasters from the war.” He grinned, “Maybe you’ll have a family someday too. Anywho, I’m going to go rest a little, wake me up when we land.” Finn turned and left out of sight.

It was a nice idea, settling, having a family, as hard as she tried should, she couldn't imagine it for herself.

***

Ben sat at the primary controls of the ship, coordinating their course to Baskarn, constantly checking their radar lest they be followed to the small Outer-Rim planet. At the supporting controls sat Poe making small but constant comunicae with the ship to verify it was functioning optimally.

They’d been sitting like that ever since they left Cloud City two hours ago.

Ben broke the silence.

“I can be trusted enough that constant scrutiny is completely unnecessary.” His deep voice rang in the cockpit.

Poe paused for a second, surprised by the sudden communication. “Oh I know.” 

“Then why do you insist on being here, unnecessarily fiddling around with controls?” Ben kept his eyes forward. When they’d taken off he’d only expected Poe to stay in the cockpit until they’d reached the outer atmosphere of Bespin before leaving to socialize with the others, allowing Ben to be alone with his thoughts as he preferred. He’d needed the time alone to think about what had happened down on Cloud City, to think about what he had seen. He’d been having nightmares of fire and violence ever since Tatooine, but they had been sensations, they had been feelings, nothing had been realized in physical form behind his closed lids, until he had crumpled to the floor of the storage bay. Rey holding him, extending her influence in to his mind, through her touch, had pushed the trauma of what he had seen away. She’d held him in silence, protecting his own mind from himself until he had been ready to gather their belongings and prepare to leave the city. Now, sitting with the expanse of space before him all he wanted was to think about what it had meant. But he couldn’t, not with the glowing yellow signature of the Resistances new General distracting him.

“I’m keeping you company.” Poe smiled, mostly to himself, as he continued his monitoring.

Ben rolled his eyes. What was the pilot playing at? “I don’t need your company Dameron.”

Poe laughed, “You seemed to enjoy it when we were performing systems checks on the ship.”

Ben grumbled to himself and grabbed the wheel as they began to fly through a small cluster of asteroids. “It was helpful to have the aid of an individual who knows their way around a ship, yes, but I can sense the reservation, caution, and hesitation emanating from you like a stink. You know I am fully capable of manning this ship myself, so why don’t you say your peace.”

Poe sighed and pushed himself up from his seat and paused at the entryway to the cockpit. “I’m supposed to keep an eye on you, it’s my job now, so don’t expect this scrutiny to lessen, at least until we are back on Cloud City. And don’t expect me to falter if something goes awry, because I will do what needs to be done. You’re unstable, it’s very clear. But I want you to know that despite being cautious, I’ve accepted you’re presence here, your change of heart. We’ve been enemies in the past, but that time has come and gone. I want you to know that, and that I will not stop trying to keep you company. I hope in time I can get you to trust me enough that if you destabilize any further, you can confide in me.” With that he slowly walked off, leaving Ben alone with his thoughts.

***

The ship was quiet as Rey quickly brushed out her wet hair and threw a warm cloak over her shoulders. Both Finn and Poe had gone to rest in their own cabins. Rey had stayed up, hoping Ben would put the ship in manual drive and come join her in the captain's cabin, but he hadn’t. She’d quickly washed herself before leaving to go join him where she assumed he still was, hiding out in the cockpit. Needless to say she was worried about him, but she also wanted the simple comfort of his presence. They’d been separated so long while he had been incarcerated, even after his trial he’d only spent the one night with her, meetings and ship preparations keeping him away. Or at least that is what he’d told her. 

She found him still seated, leaning over the controls intently, although the sailing ahead appeared to be smooth. 

“Did you win at cards?” Came his deep voice echoing through the cockpit, his tone lighthearted as he sensed her presence behind him.

Rey smirked and took the chair next to him, turning it so it faced him. She tucked her cloak closer around her. “I have no beginners luck apparently. But that ended a while ago, everyone’s gone to rest before we land.”

Ben turned his head towards her, keeping his seat forward, resting his cheek against the side of the captains chair. He gave Rey a half smile. “Can’t sleep?”

“Not really. It was a little too quiet there. Tell me about your time on Baskarn.” She brought her knees up on the seat and wrapped her arms around her legs.

“I think you’ll love it.” Ben perked up a bit. “It’s the opposite of Jakku really, lush, green, colorful, calm. I went there as a child with a small group of rebel fighters and my,” his voice faltered slightly, “my parents. There’s a rebel outpost in the jungles there, Advance Base Baskarn. While we were there I was sent to learn from the Yrashu. I was adopted in to their tribe and was taught about using the force to hone in on what the world around was trying to tell me. The Yrashu may seem primitive but their species will surprise you. They can sense the good in people, I am not sure how I will be received after the life I have lived, but you, you they will welcome wholeheartedly.” 

Rey smiled as her eyelids began to droop with the wave of sleep threatening to take her. Knowing she would soon fall asleep Ben continued on aimlessly in a softer tone.

“Since we’ll be arriving after nightfall I think we should land the ship at the old Base and make the short treck out to their village. All the while we will need to project our intentions openly and honestly, they are unkind to strangers. Maybe we’ll make that little BB unit go first…” He let his voice trail off in to silence. She’d fallen asleep.

He watched as her chest gently rose and fell, face tilting to the side, fingers untangling from around her knees, the green buzz of her mind a low hum now.

It’s not true, he thought, I won’t do it. I can’t. How could I do that to her, after everything. The prophecy, she had died once. My fear of loss drove me to the edge. I feared her death would come by my hand, and if so, if it was fated, if it was inevitable, why not embrace it, but in that moment, seeing her body limp, eyes close with the last remnants of life, it changed something. How can I be capable of such horror now. She died already. It can't, it can't be happening again, I, I’m different, I’m good.

I’m good.

Kylo Ren, he was capable, it could have been him, but not Ben. I am Ben now, I’m good.

It won’t happen.

He turned the the controls, resolute that what he’d seen was merely a blip, a possible future he was determined to change with his actions. Ben double checked that the ships path was cleared for the final leg of their journey and jumped the ship to lightspeed, placing the ships AI unit in command before gently scooping Rey up in to his arms and carrying her to the captains cabin.


	17. Chapter Seventeen: Young Solo Knows Exactly What Awaits Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 17

“Can you feel that?” Ben closed his eyes and reached out, letting his naked palms feel his way in the dark.

Rey closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She could feel something, an invigorating energy, much like what she had felt on Dagobah but it wasn’t just the energy of separate plants and critters, it felt much larger, a more connected whole like interweaving webs of life. “Yes what is it?” She followed behind Ben, her eyes barely able to see in the pitch black of the night, only the sensation of Ben’s presence leading her along after him.

“I can't feel anything!” Finn clutched onto the back of Rey’s cloak, following her blindly. The small sound of a critter in the trees making him flinch.

“Like a tug? A small pull in the mind?” Poe had never felt anything like it before. The only one to think to bring night vision spectacles, Poe could see Ben smile, feeling the sensation as they marched towards the Yrashu village.

“Yes! It could be in your mind, it could be on your skin, on your heart.” Ben felt it everywhere, and he knew why. “That is the Yrashu, that is their minds, feeling out like tentacles for us, they saw our ship land, they know we're coming. If you feel that tug they are evaluating you as we speak.” All their minds were on him, winding around his body and mind. He could not feel back, they were too strong at barricading their minds. Their minds upon him felt both like a welcoming embrace but also like the disappointed scrutiny.

In the distance the group could hear BB-8 calling out for them in a flurry of beeps to hurry up, he had found the village.

Ben pushed aside the outstretched branch of a tree in front of him, holding it while Rey ducked by and joined him at his side. She gently weaved her fingers with his, sensing the anxiety begin to grow within him.

She leaned in to his ear as they continued on in the night towards the sound of BB-8s calls. “They'll sense the change in you.”

Ben sighed as he stepped over a fallen tree, helping Rey leap over. “There is a chance I may be rejected from the tribe and this mission crumble as soon as we arrive. But perhaps I can atone.”

“Hey! You know you guys could at least warn me about logs and branches!” Finn grumbled from behind the pair. “Yeah I'm looking at you, you hulking jungle expert out front who apparently knows this jungle like the back of his hand! And you too Poe, you're the one with the goggles!”

Rey let out a small giggle, covering her mouth with her hand to stop Finn from hearing.

Suddenly Ben stopped and tugged gently on Rey's hand for her to ease her pace. Beyond a nearby thicket of trees there was the faint glow of firelight. He spoke up, loud enough for Poe to hear in the back. “They know we're here. Let me approach first and stay back until I give you a signal to approach. They won't let anyone stay until they've gone through a momu and officially adopted into the tribe, so expect there to a lot of commotion until we are accepted.”

Ben marched forward, pushing aside ferns and branches before stepping in to the glow of the village.

The village looked as it had when he was a child. The land had been cleared hundreds of generations ago. The stumps of large trees peppered throughout the village as public tables and meeting places. Interspersed were small dwellings of crude wooden planks encircled by animal hides, the roofs made up of interlocking strips of bark. In the centre of the village was a larger structure, similar in construction to the huts but triple the size. It was the village hall where feasts were had, rituals conducted, and laws declared. Circling the village like a glowing perimeter were large fires, casting an orange glow everywhere.

Ben had emerged just on the western edge of the village, where he was met by the villages, huddled together in fear. Among them were monks, dressed in cloaks of coarse fabric. Everyone was guarded by warriors with spears and simple wooden armor. Standing at the head was the chief, BB-8 at his feet. They all looked just as his assn had. The Yrashu were bipedal ape-like beings that stood just short of human height. A thick layer of green fur covered their bodies.

The chief was dressed in an intricate cape of woven together paper-thin strips of painted bark. In his hand he held a large wooden staff. He was exactly as Ben had remembered, except his once vibrant green fur was now a faded, a more lighter shade, showing his age. He bore his front fangs as Ben approached as a sign of warning, halting him in his tracks. BB-8 quickly retreated, rolling past Ben to where the others stood at a distance behind him.

The chiefs snarled voice rang out through the night, “What do you want Sith?” The villagers behind him let out a volley of both frightened and angry primal hoots.

Ben extended his arms at his sides, showing that he was unarmed. “Chief Yargrash, I come to you a changed man seeking your aid.”

The chief struck his staff violently against the earth. “We have heard of your exploits across the galaxy. As a member of this tribe you have brought shame and dishonor on all of us!” Another volley of howls erupted from the villagers. “What makes you think we would help you now young Solo, or do you prefer Kylo Ren?” The chiefs tone was full of spite.

Ben dropped to his knees, resting his hands on the dirt before him, and dropped his head in a show of supplication. “I have changed. I am attempting to make things right. I invite you to see for yourself.”

An uneasy silence hung in the air as the chief contemplated Ben's proposal. Finally he walked forward towards Ben, a slight limp in his step. He reached out his hand and placed it on Ben's head and closed his eyes

Ben winced as he felt the chief rummaging around in his mind. Ben's invitation in to his mind was not an act to take lightly. The process of Aktush, as the Yrashu called it, was the searching of one's mind. There was no way to put up successful walls or barriers to hide thoughts, the Yrashu as force sensitive beings were powerful telepaths and could easily force themselves through any mental barricades, the by product being excruciating pain for those who had such walls. The more open the mind, the less painful the process. Aktush was the primary component of momu.

Ben fought the urge to wince and writhe with pain beneath Yargrash’s touch.

After what felt like an eternity the chief lifted his palm from atop Ben's head and stepped back.

The chiefs posture and contenance relaxed significantly. “Your path in the dark is not clear. You are struggling, but your fight against the dark is enough to show me that young Solo is still in there. Your atonement is sincere and I sense no deceit in your intentions here.”

“Well that's a relief.” Finn half whispered from behind Ben.

“Your friends may approach.” The chief beckoned them forward.

Slowly the small group stepped forward, Poe standing to Ben's left, BB-8 at his feet. Rey took her stance to Ben's right, her features riddled with worry. To Rey's side Finn threw off the large and heavy backpack of supplies he'd been carrying.

Ben stayed on his knees, and his head remained lowered. The chief may have cleared them for their mission to continue, but Ben himself had not been given the green light. As member of the tribe, and as a show of deep respect, he had to remain lowered until he was told otherwise. 

“To my left is the newly appointed General of the Resistance, Poe Dameron. At the end is Captain Finn, a former stormtrooper turned Resistance member. At my side is Rey, Resistance member, war hero of the Second Battle of Tatooine, apprentice of Luke Skywalker.”

A low murmur of awe spread out like a wave among the villagers. The reverence of Luke Skywalker had reached even the furthest corners of the galaxy.

The chief stepped closer to the group, resting his eyes on each member until letting them linger curiously on Rey. “This one is your mate?”

Before Ben could utter a word, Rey spoke up. “I am.” Unsure of the proper protocol she gave the chief a small courtesy.

“Strange that one so pure would be drawn to a mind so clouded and muddy. Strange that the equalizer would choose you; strange but also ideal.” He stroked his chin, eyes staying on Rey before suddenly turning. “Come you three, and the droid. We will take you to your quarters. You are not to leave your huts until momu which will be performed in the morning. Only then can your mission here may continue.”

A path in the crowd opened up and a group of guards beckoned for the group to follow them. Poe and Finn adjusted their packs of supplies and followed the guards. Rey stepped forward but hesitated.

“What about Ben?” She asked, looking down from him to the chief confused by Bens behaviour. She’d never before seen him so, so belittled. Even with Snok there had been a hint of insolence, but Ben was giving Yargrash the utmost respect.

Poe and Finn stopped and turned back around, curious at to what the chief would say.

After a brief pause he let out a laugh. “Oh young Solo knows exactly what awaits him. This New Republic may not want to punish it's people correctly, but Ben is our people too, he will face our punishment.”

Just as the chief said, Ben had known punishment awaited him on Baskarn. In the eyes of the peaceful Yrashu, a few acts of bravery or heroics would not be enough make right his wrongs.

“What exactly do you plan on doing with him?” Poe was by no means going to stop whatever the Yrashu had in mind, but Ben was under his authority and leadership, he should at least be informed about what was to happen.

The chief’s expression changed to one of pity as he looked down at Ben. “He will drink the sap of the Shraya tree and experience the death of everyone he has killed as if it were himself.” Gasps broke out among the villagers. “This is a punishment not to be taken lightly General. This is how young Solo will properly make amends in our eyes.”

Rey shook her head, imagining what the experience would be like. The pain of death over and over again. “That’s torture!”

Ben sighed. He’d sensed this decision would not be easy for Rey to accept. Despite all the wrongs he had done, since his change of heart she had been quick to side with him, even when at times it was against her better judgement. “It is there way. Go. I will meet you when it is finished.”

***

He saw the helmet of a misguided young man, lightly marred from battle. Ben walked closer to the figure, the air around him moving from all sides. Within him was a mixture of heartache and the crippling sensation of failure. Of a failed attempt. Suddenly the man before him was taking off his helmet, revealing the pale face of Kylo Ren, lips in a hard set line, eyes staring back with contemptuous unfeeling. He saw his lips, that of Kylo Ren’s, moving, but in the dream-like haze he could not hear the words, although within him he knew exactly the lies being said. They had haunted him. He spat out those words, only the slightest quiver in those lips revealing the inner conflict he had. His eyes, circled by dark halos of sleeplessness, were looking him over, a decision was in play in that mind, the minor glint of tears yet fully formed in those eyes revealing the dilemma, revealing the loss of self. His jaw clenched and unclenched in anticipation of what was to come. He looked like a frightened boy standing on the ledge of a grave decision. Suddenly the helmet was dropped, and a lightsaber extended into the empty space between the two bodies. It seemed that the boy had made the right choice after all. But Ben knew how this scene would end. He braced himself and reached out for the lightsaber, staring back at himself, the twinkle of tears gone from his eyes, the quiver gone from his lips, the jaw frozen. And then the lightsaber flashed to life through his stomach and he was made to listen to the last words he would ever hear from his tormented son. The lightsaber within him matching the searing sensation of his heart breaking. He reached out with forgiveness and felt the flesh of his son beneath his fingertips, warm and soft, like the day had had first held him in his arms. A fragile thing. Once again so fragile. Fragile and lost. And with that last thought, body and soul burning from within, he fell, the air zipping by like the life from his body. His father's body.

***

Rey rolled over, unable to sleep. Ben’s agonized cries had carried softly in the night breeze. It was impossible to sleep knowing he suffered in some way, but she couldn’t leave. Guards were posted at the door of her hut and wouldn’t depart until the chief came to perform momu in the morning. This wasn’t quite the warm reception she had imagined from the Yrashu, but then again, they were willing to accept them into their tribe, and willing to forgive Ben.

There was a quiet rusting coming from the doorway, the sound of the woven door being gently pushed open. A crack of outside firelight illuminating the small hut and then disappearing as the door closed.

Rey propped herself up trying to make out the figure.

Ben staggered in, clutching the walls for support as he quietly began to strip off his sweat stained clothes without waking her.

Rey reached over and grabbed the small illuminator she’d tucked under her pillow and turned it on, setting the small hut aglow in a dim green light. 

“I’m sorry did I wake you?” Ben's voice was hoarse and raw. Rey could see the sweat dripping off of him. His pale face glistening in the dim green light, his body was shaking slightly. He looked like he was about to faint.

She threw back the covers and jumped to his side instantly, tucking herself under his arm and guiding him to sit down on the small bed. “Are you alright? Do you need anything?”

Ben collapsed onto the bed as soon as they had made it across the small room. “Water please.” He continued deliriously trying to pull off his soaked clothing, arms barely having the energy to lift themselves enough to pull the sleeves of his tunic off.

Rey grabbed a canteen of water from her bag of supplies and gently brought it to his lips. He drank ravenously, as if he had been a wayward soul lost in the deserts of Jakku. Rey took the empty container from him and began helping him remove his shirt. “Did you know this would happen to you?” She sensed his red glow of his mind still pulsating with adrenaline from all he had seen. His mind was abuzz, but his body drained.

Ben let Rey undress him of his shirt, too weak to protest and too eager to be rid of his dirtied clothes. “I wasn’t sure, but I had some idea yes.” He looked up at her as she pulled the shirt over his head, dropping it to the floor. “I can feel your anxiety. Come lay down and let us rest, there is a long day ahead.” He kicked off his boots and with great effort swung his feet onto the bed, stuffing himself to the farther end. He extended his hand towards her. Rey deliberated whether to press the matter or leave it for the moment and finally contested, placing her hand in his, which he gave a weak tug urging her to join him at his side.

She turned out the light and snuggled up at his side. He lay stiffly on his back, chest bare to cool off, arm extended out for her to lay her head on. “Do you enjoy this?” She whispered, pulling the blanket up around her and nuzzling his arm.

Ben was caught off guard by the question, but knew from where it came. He reached over in the dark and softy stroked her hair and her cheek. “This? You at my side?” He moved his fingertips from her jawline to her bare arm, stroking it gently up and down, feeling the small goosebumps beneath his touch. “I understand I have been withdrawn, and that affection does not come naturally to me. I may not express it as fully as most, but you must know, the simple sensation of having you lay next to me, the soft comforting glow of your mind, the utter contentment your presence has on my body and soul, the numbness in my arm from the weight of your head, these are indescribable pleasures to me. This comfort seems so, so natural, I’m surprised at even myself that I can contain myself from clinging at your side every moment of the day.”

He felt a small smile playing at Rey's lips against his arm. “This doesn’t make you feel weak? I know you’ve been troubled by something lately, I’ve sense the conflict within you.” She extended her hand, resting her palm on the still sweaty skin of his bare chest, over his heart, enjoying the slowing rhythm of the familiar beat. 

“I do feel weak, I will admit it. I feel weak at how much I need you, more than I may show, more than you yourself may even realize. But that is not what bothers me. In so many words I find myself having trouble reconciling the two halves of myself. I think maybe you have sensed that as well. I’ve been Kylo Ren so long I’m not sure who Ben Solo is anymore. I’m not sure how to shake the lingering tendrils of both my past and past self. But that is not something you need to worry about. Know that although I may be adrift, you are an anchorage.” He leaned over in the dark, finding her lips with his own.

 

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I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter, there is a much longer one on the way! I also wanted to say hi to any new readers!


	18. Chapter Eighteen: The Man Who Was Ready To Fight The Galaxy, Is Not The Man That Now Fights Himself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 18

Ben pulled on a fresh set of clothes, dark layers of rough fabric in the dim glow of daybreak streaking through the hut. He'd seen it again, the fire. He'd heard it again, the deafening roar. And he'd felt it again, the sensation of her coming apart by his own hand. At the end though, there was an unfamiliar voice calling to him. However this time the scene was in much more detail, as if the future was more set. But how could that be, he thought sliding on his boots, eyes passing over Rey's sleeping frame. I have done nothing wrong, my mind has not shifted one way or the other, if anything those deaths have made me see, feel, the destruction I have brought.

He shook his head, he was lying to himself. Feeling death after death, often looking at himself as the perpetrator, feeling a lightsaber slice and mame, even feeling the rumbling dread of mid space explosions brought on by him, they had shown him the sheer breadth of death he had instigated. His father's death worse of all, marred by the crippling weight of betrayal, it had struck the worse blow. But amidst all of it, he couldn't escape the underlying satisfaction that those deaths brought. Satisfaction of being a good military leader, a good shot, a good blow, a good death. The satisfaction of the sheer extent of his power. Each death he had experienced had thrown him in to despair but had also, beneath the surface, deep down, made him feel like the most powerful man in the galaxy, had made him feel indestructible. Waking up in the morning he'd felt tortured, but also poisoned by a sudden need for battle, for blood. He was confused. He'd wanted to be caged and contained for his own good and the good of everyone around, yet he yearned for more freedom, for good cause or bad he wasn't certain anymore. He didn't feel like himself.

Suddenly the door of the hut flew open with a crash and the chief barged in, a huge grin on his lips. “It's time for momu!”

Ben couldn't help but crack a small smile as he watched Rey fall out of the small bed in surprise. She'd gotten completely tangled in the small blanket. Ben took a step towards her and pulled the blanket off as she struggled to her feet.

“Not a very graceful maneuver. What if we were being attacked?” Ben teased as he ran a hand through his hair, tossing the blanket back up on the bed.

Rey took a seat on the edge of the bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Oh please, I didn't sense any danger. Plus, don't make the mistake of underestimating me, you've done it before.” She smirked as she pointed across the room at Ben's facial scar, before turning towards the chief who was roaring with laughter at her remark, and giving him a low bow as greeting.

Ben reached up and touched the pink scar running down his face. “I'll treasure it always,” he joked, “A memento of your love.” He gave the chief a parting bow before turning to leave.

Rey stood, “wait! What's happening?”

Ben eyed the chief, asking with his eyes permission to tell her. The chief gave the slightest nod.

“The chief will search your mind as he did mine. The more open your mind, the less painful the process. Once that is over you will be taught a brief history of the Yrashu and then welcomed out of the hut by the tribe. It's an intimate process between outsiders and the ruling chief, hence why it is done in each person's hut. I can't tell you how long it will take, but I can tell you that you can trust the chief and even confide in him after the process, which can be quite emotional. I will be there to welcome you with the village.” He gave the chief a pat on back and ducked out of the hut.

The air outside was thick and warm with moisture. Above dark rain clouds had moved overhead, blocking out the suns. In the calm of the morning villagers were already out and about, young females watching groups of children, males preparing to go out hunting, elderly women weaving together malleable strips of bark.

Across the village, sitting at one of the communal stump tables was Poe, a small device in his hand. He was talking to someone on his comlink. Ben strolled over and took a seat across from him, folding his fingers together above the table.

“He's just gotten up, I will pass over communication.” He extended the comlink over to Ben. 

“Hello?” Ben raised a brow. Poe seemed concerned by something, it was apparent all over his face.

A familiar smooth voice answered; senator Calrissian. “Ben, how much longer until you can gain intel?”

“Tonight, we will have a sit down with the chief and then we must stay for a feast before we are allowed to depart. Why? Is there some urgency?” He had picked up the strain in the Senators voice, just as he had on Poe’s face.

“One of Rey's young apprentices has come to me. They don't understand it but they have been washed over by a feeling of dread. Since then two more force sensitive individuals have come to me also, with the same feeling. I’ve told the other senators but they have brushed it off. I've spent enough time with your kind to know you all are not to be taken lightly.”

Young apprentices could never pick up on something like this unless it was something major. Whatever they felt, it was big. “I suggest you listen to them and prepare yourselves for something, perhaps an attack, I cannot say for certain. We will make sure to let you know what we learn right away.” Ben extended the communication device back to Poe who again ressurred the senator that they would resume communication after meeting with the Yrashu. 

Poe turned to Ben, his face stern. “You knew they would punish you, and yet you fail to tell anyone. What's to stop me from assuming you may know more than you let on?”

Ben leaned across the table, frustrated. “You saw the chief look in to my mind. Go ask him. You're part of the tribe now, he would tell you.” He was being truthful, Ben had not sensed anything like what Lando described, nor had picked up any future glimpse of Cloud City in his dreams. He was use to being the object of suspicion, but it was getting old, especially when he was allowing himself to be a compliant tool of the New Republic.

“Look, I'm just trying to cover all the bases. I don't know how hard you've thought about this but things aren't adding up. An attempt on your life carried out by a species from your past. A mission that's drawn you and us away from the city. And now the possibility of a threat. On top of that you're experiencing some inexplicable psychosis, the remnants of the First Order have gone into hiding, and the damn Senate are rejecting their greatest ally in Rey.” He shook his head, balling his hand in to a fist. 

In the distance Ben could hear a volley of cheers. He got to his feet, pushing himself up but leaving his hands resting on the table. “I'll admit, my mind has been elsewhere, what befalls the New Republic only means something to me because of her, but you aren't alone in your suspicions. I will try to keep my mind more open, but I cannot guarantee. I may be strong in the force but only to the extent of my focus, and as you mentioned pilot, my mind is not all there. Either way, hopefully we will have some answers today. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to welcome Rey in to the tribe.” He turned to walk away, a little uneasy from the conversation. The perceptive pilot had pieced things in a way he hadn't, had thought about the totality of all the occured, and yet Ben had not.

“Where was my welcome!” Poe called with mock anger as he watched Ben stalk off.

Ben found her practically buried amongst a sea of green furry well wishers that had come to welcome her each personally in to the tribe. She was beaming as she issued out thanks to everyone, accepting a garland of odd orange flowers from a child. She seemed so incredibly natural amongst the Yrashu, laughing and smiling as they flocked her.

The chief found Ben admiring Rey from the edges of the crowd and came to stand next to him. “Her momu was incredibly quick. I have never before felt a mind so pure from an outsider before. She truly is the equalizer. She is good for you young Solo, you have done well in finding your match.” 

“But am I good for her?” Of all the life she had lived thus far, he alone was responsible for so much pain within in. He was a dark mark upon that purity.

The chief let out a heavy sigh. “That remains to be seen. For now I sense your connection, as strong and bright as the morning suns. Go to her, show her this place. We will have our council mid day.” The chief patted Ben on the shoulder and walked off in the direction of Finn's hut, the crowd slowly thinning out as they followed him.

She spotted him admiring her and cracked a heartfelt smile. “Well that was interesting.” She laughed as she walked over to him.

He could see the process wasn’t painful to her. He’d suspected it wouldn't be, she seemed to only put up walls for him and him alone. He brushed a strand of hair out of her face with the back of his knuckles. “Come, I want to show you something.” He slipped his hand in to hers, holding it gently but firmly. “And close your eyes, keep them closed.” He lifted his other hands and brushed his fingertips across her eyelids to close them.

“But I won’t be able to see!” She laughed, her eyes tightly shut.

Ben smirked as he began to lead her towards the edge of the village. “You’ll just have to trust me then won’t you.”

***

Holding her hand he took her beyond the village, through the jungle to the edges of an old monastery where a dying breed of Yrashu monks still practiced their ancient force religion. The monastery, overgrown and crumbling, was located at the base of a mountainous cliff, the forest engulfing it at all sides. The place was teaming with life, the breeze in the trees, the small sounds of creatures, the low bubble of a forest stream, and the soft stream of music coming from the monastery used for the monks morning meditations.

It had been too dark upon arrival, and too barren in the village for Rey to have seen the true beauty of this place.

He stopped her, placing his hands comfortingly on both of her arms. “Open your eyes.”

Slowly she peered out of one lid and then the next, eyes fixated on him until they caught sight of the surrounding jungle.

She looked around in wonderment. The trees were lush with life and vibrancy. In the swirling canopies of greens, pinks, yellows, and oranges above she watched as small creatures jumped from branch to branch, others flying by in a blur of purples from their intricate plumage. 

“This, this place is like nothing I've ever seen before.” Rey almost whispered the words as she turned in place, taking in the flurry of colors and life around her.

Ben smiled, unable to mask his light heart at the sight of her wide eyes. He often forgot that her foray in to the galaxy beyond Jakku, although momentous, was still brief. She had not had time to explore, to see the small niches of untouched beauty that were still hidden away from war.

He leaned his shoulder against a large moss covered tree, crossing his arms in contentment, watching as Rey leaned down to smell a flower sprouting from ivy, entwined around the trunk of a tree that rose up towards the lively canopy above. 

Her eyes turned towards the monastery, listening to the gentle music escaping it's walls while her eyes darted from flower to critter to fungi. The sounds and sights invigorating her.

She turned to him, a brilliant smile on her lips. He couldn’t remember when he had last seen her like this, free from the burden of war for a moment, her mind at ease. Had he ever seen her like this? So fully free.

“What?” She beamed, coming up to him and running her hands through the soft moss of the tree next to his head, fingertips almost grazing his cheek, gazing up the length of the tree, unable to see the sky above, only patches of clouded light shining down in muted beams

“I have always seen you as a strong fighter, a person with resolute morals, loyal, strong, but in this moment you are pure beauty. I’m afraid to say but this jungle is seems dull to me now in comparison” He wasn’t use to seeing the beauty in things, he’d never had time to, the worries of his soul wouldn’t allow him to. But he saw them now in this moment of purity, of easy and vulnerability.

Rey blushed. She’d never been told something like that before, and especially not from him. He seemed different, changed in some way, burdened but at ease simultaneously.

Ben stood straight, gently taking her hand, “Come, there's one more thing I’d like to show you,” he said softly, leading her through the tropical forest and towards the monastery, his thumb aimlessly rubbing the back of her hand as he held it.

He led her along, climbing the steps of the monastery and through the large arched doorway of intricately carved, withered and moss covered stone. The inside was open to the elements, small ferns sprouted from corners. They passed by a large room where the Yrashu monks sat on woven bark mats, their eyes closed in silent prayer. In the corner were the musicians, three young males from the village, one on flute, one on a small string instrument, and the third playing a small set of symbols. Ben gave them a small bow as greeting, Rey following his lead, before he continued on to the back of the monastery.

“The village and monastery and old rebel base are all located on a large forested plateau. The mountain extends both above and below this patch of jungle.” Ben whispered beside her before stopping just before another larger doorway. He let go of her hand and stepped behind her, bringing his hands over her eyes. “Just beyond this doorway the monastery opens up to the plateaus edge.” He guided her slowly through.

She was speechless. They stood on the edge of a cliff, at the edge of the forest, far down below it continued, a collage of colors. She’d never seen so many colors all clumped together in a patchwork of natural beauty. Following the line of the cliffs edge she could see the plateau continue on in a large semi circle. Far in the distance, at the left edge of the plateau was a roaring waterfall. It fed a winding river down below that traveled the length of the jungle like a great serpent of turquoise hugh that disappeared in the horizon.

Ben wound his arms around Rey's waist. “The few times I’d come her as a child, I had always been drawn to this spot, left to my own devices while my parents discussed politics with the monks and chief. I was conflicted, I couldn’t fathom what I saw before me, nor the sensation it arose. How could a heart hold so much hate and anger, but be so unabashedly, and so quick, to fill to the brim with such beauty. The beautiful power of that roaring river. The beautiful strength of those towering trees. The beautiful resolution of this place, untouched by war. I never understood until I met you, or at least never cared to understand. The soul can hold a hurricane, but it can also be touched so easily by the breaking dawn. Light could shine through the cracks.” He lay a soft kiss on her cheek, expressing to her without words that she was that very light.

Rey’s expression changed, a soft smile on her lips, a tinge of sadness in her eyes. She turned in his arms and rested her cheek on his warm chest. “This doesn’t feel real.” She whispered against him, holding his hulking frame tightly, evening her heartbeat to his. 

He gently tucked his hand under her chin, lifting her face to look into her eyes, “We will have peace soon.”

Suddenly the dark skies above them crackled with booming thunder, triggering a torrent of rain.

Rey laughed as the rain began to soak them. She stretched out her arms with delight, letting go of him, and swung in a circle, welcoming the cleansing water.

Ben let out a low chuckled and ducked beneath the protection of the monasteries archway, away from the rain.

“I would dream of rain on Jakku.” Rey smiled, still twirling in the downpour. “I dreamed of a home out there, somewhere, as I looked up in to the skies. I think I’ve found that. I’m just surprised I didn’t dream you.” She paused with a mischievous grin and thrust out her hand, using the force to tug Ben out from his shelter and in to the rain.

“Hey!” The rain instantly began to soak him. “We're supposed to be meeting with the chief and his council, we've got to look somewhat presentable!” He let her drag him closer and make him do a twirl in the rain to mimic her own.

Rey rolled her eyes, suddenly feeling him push against her with his own mind. “We'll change!”

Using the force he lifted her off her feet and up in to the air with ease, spinning her slowly before gently bringing her back down and into his arms. He brushed the wet hair from her face and peppered it with kisses, eyelids, cheeks, forehead, nose, and finally mouth.

Her mouth was soft, warm, and hungry beneath his. They stayed like that, the rain pouring down, streams of warm jungle downpour streaming down them. Finally Rey broke free, catching her breath and leaning her forehead against his chest as she inhaled deeply. “Sometimes I wish I could run away from everything and just be here, in some quiet place, with you.” She whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck. 

“And why can't you? If I asked you, would you turn away from it all? Run away with me to some corner of the galaxy untouched by light and dark. A place with no First Order, no Resistance. A place where the past is forgotten and forgiven, where we can live in the present as two souls destined to be together.” After his trial he had let himself dream in a small corner of his mind that maybe, just maybe things could truly be set right, the galaxy restored to peace, and that he could live out the rest of what had been a miserable life, with Rey. Now that the future seemed more uncertain, the nightmares getting worse, he longed much more for that dream.

She shook her head against his chest, fingers clutching at his soaked shirt. “But that place doesn't exist. And I could never be idle knowing that others suffer. It's not time for that, not yet. In time though.” She clutched at him harder. What he described, all of it, she wanted it too, but she would never be happy if she turned away from the problems of the galaxy, if she turned a blind eye to the suffering. It was not her way.

Ben brought his hands to both sides of her cheeks, and looked into her eyes seriously. “Promise me that when there is peace, you'll meet me back here, in this place, in this very spot even, and we'll be together.” Their fate seemed forever precarious, forces beyond their control, pulling them in one direction, then the other, but most often apart.

“Ben I promise. We'll be here once again. Just you and I.” A small tear escaped her eye and was lost amidst the rain.

They held each other in silence, around them the jungle alive with sounds, above the clouds roared. Slowly the rain began to slow and the downpour ceased, but they still held each other, each lost in the comfort of the other, each ignoring the world around.

***

At last Rey gave a small shiver. Ben let go of her for a moment, winding an arm around her shoulders and leading them back to the temple. “The monks will have a fire and food to share.” He said softly, almost afraid that the deep tenure of his voice would break the moment, sending it rippling away in waves, like a disturbance on a calm lake.

Just as Ben had said, the monks were in the middle of a meager breakfast of fried fruits and bread, sitting on their mats, a roaring bonfire in front of them, the smoke traveling out the large open archways and windows of the monastery. The monks were happy to oblige their guests and the two sat and talked with them for a while. The monks asked for updates on the conflicts raging beyond their planet, and chattered on about their connection to the force. Rey was enthralled about their way of life. She had grown only hearing about the Jedi and Sith, but didn’t know that there were more neutral ways or mantras to live by for beings strong in the force.

As Ben sat lightly listening to the monks, eyes fixated on Rey, the raging fire warming them, a thought came abruptly to him. As he had listened, eaten, and watched, he had felt the thought slowly coming forth. The tenderness of their time in the jungle. The impending end to this uneasy peace. Usually it was something only witnessed by the pair involved, but as a child he had seen two Yrashu in the forest exchanging small colorful plants with one another and asked Yargrash about what he had seen. He stood slowly, his thoughts coming in to clarity as the idea began to take shape.

“Rey, I’ll be one moment.” He said. She gave him a smiling nod before turning back to one of the monks. 

As a child he’d thought the whole thing was silly, on this planet and others, in any form it had taken. What did one gesture truly mean. However, in the peace and love of the morning he had had with Rey he had come to understand. He walked through the winding halls of the monastery until he came to a large staircase which led to the bowels of the building. Beneath it was dark and damp, there were small flickers of illumination coming from torch sconces on the walls. His footsteps echoed around, breaking the rythmic sound of dripping water from the ceiling.

He could smell where he was headed as he turned one way then the next, finally coming to a large room with no door, no floor, only dirt, and from that dirt sprung hundreds of deep purple plants, their petals large and flat. Their fragrance instantly calming to the senses.

“Bhikku” Ben gave a low bow to the head monk who had his knees in the dirt, caring for the flowers gently.

The monk continued on with his work removing dead leaves from the plants, but cracked a large smile. “I’d sensed someone would come today.” He wiped the sweat from his brow. “I sense now that this is something that has just popped right in to that mind of yours, but that the weight it holds is no different than any other decision made over time.” He nodded to himself, picking out the waves of nervousness and resolution coming from Ben. “You may enter the garden and choose your pair.”

Ben stepped through the threshold in to the damp and dark room, careful to step between the plants as he entered. He closed his eyes as he searched. It felt like a vibration coming from the corner of the room, tugging him forward. His mind found the pair before his eyes did. Gently he crouched down, honing in on two particular flowers. They had sprung from different plants but their vines had intertwined around each other. Genty he plucked the flowers and left to return to Rey, giving the gardening Monk a low bow of respect as he left.

When he returned he found Rey alone, standing with her back to the fire, trying to dry off the last patches of damp on her clothing. Ben smiled to himself. The monks had likely plucked what he planned to do right from his mind and had made some excuse to leave so that he and Rey could be alone.

Rey took down her hair and began trying to untangle and dry it by the fire. “It was the strangest thing, they all suddenly stopped talking and said they had to go and tend to their garden, and then they all up and left,” she shrugged as he approached.

Ben took a seat in front of Rey, and she followed him, her legs crossed, the fire behind her forming a glowing orange halo.

His nerves were clawing at him from within. Ben crossed his legs and shuffled himself closer to Rey so that their knees touched. Slowly he extended his enclosed palm in the space between them and opened his hand to reveal the two flowers sitting in his palm. “When the Yrashu find a partner or mate, they do not have what we understand as a formal marriage.” The words came stuttering out of his mouth almost hesitantly. At the mention Rey turned her gaze from the beautiful violet flowers contrasted against Bens pale palm to his face, unsure exactly where the conversation was headed. “The union they choose to enter in to is private. There is no display for others. There is no formal expression to the village of that union. It is completely personal. It is a secret almost, something shared in every touch, embrace, and kiss. But like a marriage they do make a vow to one another, a vow of life and vulnerability.” He gently separated the intertwined flowers, staring down at his hands as he continued, feeling his heartbeat racing within his chest. “This flower which comes from the Vray plant is sacred to the Yrashu. This little, delicate flower has the ability, when ingested, to cease all force abilities. When two Yrashu love or care for one another they exchange this plant, knowing the other has a sort of power over them. In a way it's like baring ones neck, it's allowing the other to see ones weakness and have power over that weakness. Whether the plant is ever used or not does not matter, it's in the gesture, the ceremony of exchange, where the true power lies, where two beings are united in a show of vulnerability, but most importantly, trust with one another.”

Rey's mouth hung open slightly, her eyes wide as they looked from Ben's anxious face to the flowers. Suddenly her eyes began to glisten, the corners of her mouth began to shake.

“Ben, are, are you asking me to marry you?” Her voice faded at the end, turning in to a whisper. 

“I uh, yes, but no. Human marriages have no, no weight to them. The giving of the Vray means so much more, I'm asking you to be my partner, my companion, to trust in me as I trust in you.” Suddenly the scene seemed familiar. His mind flashed back in time, to what felt like an eternity. The smell of seared flesh around. Sirens blaring in the background signaling the destruction of a ship. He had plead then, but it wasn't for what he asked now. Then he wanted an equal, someone powerful, someone to join him in rank, someone he could twist and morph. Now he asked for love, for union, and nothing more. “This, it's not. When I asked you to join me before it was different. I'm different. I asked you then to join me in a moment of clarity, knowing I didn't have to be alone in the twisted world I had made for myself in killing Snoke. I ask you now to join me as uh, as…”

Rey reached out and gently lay her fingers on his lips, stopping the words that had flowed out in a hectic torrent. “Ben, you do not need to explain to me that you are different. The man I fought in knee deep snow, is not the man that sits before me. The man that gave me this,” she touched a small scar on her cheek from where he had burned her, “the man that was revolted by the idea that he could love, is not the man that embraced me in that escape pod, the man that now holds me at night, who lays tender kisses and smiles at beauty. The man who was ready to fight the galaxy, is not the man that now fights himself.” She took one of the flowers, inspecting it as Ben sat in silence. She deliberated quietly. Finally she looked up, Ben's eyes glistened, his lips shaking slightly. He was nervous. Nervous she would reject him for a second time. “I accept, just, please, don't ever force me to use this, don't bring me back to a time when I had to fight you.”

He nodded slightly and closed his fingers around the flower that remained in his own palm. “I will try.” He whispered.


	19. Chapter Nineteen: You'll Need to be Kylo Ren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 19

“I see you've enjoyed the jungle.” The Chief laughed, winking at Rey and Ben as they walked into the large social hut, hand in hand.

Everyone had been waiting for them to join the meeting, some more patiently than others. In the middle of the hut was a small fire, the smoke spiraling out in a hole in the roof. Everyone sat on tree stumps. Around the room were long tables, meant to seat the whole village. It had been a long time since Ben had been here, in this spot, dancing with the other Yrashu children as he watched his parents talking in hushed tones to other Rebellion members in dark corners.

Finn grimaced as they approached, “and where have you two been? We've been waiting forever.”

Poe smiled, what frustration he had felt melted away as the aura of the pairs happiness became infectious in the space of the hut. He sat next to the Chief, Finn on the the other side of him, BB-8 at his feet.

Ben gave the Chief a small bow then guided Rey around the empty seats. “The jungle was more beautiful than I remember.” He ignored Finns comment as he sat down next to Rey. “Now shall we begin?”

The Chiefs face grew serious. He clutched his staff. “I've got glimmers from your mind already but please tell me why it is you have come.”

Ben and Poe looked at eachother, seeing who should speak first. Ben gave Poe a small gesture to speak, he was the man in charge after all.

Poe cleared his throat. “There was an attack on Cloud City during Ben's trial. Rey and I spotted the attacker in the upper atmosphere and Rey claims that the individual's thoughts acknowledged that rather the attack was directed at Ben, to enrage him somehow or to make him unstable. Despite our best efforts we only partly managed to stop the attack but their ship and ours still crashed in to the city. The perpetrator died during the crash. We came to you Chief because the attacker was Yrashu.”

The Chief’s eyes closed with anticipation as Poe finished what he had to say. His grip tightened around his cane as he let out a heavy sigh. “I believe that was Tromu.” Slowly the Chief rose from his seat and began to pace around the small fire in contemplation. “Many full moons ago we had a strange ship arrive at the base of the mountain, below the plateau. We hadn’t been caught off guard by a foreigners arrival like this in my lifetime. We had always felt or seen an arrival. Tromu, my nephew, left alone to assess any danger. He was gone longer than we imagined. By the time he returned we had already started to organize a search party.” The chief paused, catching the eyes of his guests. “He was changed. He wouldn’t let anyone touch him. However, we did not realize this at first, we simply thought whatever he had experience or seen had made him jumpy and scared, but we came to understand he was avoiding our touch; he was avoiding our minds. Eight days later he vanished at night. We searched for him, but could not feel his presence on the planet…”

Ben, his face twisted with deep contemplation, finally spoke. “Do you suspect the stranger or strangers returned for him? Did you catch any feeling when they arrived? Did you feel anything at all?” Being force sensitive they must have felt something, unless whoever it was was so powerful as to both cloak their arrival and their presence altogether.

The Chief looked in to the crackling fire, the flames casting shadows on his aged face. “Artorias.”

“Artorias?” Rey asked confused. She’d only heard of the planet once briefly on Jakku at a trading outpost.

Poe raised a brow. “Artorias? The fallen planet? After the Yuuzhan Vong invasion it turned in to ruins. Of all the places, why Artorias?”

“It was simply a name that penetrated my mind the night Tromu left. It had felt fleeting, like the name was meant to be withheld. I know not the significance General Dameron, but I suspect Young Solo does.” The chief nodded his head towards Ben.

Everyone's eyes darted to Ben who had crossed his arms, a spark of recognition glinting in his eyes. He did recognize the name, and the planet. He grew uncomfortable as the others kept staring.

“See, now I knew he had something to do with this.” Finn grumbled from the corner of the room.

Rey reached over to him and gently laid her hand on his arm imploringly. “Ben?”

Her touch put him at ease to speak. “What I know of Artorias is miniscule. Rumours. Only rumours. It was whispered that there was a First Order offshoot forming on Artorias. Actually, not entirely First Order, more so something with closer ties to the old Empire but with deserters from among our ranks. None of the high ranking officials, including myself, would allow anything to be discussed amongst the troopers on the orders of Snok himself, but truthfully we ourselves did not know the validity of these rumours. No investigations were launched in to the matter, though I had always suspected there was more behind it all than Snok would ever reveal. Either way, the whole situation was never a serious threat or cause for concern. I never thought twice about Artorias after we began to defend against heavy Resistance attacks.”

Poe shook his head with frustration at the news. “Why did we not know about this? Ben I already asked you what else you were hiding! I’m trying to trust you here but you’re making it damn difficult!” He stood up as he raised his voice.

Ben stood automatically as a reaction to Poe’s sudden anger. He knew he shouldn't have, but his passivity could only remain for so long. His more basic instincts could not tolerate being spoken down to this way when he had done nothing wrong. “When I was being interrogated I spoke for hours! I told everything I thought was relevant! I discussed our points of attack and our plans, I never suspected our casual suspicions would be anything to note. I am trying here and yet you are still quick to point the finger! You said it yourself this morning, this all seems too calculated, too precise. It is not my doing though, ask Yargrash, he's been in my mind, he could tell you.” The sweat was pooling on Ben's forehead as he thrust out his hand to point at the Chief.

A tense silence hung in the air before suddenly Poe's comlink flickered to life, the usual blue light indicating an incoming communication was red. An emergency communicae. 

“Hello?” Poe held the device out so that the others could hear the message.

“I tried but no one would listen! Rey's apprentices were right!” It was Lando, speaking with heavy breaths. “We warned as many as we could and were preparing to leave with a small group when the city was attacked. Dameron, they were, they were children...” In the background they could hear Chewie snarl.

“Children? What do you mean children? Did you make it out?” Poe clutched the comlink closer. 

“Children, I don't know how I can make this any more clear, they were children of different species. They were a little inexperienced but ruthless. We managed to quickly hop in my ship with the group we gathered before a fleet suddenly appeared out of hyperspace. We fled the city and ducked below the clouds to escape.” They could hear more commotion in the background, the beeping of a droid, low frantic chatter.

Finn stood, grabbing the comlink from Poe. “Who did you make it out with?”

“Who do we have?” Lando yelled searching his companions. “We've got Chewie, Rey all of your young apprentices, we have R2 and C3PO, two New Republic officials who trusted me enough, and a handful of Resistance members.”

Finns face fell. “What about Rose!”

“We couldn't find her, her or Connix. We're circling through the clouds right now trying to get some ships off our tail but we plan on returning the city to look for survivors.”

Finn looked around frantically, pleading in his eyes. “We have to leave! We have to go find then! We have to help!”

No one moved, the shock almost paralyzing them.

Finally Poe took the comlink from Finn. In days past he would have been rash, he would have sent them back, he would have jumped in an X Wing and blown whoever attacked them out of the sky, but there were others relying on him now. He couldn't be a trigger happy boy, he had to be a man, a general, that Leia would have been proud of. “Lando I want you to protect your ship and everyone inside at all costs. Do not fire and do not approach the city.” Finns mouth opened with grief to protest but Poe held up his hand and continued. “In the meantime I want you to send encrypted messages to the city and try to get in touch with any survivors. I will leave Baskarn and join you as soon as I can.” Poe turned to the Chief, “Are there still abandoned ships at the old Rebel base?” The Chief nodded silently.

“What of the rest of you?” Lando asked, the comlink cutting out slightly.

“Finn, Rey, and Ben will continue this mission. It seems they are meant to follow this clearly outlined path before them. I trust both Rey and Finn to monitor Ben. Calrissian, I think our enemies have come from Artorias. I will get on the next available ship and find you. Just, please, survive this.”

“We will General.” They could all hear the confident smile in Landos voice. Chewie called out in the background before communication ceased.

Poe slumped in to his seat, burrowing his head in his hands as Finn stormed out of the hut, the door loudly swinging shut behind him.

Rey who had been silently sitting, everything washing over her, finally stood. She was shaking, tears glistening in her eyes. “I, I just felt something. Something terrible.” Her soft, shaky voice broke the silence.

Ben, who was still standing, turned to her protectively pulling her into his arms. He'd felt it too.

“A disturbance in the force.” The Chief half whispered, his words acknowledging Ben's thoughts.

***

Moonlight streamed in through the cracks of the small hut. Motionless Rey sat at the edge of the bed, her eyes following the distressed movements and twitches as Ben shook from a nightmare. His eyelids fluttered with the invisible movement of his eyes. His lips quivered. Sweat pooled on his forehead.

“I won’t do it.” He whispered.

 

She’d been sitting and watching him in the moonlight for what felt like hours, debating taking a peek inside his resting and restless mind. His nightmares had been getting worse. Or, at least that is what he told her, but she knew he lied. He lied because she was lying to him too. Ever since the news had come in from Cloud City two days ago everyone had been anxious, on edge. Communication had been lost with Calrissian, and with no news of the survivors fate, or even that of Rose and Connix, both Finn and Poe has been especially tense. They threw themselves in to work, along with BB-8, restoring an old rusted Rebel ship they had found in the old base not far from where they had first landed. The anxiety they felt was different than what was happening in Ben and herself, Rey couldn’t explain it, but she knew. Of course they were distraught with what had happened and the new found uncertainty, but feeling that shift in the force, a shift that told every cell in their bodies that balance was gone, had altered them on a physiological level. Rey could not shake the pit she felt in her stomach. She could not rid herself of the constant sensation of some sort of impending despair. This feeling was made worse by her nightly visions. Always the same scene, each day bringing on a new detail or a slight change, but it mostly stayed the same. It was the same vision she had seen in the hospital. The same feeling of paralysis, the same tortured face, the same flickering lightsaber disappearing in to soft flesh, the same dying eyes.

Did Ben see the same thing at night, when he’d wake her up, body torturously turning, altered by things yet to happen.

She unwrapped her hand from around her legs and gently reached out towards him, her fingertips ever so slightly brushing against the side of his bare arm.

A first all she saw was color, reds, yellows, and oranges that slowly manifested into their base parts, fire and blood. Even in sleep his walls were up, so she couldn’t get past those two things, fire and blood. 

She probed deeper however, and what she felt she couldn’t describe. It felt like she was breaking apart, combusting, peeling, from the outside in. Her flesh torn apart piece by piece.

She recoiled her hand in shock. Her body and mind slowly returning to the present.

Ben was still asleep on the bed next to her, she was surprised he hadn’t woken, usually his mind was so attuned to any intrusion. In nights past he use to catch her as she sent her mind out across space to his probingly. Unsure whether waking him was a good idea she gently got up off the small bed and grabbed his large black cloak, wrapping it around her. She pulled on some shoes and tucked her lightsaber in to her belt. Finding comfort in the smell of his cloak while her mind and stomach were abuz she crept out of the hut and in to the moonlit night.

The village was quiet except the low hushed crackling of burning out fire pits. 

Is this what he had seen before, she thought as she began to aimlessly wander. Was it what she saw too? But just more?

She couldn’t fault him for not telling her, she hadn’t spoken of what she’d seen either, but was it what was causing conflict in him, making him both open and caring, but also closed off, if the two could even coincide. 

And if her suspicions were right, that these were not dreams but actual visions of what was yet to come, what then? Was that truly what the future held? Rey shook her head, unable to stand the thought that the scene that had been playing out every night would really happen, unable to accept that Ben would really do that to himself.

Not far in the distance, near the edge of the village she spotted a large furry silhouette, their green fur illuminated by the fire they sat in front of. She paused, unsure whether she should disturb the Chief or continue with her wandering. She decided to join him.

“Unable to sleep equalizer?” The Chiefs deep voice rang out as Rey went around the log he sat at and scooched over next to him, reaching out her hands towards the warmth of the flames before them.

Rey gave a sad smile, “No. I don’t think any of my companions can at the moment.” She twisted her body slightly so she half faced the Chief, half faced the crackling fire. “Tell me, is the equalizer truly the chosen one? Does the equalizer do it once? Brings balance once?”

The Chief scratched his green chin. “Among my people we say equalizer. Among yours you are the chosen one. My child, it seems that no one has talked to you about this.” 

Rey shook her head silently, her eyes asking him to continue.

The Chief cleared his throat. “Well as you know one of the great faults of the Jedi were to prematurely believe Anakin Skywalker to be the chosen one. They were wrong however. He did not bring balance, but rather put the galaxy in turmoil, letting his need to control both others and fate, consume him.” He paused, his eyes growing sad at the memory of how turmoil in the galaxy began.” You child are the true equalizer, but the idea, the myth of your existence has been lost along with the Jedi, that is why you have been left scrambling blind in to this conflict that the force has gravatized you toward. To answer your question, the equalizer will not bring balance once, but many times over their life. Balance is delicate and can be disrupted quite easily. I felt that along with yourself and Ben, the teetering towards the dark that took place days ago. Whether you will it or not, you are fated to bring balance again.”

Rey sighed with a heavy heart. “I didn't even know what I was doing before, I was just fighting with the Resistance, I don't understand it.” She looked at her palms. There was both power there that she knew, that she had learned and strengthened with Luke Skywalker's help, but the Chief was right, there was also power there that she was blind to.

The Chief rumbled with soft but deep laughter. “I’m surprised you haven't realized. Your love. It was your love. It was your very existence. You changed young Solo, you changed the course of the war.” The Chief gave a playful tug at Ben’s cape wrapped around Rey’s shoulders before his face grew solemn. “Whether that change will stay or not no one can foresee but him, but I know you sense it too, the conflict within him. Ben has an incredibly strong will, but he can easily be swayed by passion. Thankfully he has passion for you.” 

It made sense now. Rey hadn't had time to dwell on what had happened on that battlefield amidst the rain, mud, and bodies. Politics had swept them up in to Ben's imprisonment and the revival of the Republic. “I believe in him.” Rey smiled, thinking about their moments of peace in the jungle. The knowledge that together they created some sort of balance, some destined unity, brought her a small semblance of hope and comfort despite her troubling visions.

“Dear Rey, I know your departure will be hasty, but I'd like you to know, Ben had once briefly been like a son to me, it is honoring now having a daughter such as yourself. I look forward to seeing you once again here among us.” The chief half smiled as he rose from the log and gave Rey a departing bow as he clutched onto his cane with his free hand. Before Rey you ask him what he meant, he had already melted away into the night.

Rey sat, the fire crackling, the heat warming her face and knees. “His love.” She whispered to herself softy.

Suddenly the snap of a twig allerted her to something in the night. Before she could think she pulled out her lightsaber and spun around on the log.

“This scene is all to familiar.” Ben smirked as he came closer. He looked as if he had just stumbled out of the bed, no shirt or shoes on, hair completely disheveled, eyes half asleep.

Rey lowered her lightsaber remembering the moment he referred to. “I would be nice to spar again.” She grinned. “Are you alright? You uh, you had your nightmares again.”

Ben raised a brow as he came to stop in front of her. “I’m not sure I’d exactly call our fight on Endor a sparring match,” he said, ignoring her last words altogether. 

Rey hadn't missed that, but she did not want to press the topic if he did not wish to address it. Rey rolled her eyes as she fiddled with the lightsaber in her hand. “You know what I mean.” She looked from him to the lightsaber. “You haven't sparred or fought in a while, aren't you worried you're rusty? Out of shape? Weak…?” She teased, sheepishly looking up at him.

“Is that what you think of me then?” In a movement so swift Rey didn't have time to even blink, the lightsaber came flying out of her hand and in to his, coming to life in a green glow as she began to register the movement, and suddenly appearing inches from her neck as Ben snapped out his arm.

Rey's breaths picked up as she felt the heat from the lightsaber by her throat.

“The body may be out of practice but not the mind.” He gave her a smug look as he kept his arm out, waiting for her to make the next move.

Rey closed her eyes and bared her neck more to him. She sensed in the dark reaches of her minds tendrils the moment he pulled the lightsaber back, ready to mockingly strike her. As he began to strike she dropped to the ground, sweeping her leg out to trip him and grab the lightsaber back in one fluid movement.

He fell hard on his back but quicky sprung forward and pushed her back, pinning her down on the ground, his forearm pressing down on her chest, the other hand locked around her wrist, making her drop the lightsaber. He smirked down at her, dark locks dangling in front of his face.

“Oh I could easily get out of this.” Rey grinned.

Ben laughed, his hold loosening slightly as he bent down to kiss her. Their lips locked with fervent urgency, time standing still as the recent stresses of the attack and visions melted away in the lips of the other. Rey pulled away, gasping for breath, but Ben didn't stop, his lips trailing down the length of her draw, dropping down her neck, in the process he released Rey's wrist and she wound her hands into the thicket of his dark hair. Never stopping for a moment, his lips attachment to the soft skin of her chest, her neck, he slid one arm under her back, the other prompting her legs to wrap around his waist and he lifted her up, her body tangled around his.

“I love you, no matter what.” She whispered softly, her lips grazing his ear as he stood up.

He paused as he carried her to their hut, his arms around her clutching tighter, fingers gripping more firmly. He let his forehead rest against the rapid rise and fall of her chest as he caught his breath. “Rey… I love you, I would die for you.” His voice caught in his throat.

Rey let her cheek rest against the top of his head. “Just love me back, it's all I ask.” She pulled back and unwound his cloak from around her, dropping it to the ground.

Their lips ignited again as they stumbled in to their hut.

***

“No! Finn you are a trusted friend but this is an order, an order I did not think I would have to repeat. You will not come with me. You have a duty to guard Ben and to oversee the end of this mission. I will find Rose, you have to trust me buddy.” Poe threw a backpack of supplies over his shoulder, BB-8 buzzing at his feet in an assertive tone.

Finns shoulders slumped, defeated. “Just, just find her, please.” He let his hand rest on Poe's shoulder pleadingly.

Poe pulled Finn in, grabbing him on both sides of the head and bringing their foreheads together. “You have my word.” With that he turned on his heels and marched on to the rusted old ship, BB-8 rolling up backwards and waving to the others at his feet.

Rey waved back, hope in her heart that if anyone could navigate what she imagined was treacherous skies near Cloud City, it would be Poe. She stepped closer to Ben so that their arms touched as she looked up and watched Poe depart, her fingers gently holding on to his.

Finn's eyes followed the ship until it turned into a speck in the Bascarn sky before he turned to Rey and Ben. “So since I'm higher rank I should probably pilot?”

Ben scoffed, “I'm sorry deserter but I'm afraid I have more piloting experience than the both of you have combined.” Ben turned to board his ship, giving Rey's hand a squeeze. “Plus it is my ship.” He called over his shoulder.

Finn scowled at Ben's back, “Well I'm sorry if when I was kidnapped from my parents by the First Order I was forced to become a ground soldier, not a pilot!”

“Some were sold to the First Order!” came Ben's voice from within the ship.

Finn grumbled to himself before stalking in to the ship.

Rey rolled her eyes as she heard their bickering begin to echo out. “If you two are going to be like this then I'm going to stay with the Yrashu and become a monk!” She smiled to herself as she heard them both laughing within.

***

Rey let her fingertip slides against the edge of the aged book, gently pulling back the corner and flipping the page, enjoying the sensation of the odd paper beneath her touch. Her eyes panned over the strange language, written in thick ink. Ever since they has left Baskarn the previous day she had mostly kept to herself in the confines of the ship. There wasn’t enough privacy to be with Ben, plus she hadn’t wanted to make Finn feel uncomfortable, and so she had begged him to co-pilot while she lay in the bunks examining the ancient texts she had brought along with her. She’d been drawn to them once more, just as she had been drawn to them on Ahch-To. Their journey well under way, Finn sleeping soundly in a bunk across from her, Ben in silent contemplation at the helm, she had pulled out another one of the heavy books. She couldn’t explain it, but opening up that first page, her eyes couldn’t understand the words written, but her touch, her hand gently brushing across the pages brought the text to life. She couldn’t understand word for word what was written, rather it was a feeling, a whispering within her.

One thing she was sure of, was that whatever the book was telling her, it wasn’t actually what was written, rather it was an aura of affirmation, a sensation that the texts knew her, and knew how her life would play out, and that she was indeed on the right track. She knew that the books were not literally communicating this, but couldn’t explain what was either. The force perhaps? It was her only guess. Just as the soft earth beneath her hands on Ahch-To told her the entire story of the island, perhaps the texts were communicating in the same way. It was odd however, no matter which text she gently stroked, they all relayed the same thing.

Rey sighed, a little defeated by the whole experience after spending hours in her bunk painstakingly touching each page on each text, letting her palms run down the length of the scrolls, but nothing new was ever revealed. She gently tucked the texts away in the bag she had brought them in under her bunk and peaked over at Finn’s sleeping frame.

They hadn’t had word from Poe yet. It had only been a day since they had departed, but he should have reached Cloud City by now if his path through lightspeed had been clear. If anything he could have put out communication he was still safe. The lack of word from Poe was visibly bothering Finn.

Rey quietly swung her legs over the edge of the bunk, deciding to check in on Ben. The ship quietly creaked as she made her way over to the cockpit.

“How goes your studying of the texts?” He sensed her behind him, as he most often did, far before she could make a sound or come in to view.

Rey slumped in to the seat next to him. Extending her hand so she could lay hers across the tense skin of his hand where it lay clenched against his armrest. “I keep hitting a wall. I hoped that maybe they would tell me something, point me, point us, in a certain direction.”

Ben released his grip and turned his palm up so he could intertwined his fingers with hers. “That would be interference. I learned the hard way that even if you know what will come to pass, it makes no difference, you cannot change what is meant to be.”

Rey watched as he absentmindedly played with her fingers, enjoying the sensation of his touch, feeling whatever stress within him melting away. “Do you think what we see, what we've seen is fixed?” Since her talk with the Chief in the glow of a night fire, she couldn't help but worry more and more about what she had been seeing, what she had been feeling. She'd hoped the texts would tell her something, but truthfully what she wished she had was guidance. She'd learned so much from Ben, but she did not want to burden him further, not at this point in time when a new chaos brewed, when a new cosmic force strove to put their lives in to a new abyss.

Ben sighed, running his free hand through his unkempt ebony locks. “I think what we see is a possibility. I think what we see has the potential to be wrong, or altered. I think what we see can deceive us. At least, I hope, I truly hope.”

“Me too.” Rey whispered.

Abruptly the silence was disturbed by the ringing alert of an incoming call on the ships communication system. Ben and Rey both looked at each other before Rey flipped the switch to a accept the call.

“Hello?” She pulled her hand away from Ben's, too intent on the call.

“Rey? It's Poe”

Her shoulders relaxed and she sighed with relief. “Are you alright? Did you find Senator Calrissian and the others?”

“I am, and I did. Cloud City was never captured, it was attacked, so when I arrived whoever was behind the ambush had left. Lando actually managed to find both Rose and Connix. They were holed up in the shipping bay of one of the administrative buildings. They refused to fight back so Connix was seriously injured. Rose is okay. Rey, Lando was right, they were children. They barely knew what they were doing. This group, this new empire, they're using children as soldiers.”

Rey's hand rose to her mouth in shock at what Poe said. In some way she had hoped that it wouldn't be true. “What are we going to do?”

“Is Ben there?”

Ben sat up straighter in his chair, “Yes I'm here.”

“Do you remember when I said I had suspicions that all that has happened seemed too, too perfect, seemed planned in some way. Well now I'm more sure they're from Artorias. These attackers, these children. Those rumours you heard must be true, and whoever sent your Yrashu assassin. These breadcrumbs of events lead there. These children may be coming from there, and they need our help. They need your help. I want you all to gain intel on what's going on there. Try not to engage but if you must you’ll need to be Kylo Ren. You need to be a member of the First Order once again, so that you may find out more. We are still looking for survivors here but we will join you in Artorias as soon as we can, I fear whatever awaits you all may be more than the three of you can handle.”

Rey watched as Ben paused, his pale face processing the information. “I'm not sure how capable I am of being that person anymore, but I will try if I have to.” He paused, unsure of how to continue what he wanted to say. “ Am I, am I trusted enough for this?”

Poe knew what he truly asked. It wasn't whether the others trusted him to infiltrate, it was whether they believed him to be behind it all. Poe sighed in the other end. “Some trust you, and others do not. Lano believes that you are both being set up for suspicion, and being targeted. Now I uh, I’ve got to go, please send out communication as soon as you learn anything from Artorias.”

The line cut out.

Rey instinctively brought her hand to rest on Ben's shoulder. “Let them be suspicious. What do they know. You don't have to prove anything to them.”

Ben shrugged her hand off and returned to face the ships controls. “I do have something to prove.” He paused, hoping she would leave him to be by himself for a moment but she stayed, unsure what to say to express to him that the whole galaxy could hate him, but as long as he did right, he did right by her, and that was all that mattered. “You should go tell Finn that his companion is okay. We'll be arriving on Artorias soon.”

Rey sighed and turned to leave.

She found Finn still sleep in his top bunk, body curled up in a childish pose.

“Finn.” she whispered, unsure of how to best wake him up. He didn't move. “Finn!”

He jolted up, head hitting the top of the bunk. He fell back from the impact, hand shooting up to his head, a groan of pain escaping his lips.

Rey giggled, unable to help herself. “Finn, Rose is okay.” She was happy to be the one to tell him, to see the flush of joy streak across his features before a brilliant smile broke on his lips.

“She is?” He asked with excitement.

Rey nodded, his smile replicated in her own.

Suddenly the ship lurched, breaking the sweat moment, and Rey was thrown off her feet. Finn violently hit the side railing of his bunk, almost rolling over the edge. Unfixed things around the room began to tumble in one direction, the floor rising up in the other. Rey rolled, hitting the wall.

“The controls!” Finn yelled as he scrambled to climb over the bunk as the room completely turned, one wall now the ceiling, the bunk now on the floor.

Using the force to hold her body steady Rey managed to stand up just before her feet lifted off the ground altogether.

“What’s going on?” She yelled in panic as she tried to grab on to something, anything to stop her from hitting another wall.

Rey watched as Finn’s face registered what was happening. “We’re in freefall! We’re crashing! Get to the controls!”

She was completely weightless as the room now churned upside down, Rey propelled herself forward out of the overturned doorway, dodging boxes and tools as they began to float around her. “Ben!” She yelled as she slowly made her way down the hallway towards the cockpit. “Ben!” She yelled again but there was no answer.

Finally she rounded the corner.

Ben’s body was half sprawled over the ships controls violently convulsing. His eyes were blank but open, a gurgling sound coming from his mouth.

She pushed past floating debris, desperately trying to get to him. This was not like his outburst on Cloud City. His mind, his mind was elsewhere, drawn in by someone or something. Though she hadn’t felt it herself, she knew what she had looked like through his eyes that day long ago when they had sat on the floor of a small ship, skin touching, searching the galaxy with their minds.

She reached him, arms frantically hovering over his body, unsure of what to do before she caught sight behind Ben of exactly what Finn meant. The ship had entered Artoria’s atmosphere and was on a direct course plunging towards the planets surface.

**Author's Note:**

> I love love love comments, predictions, and suggestions!


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